First, let’s talk about Smith. Smith is a freak of nature. Smith has a God-given ability to sleep anywhere at the drop of a hat. Smith looooooves going to sleep. We can be in the car and he will actually say, “I think I’m going to take a nap now” and he’ll close his eyes and just go to sleep. He was sleeping 12 hours in a row beginning at 7 weeks (and still does to this day) and today…at 4 years old, he takes a 4 hour nap every day. Yes. He lays down in his bed at 1:00 and I wake him up at 5:00. Freak of nature. Thank God for Smith. (If I would have had him first, I would have thought Kensington was a nightmare!)
So, I’m not going to talk to you about Smith…because honestly, I have no idea why/how he loves to sleep as much as he does. Today, I’m going to talk about Kensington. This child…I taught how to sleep.
Back when Kensington was this age…
No. On Saturdays, we are typically really busy and they don’t nap. Smith will sometimes nap in the car or something but he’s not cranky (probably because he’s so well-rested that he doesn’t need to be cranky). When they were much younger, I just made sure we were home for their naps (even on weekends). Now that they’re 4 and 5, they can miss one and be fine.
3. Do they nap at school?
This is the first year that Kensington’s class doesn’t nap during the day but up until this year, she always napped on her nap mat at school (and Smith still does it today). They only get an hour but they both sleep. So, on these two days a week, their naps are shorter but that’s fine with me. I just want them rested…and this seems to do the trick.
4. How do I make my older kids nap?
You’re going to think I’m lying…but Smith will say to me almost every day after lunch, “is it time for me to nap yet?”. Yes. Freak of nature. So, I never, ever, ever have problems with him…Kensington on the other hand is just used to the routine and expects that she’ll need to rest every day. If she gets out of bed (at night or when she naps), I simply say, “go back to bed”. If on the off chance she doesn’t listen or disobeys…well then the bigger problem here is that she’s not obeying and that’s a behavior problem (now that she’s 5 and completely understands what I’m saying and the rules of our house), so we handle that like we would handle any other behavior problems…they need to listen and obey our instructions. (Again, I’m not being unreasonable…at this point, she doesn’t nap every day…only when she’s a hot mess and completely exhausted…and only rest can cure that! And she needs to stay in bed when we put her down at night too…that’s not the time for her to get up 4,000 times as a stall tactic.)
Listen…you ladies asked me what I do…and this is it. I show my kids a lot of grace and there are many exceptions. This is just the normal routine…I’m with my kiddos 24/7…I know them really well, if I think they don’t feel well, something is wrong, or if it’s a super fun day and we just want to play instead of napping…then we don’t nap. This is for the average day (but I always love peppering in crazy/fun/special days too!). I am not a drill sergeant…there are many exceptions to this. This is just the normal. When moms email me (all the time by the way) and ask me about napping, I always say the same things…consistency and routine. Some kids and parents don’t need napping to be a part of their daily routine…and that’s completely fine! This post is for all of those moms who email saying they’re dying for their kids to nap, they need their kids to nap, their kids need naps, everyone is cranky and no one is sleeping…this post is for those moms.
XOXO
Sheaffer {Pinterest Told Me To} says
I'm going to be at your house at 1:30. I'm going to climb in some bed in your house, it can be alone or with a kid, I want you to put a sound machine and a fan on, and I don't want you to open the door until 5:00. I can't even tell you how glorious that sounds. Sigh. A girl can dream.
Darcy says
Your comment totally made me laugh out loud…..I would wish for the very same thing! It's so funny that now that we're adults, sleep is such a precious commodity.
Shay – I don't have kids, but really enjoyed reading this. Routine & consistency can relate to a lot of areas in our lives. 🙂
Kelly says
Even though I don't agree with your ignore them advice, I think the rest is great advice. I agree that a routine is so important, however the point you touched on several times is the most important…some kids just need more sleep than others. If my daughter ever took a 4 hour nap, she would be up till midnight. The key is figuring out how much sleep your child needs to be rested and happy, and then setting a routine so they get that sleep. I gotta say, I thought this post was going to upset me, but I think you handled the "sensitive" issues well. 🙂
Anonymous says
As a new parent (I have a 14 month old)- I learned quickly that what works for one child does not work for another. I read every sleep book out there, listened to other moms' advice about napping and finally I said forget it. Kelly is right in that every child requires a different amount of sleep. You have to figure out what way works best with your child, it's not a one size fits all approach. Thank you for your disclaimer that you're not a parent expert – I now do not give parenting advice or take parenting advice from others because there is no right answer!
Kim kilduff says
sounds perfect! my kids and almost 6,almost 9 and almost 11 and for the most part this is what I did! it was tougher with #3 b/c of the older 2
but he did ok!
SarahN says
You are 100% right on. I did the same things with all 3 of my children and they were all great with putting themselves to sleep, staying asleep, and staying in their bed. Now that they are a little older, they still never complain about having a bedtime. (4th,6th and 8th grade!) and one time my boy, who was like Smith, fell asleep on a chairlift while skiing out west! Can't beat that!
Tab & Erika says
One word….SMITH!!! haha!! I LOVE that kid! 🙂
Anonymous says
Bless you for sharing!! Naps saved me when my girls were younger. I'd think your sound advice will help lots of mamas who are struggling with sleep issues! 🙂
hillary says
Love this. Jonah does GREAT at night but takes several 20 min naps during the day. He'll stay asleep longer if he's being held, but that's a little impractical seeing as how most days I have to eat and use the restroom. Questions:
1. Did Kensington cry like it was the end of the world? The whole 3 hours at first?
2. How many days / weeks until she napped without crying for you?
Melissa Frye says
Excellent post!
My 2nd was like your Smith, but when I got to my 4th, I knew I was in trouble… That girl couldn't nap because she would never get to sleep at night! I had to tell her daycare and then preschool to not let her fall asleep because she would not go to bed before 11 if we let her nap. It really dug into my own rest period, but I managed. My kids are now 14, 13, 11 and 9 and they still tease that mom likes to nap. 🙂
Blessings!
Bonnie M. says
Ditto on what Carrie said above. Consistency and routine works. And you are right the ignoring does work too.
Tara G. says
We have rest time daily….everyone needs some down/alone time. Kudos to you for separating behavior issues from the rest.
Narci says
Love this!! Nap time is so important for their little bodies! Glad you did this Shade of Shay!! Nice work!!
Sarah Yoder says
Great post! Thank you so much for sharing…your tips were great! I have a 22 month old who we moved to a big girl bed about a month ago! She is doing great at night and sometimes her naps are great and sometimes on the shorter side. If Kensington were to get out of bed after an hour nap would you go in and put her back to bed or just let her play quietly til the 2 hour mark?
Mix and Match Mama says
Let me answer a few of these questions:
1. She did cry a lot but I had to just let her cry it out. She always ended up falling asleep. After about 4 days, she didn't cry any more.
2. If she would wake up an hour into her nap, I wouldn't open the door. She had to learn to go back to sleep and self-soothe. I really think this is so important for kiddos to understand!
Thanks ladies!!
Sarah Yoder says
Thanks so much!!
I Like Ike says
Ok I love this post. My eldest is five and he's easy now.. He rests some during the day and sleeps great at night but by 10 month old is a rough one. He's gorgeous and sweet and is the most precious child but he does. Not. Sleep. Not most naps and not at night. He wants to nurse every 45 mins to an hour all. night. long. I'm losing my marbles but if I try and let him cry he literally screams until he makes himself sick. I'm going to try your nap time tips with the routine for bed time (our routine isn't consistent and varies with how much he naps during the day). Thank you for this post and fingers crossed!
Anonymous says
I think your advice is awesome. I hope no one gives you too much grief if they disagree with your methods. Some mothers asked what YOUR method for napping is and you provided it. I happen to agree with everything you said, but others may not. One important thing I have learned in parenting is that you can enjoy your kids a lot more if they understand that YOU are the boss and even though you can have fun/crazy times, at the end of the day, the parents make the rules and the kids have to follow them.
Anonymous says
Your advice is spot on. I have 3 kids who are now teenagers. When they were little and we had babysitters come they would be amazed. "I told them it was bedtime/naptime and they said okay and went and laid down" Of course they did. They knew the expectation, it was part of our routine. Meanwhile my friends kids had to be driven around in the car for hours until they fell asleep.
One thing I think parents forget is that little growing bodies need a lot of sleep. They just can't make it on 8-10 hours like an adult. In my opinion a well rested child has fewer behavior issues and later on will do better in school if well rested.
My kids did complain when they went to school and realized that they had the earliest bedtime of their friends. We explained that people are different and need different amounts of sleep. Our family needs lots of sleep. Another bonus of early bedtime/consistent naptime/ good sleeping habits is that the parents can be well rested and happy because they have their alone time.
You have given your kids a valuable tool. They have learned to self soothe- to get themselves to sleep (or back to sleep). They have learned to listen to their body and give it the rest it needs.
Meagan @ The Clanahan Fam says
This was RIGHT ON! Once we got the approval for my preemie twins to sleep longer, onto the schedule we went. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I was little drill sergeant like in that first year or 2. I scheduled our day around nap times as much as I could. With twins, I couldn't afford to have them exhausted – or me! 🙂 Now they are 3 1/2 and if it's not a school day, then they nap almost every day for 2-3 hours. I think it's so healthy for them. Like my pediatrician says, sleep begets sleep. And well-rested kids grow better. And they are happier. And mommy is happier. I know that there are some kiddos that can function on less sleep but mine just can't – they can turn into little beasts on a dime. So we nap. And we will nap or rest as much as possible until the day of Kindergarten. Good job, momma!
JDeffenbaugh says
Hi Shay! What awesome advice you gave for everyone. I have a 20 month old son who is a rock star sleeper (and I am thankful everyday for that)! He does 12 hours at night, and usually 2 1/2 to 3 hours in the afternoon. We did a very similar plan to you when he was little to get him on this schedule. I have a question about when you moved Kensington to a big bed. We are trying to keep our kiddo in his crib as long as possible but I think the climbing out days are quickly approaching. We are going to put him in a queen sized bed, and I am also worried it will change my great little sleeper! I know you said after 2 months in, she started getting out of bed and you guys would just take her hand and lead her back to bed without engaging her. My question is did she ever protest? I am worried we will have to force him back to bed if he gets out. How far could Kensington make it? Like all the way out of her room? Just curious as to how you handled it! Thank you for your help! 🙂
jackie says
We let our daughter cry it out at 4.5 months and it was the best decision ever. Hard,yes but it only lasted a few days. Thanks for sharing!
Love Being A Nonny says
100% right on! This is how I had such great sleepers. I am a firm believer! Very well said.
Anonymous says
Yes, yes, yes! Some people will not agree with ignoring them, but if you go in for every little thing, they will never learn to self sooth. I have five kids who are great sleepers and that was key. As long as they are dry, fed, safe, etc., they will learn this very quickly. Excellent advice!!
Laura Fuller says
You are right with everything you said. Moms of younger children: take note! You will not regret taking this advice! We did the same things except shutting the doors which isn't a big deal for us. My four children still rest wonderfully.
jen says
You are a brave lady and I appreciate/admire your honesty and confidence as a mom. I took a very similar approach (I asked our pediatrician and she recommended this) and it worked so well after 2-3 days. We "teach" our children all other things in life…why not teach them to sleep also!? Thanks for sharing your life and for being confident and un-apologetic. I've learned a lot from reading here! 🙂
Taylor and Robin says
Shay, I love this post (your 52 shades are always my favorites!) though I was hoping for more on Smith because I too have great sleepers :). After your "day in the life" post, I was dying to read about Smith's nap because that used to be my 3 and 1/2 year old, Seth, but boy are we in a painful transition these past 2 months! Like Smith, Seth loves to sleep. He would take a 4 hour nap still, but then he'll stay up until 10:30 – not good for anybody! The problem is he is so tired during the day and begs me for a nap and is a hot mess if he doesn't get one. I finally cut his nap down to one hour, let him watch Little Einstein's as a treat since he's so sad he has to wake up so soon, and then still have to be very intentional about making sure he's outside riding his bike to burn off his extra energy (this is not an easy feat to pull off everyday in winter time since we live in a 3rd floor flat in cold, rainy Scotland) so that 7:30 bedtime happens. Do you have to be intentional about Smith's exercise so that he sleeps or is his normal everyday play enough to tire him out to nap so long while sustaining normal bed time? Or do you think the school nap days and no naps on Saturday are the bigger factor? My daughter still sleeps from 1-5, so I'd love it if I can get Seth to nap at the same time again while still going to bed at a decent hour. 🙂
Saxon says
Great advice for nap time. And, I'd love to have a pair of those red wellies for myself and my bestie!
Ashley says
When we brought H home from the hospital she never slept. We started the Ferber method when she was 6 weeks old and she slept 7 hours at 7 weeks and 12 hours at 12 weeks….Nap time was soooo much harder. But eventually she got the hang of it. Every so often her naptime length will fluctuate and she'll wake up and want to play after an hour but we just leave her in her room and let her fuss and whine and eventually she gets bacck to her schedule 🙂 We always shoot for a two hour period too.
Olivia @ Snyders Tell All says
Thank you for sharing your tips. I think these are great! And I agree. Yes, every kid is different, even your own two kiddos, but these are good tips to try out for napping. Napping is a must in my house since I work from home and hubby doesn't get home till 10pm sometimes during bb season. My son (2 yrs) is not going to bed early, but sleeps great for naps and sleeps in. I need to probably be a little more consistent on bed times. Thanks again…it's good to hear from other moms about how they do certain things like naps. "Don't send me any hate mail"…lol, I sure hope people don't take time to do that…what a waste. I, personally, love YOUR advice on YOUR blog!
Traci says
Has Smith had any blood work done recently? Totally kidding, but holy smokes what a great sleeper. I could definitely sleep 12 hours and at and take a 4 hour nap every day too, what a life…that kid's got it good. I wonder what he'll be like as an adult? I wonder if he'll be an early riser like you and Andrew or if he'll sleep in late.
Shesabigstar says
I love this SO much simply for the fact that you TAUGHT them! So many parents complain that their kids aren't good sleepers but as parents, we have a responsibility to teach them. And not just because we want a couple free hours to ourselves while they nap! (ha ha!) Good, quality sleep is so beneficial to kids and it will stay with them all throughout their life. When they're up and down all night and parents are coming to their rescue every time, they're never getting into the deep sleep mode that they so badly need. My pediatrician recommended a book for me when my kids were young (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth) and it helped SO much! Totally changed the way we approached sleep habits. Anyways, great post, as always!
Liz says
Great post! I did the same things with my little ones and they are great sleepers. Not only do my kids reap the benefits of being well rested, but I have time during the afternoon to get things done around the house and my husband and I have a few hours at night to hang out, watch tv etc… I'm a big believer in the idea that sleep begets sleep….at least that's what works for my kids!
The Morgans says
We follow almost the exact some routine at our house, and it has worked wonderfully for almost 5 years! I'm thankful to be able to stay home with my littles every day so that this routine is possible.
Anonymous says
Couldn't agree more with your post. I have used most of these tactics myself and my kids are amazing nappers. Consistency is truly the key and I am glad u put it so high on the list. We skip a nap during the weekend too.
Anonymous says
My 4 1/2 and almost 8 year old still has "quiet" time after lunch on the weekends. Keeps me sane, keeps them sane.
Liz/happymommy says
Such a great post and Smith, that boy is too much!!!
I agree with everything you said! My now 4 year old still naps great (granted naps are getting shorter) and she has always been a great sleeper at night. She started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks old and we never once had a problem, even when we switched her to a big girl bed at almost 3. And I would have let her sleep in her crib forever if we weren't having baby #2, she never once climbed out and she LOVED her crib so much! Little sister is a little different story but overall she's a pretty good sleeper too! Biggest thing is routine….from early on with both we implemented the same exact routine before bedtime and nap time and it works wonders as it tells them that it is time to unwind and go to sleep, just like you said!!
Anonymous says
love this post! I'm not a mom (yet) but I'm going to copy and paste (or pin if possible) this post for the future. the 'teaching' them to sleep is the best advice I've heard!
thx,
shanna in sc
chodgkiss says
I couldn't agree with you more on this post! Way to have consistency and be the parent! I have 3 kids the youngest being 5 and they were and are all still really good sleepers! You have to be the parent and have rules! Way to stick to your stuff!!:)
Colleen Sullivan says
You really hit the jackpot with Smith! What an amazing sleeper! My son is not a great sleeper, but he is slowly improving. Hopefully he'll consistently sleep through the night by the time we have another baby.
Sarah E @ theteacherswife.com says
Great tips, Shay! We took a similar approach and it really has worked for our kids. 🙂
Steph says
So glad to read this this morning. I do the exact same thing with my 2-year old. We've been consistent with her routine since she was 4 months old and she naps and sleeps like an angel. I'm so scared of making the transition to a big girl bed… Hoping it goes well when we eventually do it!
Jill says
I use almost an identical approach for naps and sleep with my kids (5 and 2) – even the ignoring technique when they were babies or not talking. Like you said, you knew everything was fine (fed, clean diaper, you had a monitor, etc). It's amazing how manipulative they are. Getting my kids to sleep took work and consistency on my part but it paid off. My kids are amazing sleepers and my friends always ask me what is my secret. It's funny how sleeping is a learned activity. Nice job Mama!
The Bryan Family says
Your advice is right on. Yes and each child is different. All three of mine sleep way differently and I've learned by their behaviors what works and doesn't work. Letting them cry it out works because the momement I go in there nap time is done because they will not go back to sleep. Thanks for sharing
Anonymous says
My kids were always great nappers as well and I'm very thankful for that! All of your methods are spot on. I think a lot of times people want their kids to nap but don't want to put the work into it or take the time to teach them and be consistent but it's so important.
MelanieL
Kristen says
I think that is great advice for napping! You totally nailed it!!
Funny in My Mind says
My kids are 18 and 23 now but I remember their napping issues well. My oldest was a hurricane from wake up until bedtime and I tried every single thing to make him nap. I put on Mary Poppins every single day (his favorite) and he would lay down perfectly still and quiet for the entire movie. Never napped but slept through the night from birth and slept until 8 am every day (which made me so happy)
I found it important to make sure they both had limited tv time and plenty of activities and exercise to wear them out. My younger son was like Smith, just grabbed his lammy and lay down wherever when he was tired and woke up on his own after an hour or two. Now he's in college and his hours are so messed up since his first class is at 8 am and his last class is at 7 pm and he studies till midnight a lot. He says he misses his daily naps of childhood.
I was always a napper, still am at 44!
Elaine Welte says
Thank you for this post! My oldest child napped pretty well until around age 3, then it started interrupting her night time sleep, so we only did naps when she was a bear! My 2 year old takes fabulous naps at daycare, but sadly, those naps are already interferring with her night time sleep, so we stopped making her take naps during the day at home (this just started over the past few weeks. Sadly, she's now starting to fall asleep around 4:30 or 5, which then makes bedtime difficult. The baby takes fabulous naps at home, not so much at daycare! You're totally right that every kid is different, and I definitely feel that kids need lots of sleep in order to be functioning little people 🙂 We used babywise with all of the girls and putting them on a schedule from day 1 was the best for our family. We also did CIO at night with all of the girls when I felt we were ready (3 months, 4 1/2 months, 5 1/2 months) and thanks to CIO we all sleep so well at night! Thanks for this post! It was a great reminder to not talk to my kids when they get out of bed at night- they're fantastic stallers!
Anonymous says
Great post! Naps are ok in my house….bedtime….not so much recently…I am going to try your approach for it 🙂 fingers crossed!!!!
Sara Laverty says
Gosh, why isn't it still acceptable as an adult to do what Smith does and just embrace your love for sleep?! 🙂 Love all the little stories about him just owning his love of sleeping!!!! 🙂
Stephanie Gonzalez says
Wonderful advice! I'm really looking forward to your skincare routine & marriage shade.
Jaren says
I've been fortunate to have good sleepers/nappers since all three of my kids were newborns. I completely agree with your advice. It is exactly what I did, and it works. My oldest will be 7 this weekend and is in 1st grade. She still naps on the weekends, although she can handle not having one. My son is in Kindergarten, and they still have nap time at school here in Louisiana…thank goodness because he is a bear without it. Great post!
Anonymous says
I have waited a long to finally read this was so excited to see it today! I could not agree with you more. Being a mom of 4 year old twins it is not easy but we follow the same consistency and schedule we have followed sine they were born. Ignoring is the hard part and as long as nothing is wrong or they don't really need something we let them be. If not, the games will continue for hours. I am jealous I can't relate to Smith with you though :).
Kaitlyn Putnam says
Hey shay!
Thanks for the post 🙂 I have a 4 month and an am working on trying to make a schedule. She takes a couple 20 min naps throughout the day.
At what age do you start making the schedule? Newborn or do they need to be a little older?
🙂 thanks!
Carrie says
I could have written this post! I agree with everything you said here. People always tell me my kids just must have good sleeping genes because their kids are still not sleeping through the night! It takes consistency and a plan! I worked hard to set that plan and my kids know the routine! Great advice!
Blue-Eyed Bride says
Love this. Love you. Love consistent parenting. And love that my kids are NAPPERS! (P.S. I believe that yes, while some kids are natural nappers/sleepers, that every kid can LEARN to be a napper/sleeper.) 🙂 And I ignored them, too. They always, always always fall asleep.
Hollie Jones says
So I have a month to get prepared for this?? My 8 month is asleep on my chest right now, I'm hoping she will sleep at least 30 minutes! My 5 year old slept in her bed for the first time this week! I know, I know! Maybe I could hire someone to do this for me!!! Lol!
Emily says
i'm a babywise mom and this post is wonderful! so often babywise gets a bad name and people hate on it but I do pretty much the same exact things you mentioned doing too!!! I also have great sleepers who slept through the night at 7-8 weeks and who still nap for 2-4 hours a day at ages 5 and 2 🙂 naptime = happy mommy right???
Bethany Vreugdenhil says
This post is perfect timing! My baby turns 7 months tomorrow and I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Up until now, I've been a sucker who let's her baby nap pm her chest every day. He just won't nap in his crib! Excellent at nights, not so great at napping (unless we are in the car…awesome car sleeper!) With the new baby on the way I know I need to establish a nap routine for my little guy before August. This has given me motivation to get this figured out! Tomorrow's the day! Thanks Shay!
Katie says
I've followed the exact same routine and consistency that you've outlined and managed to create excellent sleepers and nappers as well. I believe in it firmly and it totally works for us. We used a small fan instead in each room and it works like a sound machine. I've got three kids and I had to train every one of them. I, too, have one of those freaks of nature in my youngest! Maybe she and Smith are soul mates, though they'd never get anything accomplished since they'd be sleeping every day at 1:30!!! It's all worth it and I much prefer happy well rested children:)
Aubrey says
I HEAR YOU, sister! I didn't make Ella a good napper until she was 9 months old, but you better believe I got Kate into the groove much earlier. Sweet Annie doesn't have a choice! However, I'm finding that my third daughter's sleep needs don't take top priority. I keep waking her up from her afternoon nap to pick up her sisters at school. 🙁
Chic Coastal Living says
Oh I remember those days well! Great advice!
Kim Kauffman says
This was a very timely post for me. We are currently sleep training our 7 month old. Our 3 year old is NOT a good sleeper and I just can't go that route again. In her defense, she had really bad acid reflux that really made it hard for her to sleep because it hurt when she would lay down. Anyway, with Ashlyn I taught her how to put herself to sleep at 4 months, which has been wonderful. She normally goes down for naps and bedtime very easily on her own. HOWEVER she has been in the bad habit of eating twice at night and hello, she's 20 pounds…she's not lacking for food 🙂 So on the advice of the pediatrician I've been weaning her down to only eating for 2 minutes over 2-3 weeks. Now we are to the point where we have to totally cut it out and I'm totally dreading it. But honestly, I'm dead freaking tired and we all need to start sleeping (she wakes her sister up when she cries in the night). I'm sure this is more than you care to read but all that to say – it was really good for me to be reminded that I know what's best for her and that it's my responsibility to give her the sleep she needs. Even though I want to crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep (I just listened to her scream before her nap, which is pretty rare for her to do) I need to buck up and just be the mom! SHE WILL BE OK 🙂
Ashley @ Places To Go, Things To Buy says
Thanks for this post! Funny the timing of it….I have a 3 month old daughter at home and she just started taking "mini-naps" during the day and I was just wondering what I should do to get her back on schedule. And voila! Your post popped up! I will try your tips…thanks!
Melodie says
My first two are almost 16 months apart. My nearly 6 year old still naps 3 hours each afternoon. Since we have been homeschooling kinder this still works for him and us. But his sleep habits sounds similar to Smith. Boy needs his sleep! But my 4 year old is probably ready to give them up. He stays quietly in his room but very rarely falls asleep these days. Regardless I'm keeping with the quiet/rest time. I need that time! And our third… well he joined our family a little later (5 months) so it's been more of an adjustment. Which you may get to experience through your adoption. But I will say his morning naps are great which allows us to get school done. Afternoon naps could use some work. But he gets a little extra grace. 🙂 loved this post and I enjoy your blog!
Laurie S says
Hi Shay! Like one of your commenters… I'm not a kid mom (I'm a dog mom) but I loved this post – consistency, routine and a bit of sanity time are elements I can use in my adult life. I schedule a bit of "quiet time" after the pups eat, while they're resting.
Love your work!
sarah from the suburbs says
GREAT POST! Napping is not an option in our house…I have a 5, 3 and 2 year old, and they nap every day at home after lunch (unless we are not at home). Even my 5 year old Kinder naps on the weekends still. I NEED them to nap, and THEY need the rest! It's a win win situation. 🙂 Good job, Mama!
Laurie S says
Hi again…
LOVED Sheaffer's comment! I'm sure she would come over for a nap…
Katie says
I don't have kiddos myself but I've done a ton of babysitting (even now as an adult for friends' kids), and I can say from that perspective, it is so helpful for a babysitter to have kids that have been given this structure. I like to keep the routine they are used to when I watch them, so knowing when nap time and bed time are keep the guesswork out of things. It also helps the child be more compliant and obedient because they know the expectations are still there. I watched for one family, who, when I asked when bedtime was, said, "Oh you know, whenever he seems tired." NOT HELPFUL! So I spent the entire evening looking for clues as to when he was exhausted, and even when I finally did put him to bed it was a major meltdown! Consistency is key for most all things having to do with kids. I love you for this post!
Also, Smith is my napping spirit animal. If given the opportunity, I can sleep in and still get a good 3-4 hour nap in all in one day and it is delightful!
{Hi Sugarplum!} says
I'm right there with ya! I'm kind of a sleep nazi, and always have been. My kid's rooms have sound machines and dark out shades…we don't play around! My kids are 7 and 12, and I still have them nap about half of our weekends…bc those nights we usually end up staying up later and they need to make up for it. yep, I still make my 12 yr old nap. And his bedtime is 8:30-9…as long as he's still falling asleep within minutes of laying down his head, and sleeping until morning, then that's what he needs! God bless nap time!!!
Andrea - Would Rather Be Shopping says
Great advice! I think the darkened room helps A LOT! I know it really helps my 21 month old daughter nap well.
lisamcmil says
We also taught our kids to sleep/nap. Not everyone agrees with it, but it took about one week and I have a 5 and 3 year old who have always slept through the night and taken 2-3 hour naps. Our issue came with afternoon kindergarten this year! Our 5 year was NOT ready to give up her nap and it's taken us until Christmas break for her to get used to not napping. She still comes home and snoozes for maybe 30 minutes sometimes.
Your kids are adorable and it's nice to know you always 'keep it real'
Hayley says
Love this post! I have a 15 month old who is a great sleeper at night (12 hours), but does not take a very long nap during the day. She consistently wakes up after 1 hour and 15 minutes. I usually leave her until 2 hours have passed, but she never falls back asleep. Any tips on getting her to sleep longer?
Mickie Pho says
I am in awe of Smith! I would sleep that much too if I could get away with it!
Anonymous says
You know what's crazy? My 17 year old son has NEVER needed much sleep! I remember holding him as an infant thinking "I thought babies slept all the time!" Now I say "I thought teenagers slept all the time". I read every book on sleep training out there and nothing worked for him. So it's ok mamas of little ones who don't sleep, all kids are different. BTW, my son is a straight A student, avid reader and athlete and a complete joy to be around. Like Smith, I think he's a freak of nature!
Laura says
Such a great post. I have 3 kiddos (5.5, 4, 15 months). You are spot on with your advice. I do the same things and have had great nappers/sleepers.
Carly says
Great post Shay, can I just ask did Kensington only have that two hour nap in the day? would she last for that long from the morning? even at 15/16mths?
Susan H. says
I really appreciated this post! I am a first time mama to a seven month old. About a month ago, we started using a lot of the methods you mentioned (bedtime routine, consistency, some crying it out) to help our little guy (and us!)finally get some sleep. It worked really well, but I had some on-line friends make me feel horrible about sleep training. Your post and all of the comments made me feel so much better and reassured me that we did not scar him for life by letting him cry a little bit! Thanks for posting 🙂
Lora G says
Great post! I agree with everything, and I get really tired of defending my insistence on nap for my 4 year old with other moms. He needs a nap, period, if other kids don't, then fine. What you do works for you, it matters not what other people think!!!
Anonymous says
Hi Shay,
I'm curious, how did you get K. to stay in her bed & not play with the toys in her room? Both of my girls at age 2.5 pretty much stopped napping. My middle girl is 3 now and does a "rest" everyday for an hour and will stay in her room, but she is not laying in her bed. She gets up & plays quietly. Occasionally she will fall asleep, but most days she plays. We have a small house, 1300 sq. ft. for 5 people, with no basement so moving her toys out is not really an option.
Emily says
Did you follow the same advice for sleeping through the night? (The ignore/ be consistent?) My oldest (almost 4) woke up every night until he was 18 months. My youngest (11 months) still wakes up, on the average, every two hours at night! Needless to say, I am exhausted and am willing to try anything.
Mix and Match Mama says
In my opinion, if your kids are getting out of bed (and they're old enough to understand that the rule is stay in bed) then that's a behavior issue and not a napping issue. Maybe there should be a consequence for misbehaving? I don't think getting out of bed is a napping issue.
And yes, when my kids were babies, I applied the same rules to them. If I knew they were fed and dry, I did not go in there every time they cried. They had to learn to soothe themselves back to sleep. When I hear people say their babies (not infants) still wake up during the night, I often think that they wouldn't if the parents would teach them to self-soothe.
MAK says
Absolutely agree! We've done the same with our son since he was born and he sleeps/naps consistently. And kudos for handling a sensitive topic with such grace!
I have a sorta-related question. My 18 month old still gets a passy but only when he sleeps. I feel like its getting to be time to take it away but I'm so nervous he won't be able to sleep well. Did your kids take passys and if so when/how did you take it away? Thanks so much! Love your family!
Nicole says
I love your advice and I do most of them with my kids. Is there a sound machine you would recommend? I'm pregnant with my 4th and think one would come in handy!
Anonymous says
As with so many things, you have to teach your children how to do what you want them to. My daughter has always slept in her bed, in her bedroom, by herself, with the door closed and no lights on. I'm always asked how I got her to do that. It's simple really. That's how she has always slept. It's all she has ever known. Just like at 8 years old she still sits in the back seat and uses a booster seat without complaint. She has never been given any other option. With all things parenting related consistency is key! You have to know what your minimum expectations are and what your wants are and teach them how to do it.
The White Family says
This post was great! But, I may think that because I feel I could have written it word for word about my kids! I had to teach my kids to sleep well and they are great sleepers! My six year old does "rest time" now every day and loves his rest time, but he napped consistently for three hours from 1:30-4:30 until he was four. My three year old naps every day from 1:30 to 3:30. The key to having good sleepers (for us) was routine, routine, routine. We have always done the same bedtime/naptime routine and we've always napped at the same time. Your experience with Kensington is such a mirror to my own experience with my first born!
Michelle Harmon says
Loved this post and agree 100% with it all. I have three kiddos and these things are exactly what I've done to sleep train them. Also I loved meeting you yesterday. You were interesting, funny, & relevant!
krisalt says
I can't wait for your "how to be a morning person" Shade of Shay! That has been my goal for 2014!
Anonymous says
Thanks for this post!! I completely agree with your advice. I'm having trouble with my 16 month old son now that he's transitioned to one-nap. He's waking up after too short, usually between an hour and 15 mins to 1.5 hours and you can tell he's still tired. Especially since he will go right back to sleep if I hold him. I'm trying to ignore, also for 2 hours minimum but haven't seen much progress yet. Did you find that it took a little while for Kensington to adjust to long naps, do I need to stick it out?? Thanks again for the great post and any advice you have!
Mix and Match Mama says
I think you should stick it out a bit more. Routine is the best thing for everyone.
Katie says
Shay- at what age did Kensington start sleeping better at night or through the night? Any tips? I have a 4 week old and still getting up to feed every 3 hours which I guess is normal at this age?
Mix and Match Mama says
Yes Katie! That is completely normal! Kensington didn't start sleeping all the way through the night until she was 5 months old. Enjoy that sweet little baby…this time will pass quickly and one day, I promise you, you will miss it.
Ana Bland says
I ran across your blog a couple weeks ago and I can't stop reading your posts! I love them! Thank you for taking the time to share your life and the love of Jesus with us. I agree with everything you said on this post. To me, sleep is pretty much sacred. When I was younger, I'd nap for around 3 to 4 hours each afternoon and then sleep perfectly during the night. I stopped taking naps when I was 20 years old (please don't hate, lol!) because I moved to the States from my home country and my schedule changed completely. It really took a toll on my body but I got used to it. I still try to take a nap on Friday afternoons but it doesn't always work out. Do you ever take naps?
Jenna says
As a new mom of a now 2 month old, I went back to this post to re-read. I am trying to start being more consistent with napping, and hope that we can get there one day! Three naps a day for now, and looking for her instructional manual as to when it will be just two naps, one, etc. 😉 Long time reader, first time commenter.