I love my girlfriends.
Having a Shade of Shay about friendship seems only natural…because I absolutely adore my friends.
I’ve always been a girl’s girl. I love having female friendships in my life.
If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know that without my girlfriends, I would be lost. I love, need and depend on them so much. They are often my rock.
I get this question a lot! How did I meet my friends? I meet friends in a lot of very typical places. First of all, I do have several friends that I’ve known since childhood. I cherish these friendships because these women know where I’m from, how I was raised and how I became the person I am today. For the most part though, most of my friends today are people I’ve met since adulthood. Here are some of the places I’ve met friends:
Church
The gym
Mommy activities (for me, it was Baby Boot Camp)
Work
Other parents with kids in Kensington’s dance/gymnastics classes
Through other friends
Neighbors
Parents of kids at my kids’ school
Obviously I know people from other places but since most of my life these days revolves around my kiddos and immediate family, this is where I spend my time and thus, develop outside relationships. I do think you have to be out there to meet people (whether that’s just outside to meet your neighbors or out doing an activity you love…it’s hard to make friends if you don’t ever leave your house).
Some friendships are old, some are new, some are very deep and some are just friendly. No matter what, they’re great relationships with other women.
Yes and no.
I think I’m drawn to people with similar values and morals because those things are so important to me that I am attracted to people that also love those things.
That being said, I’m friends with a variety of women…some work full time, some stay home, some have a lot of kids, some have no kids, some are married, some are single, some are conservative, some are liberal, some breastfeed until their kids are older, some don’t at all, some are strict with their diets, some eat anything, some vaccinate their kids, some don’t, some home school, some do private school and some do public, some are divorced, some have been married a long time, some are old and some are young.
They’re all different women with different priorities and life stories. It would be boring if my friends were all just like me.
I get this question a lot through email. Apparently, there is a lot of arguing going on in some of your adult friendships. I do not argue with my friends. To me, there is no point. If you’re in a friendship with a lot of arguing, I would ask you why you’re in that friendship? I don’t like to be weighed down with heaviness that comes from toxic relationships. I think the reason why I can hang out with a bunch of women and not argue is because we do a few things really well…
1. We don’t talk about each other. I don’t call up Erika and talk bad about Sheaffer. No way! If I have a problem with Sheaffer (which I never do!), I will just tell Sheaffer. And vice versa.
2. We don’t gossip about each other. Gossip will lead you straight down a dark path. Gossiping between friends will get you in an ugly situation. Fast.
3. We are secure with our friendships. Sometimes, Andrea and Sheaffer hang out…sometimes, Erika and Sarah hang out, sometimes, Andrea and I hang out and on and on and on…we can mix and match our friendships without always feeling like we have to include everyone. Just because Sheaffer and Narci go to the mall together on a Tuesday doesn’t mean they like each other more than me. It just means they went to the mall together. They didn’t have to invite me. I don’t need to worry/fret/get upset about it. Their friendship with each other shouldn’t make me doubt my friendships with each of them. They are separate things.
4. We are genuine. Geez. This is big for me. If I’m having a bad day, problem, issue, or whatnot, I tell my friends and they do the same with me. I don’t go around pretending life is all cheery and rosy all the time. Trust me, we are brutally honest about our lives…with no judgement. I think this is one big reason why my friends and I all click without arguing…we’re not fake. We don’t sit around and just talk about negative stuff…but listen, if something is wrong in one of our lives, we discuss it. We are very honest and open. I find that it’s hard not to love really genuine people.
Social media can be the root of all evil.
Heavens. I was at Kensington’s dance class this past Wednesday reading Marie Claire magazine and trying to enjoy 45 minutes of silence when 3 ladies sat down at the table with me and started talking about how someone they knew had posted stuff on FB that they just knew was directed straight at them. They were so mad/upset/angry over this chick’s FB status and her passive aggressive way of being mean to them. Holy cow. How old are we?
There are a lot of ways FB can annoy you. Your friends complain too much, your friends post too many pictures of their kids, your friends only put good stuff out there and not anything negative, your friends put too much negative stuff out there and nothing good, your friends post too many pictures of their kids, your friends post too many pictures of the weather, your friends post too many pictures of their kids and your friends post too many pictures of their kids.
Seriously, Face Book can be annoying. If you can’t ignore it, avoid it. That’s all I can say. I’m not going to let a website ruin my friendships or be a constant source of anxiety for me.
I’m a big believer that friendships have seasons. Some seasons, last a lifetime and some seasons are shorter. Just because it’s the end of a season doesn’t mean the season itself was bad…it was just short.
A few times in my life, I have had to step away from a friendship. I just don’t have energy to be in a friendship that doesn’t feel genuine and positive. If I’m working really hard to be in a friendship with someone and yet, we’re still not clicking, I back away. It just wasn’t meant to be at that particular time in our lives. We can all still be nice, loving and supportive but in my opinion, there is just nothing wrong with backing away and focusing on relationships that are more positive.
And once or twice, I’ve had to actually tell someone that we should not be friends any more. Hard, hard, hard decisions that I didn’t take lightly…but they were necessary. I’m not going to use energy that I could be spending on my husband and kids worrying and fretting about a relationship that just isn’t healthy.
I wouldn’t have a single girlfriend if I wasn’t a good friend to them. Friendships are two way streets. Sometimes, I need them more than they need me and sometimes, they need me more.
I think I’m a good friend because I’m fiercely loyal to my girls…I would do anything for them. I think I’m a pretty good listener and am genuinely concerned for them. I pray for my friends, I pray with my friends, I drop what I’m doing if I need to help my friends, I love my friends for who they are and don’t ask or expect them to change and I laugh with my friends. A lot.
I just love my girlfriends.
And as fun as my Shade of Shay series is…wedges, nail polish, beachy hair and such is just fluff. My faith, my family and my friends are what gets me through each and every day.
I feel so blessed to have a community of girlfriends in my life.
And on a similar note…you know what my girlfriends love? When I make them food :). They really loved these…
…my simple little Lucky Charms Treats.
XOXO
Liz says
I have to say that having great girlfriends is one of the keys to happiness and security.
A long time ago when I was newly graduated, I received an opportunity to leave my home country (the land of kangaroos, koalas, and seemingly perpetual sunshine) and move to the US. My parents were more supportive than anyone else, but even my mum said to me, "well, you're leaving your support group behind". I poo-pooed that comment and my exact words back were "I can make friends ANYwhere."
It took me a good five years of living in the US before I felt like I had strong friendships like I did back home. I learned the hard way to appreciate the friendships you have.
And, Shay, I totally agree with you on the seasons of friendship. As friends grow up and get married, there can be angst from the single-friends who can no longer hang out the same way they did before the friend married. The same thing happens when married friends have a baby, and they (too) enter a new season of their life, and mothers' groups and friendships through play dates form. Now that my two oldest DDs are teenagers, my kids are independent and it's been fun renewing my friendships and catching up with old friends that have been in a more-or-less stationary position for the past ten years or so.
Sheaffer {Pinterest Told Me To} says
SUCH A FUN POST! Sooooooooooooo many great pictures! So thankful for you and all of our amazing friends!!!!! We are some lucky girls to all have each other!
xoxo,
me 🙂
Anonymous says
thanks for the post today…I felt like I was meant to read that today!…god has a weird way of doing things like that. Anywho…quick question about those lucky charm treats…do they stay soft…every time I make rice crispy treats they tend to get kind of hard…any advice?
thanks!
Tab & Erika says
AWE!!! LOVE YOU FRIEND!!! This was fun! You gave some great advice. Loved all those pics!!
Narci says
So thankful for you, friend–and all of our super incredible girlfriends! Great post!! Xoxo!
Aubrey says
Yes, yes, and YES! I love this post so much. I'm a girls' girl too, and I feel so fortunate to have very close girlfriends all over the globe from our crazy adventures. I've had amazing support networks in three different countries! I agree COMPLETELY with everything you said, especially social media, treating your friends well, gossip, and seasons. Glad to count you as a friend. Some day we're totally hanging out in real life. 😉
Dollie says
Great post! I liked your line: "I'm not going to use energy that I could be spending on my husband and kids worrying and fretting about a relationship that just isn't healthy. " And I love how you focus on being positive, and genuine. That is so important!
Kim M. says
Shay this is such a great post!! It really connected with me how you said that your friends have similar values and morals but have different life experiences/opinions etc. I grew up in CT and met my husband in college and SC so have a wide variety of friends too and it is all good! BTW I made the skillet chicken spaghetti for my family last night and it was a huge hit! Your blog is a blessing for this full-time special ed teacher Mama!
Kathy Lang says
Love this post! I think everything you mentioned about friendship is so important. You and ask your friends are very blessed to have one another…as you know. 😉
Coreline Mayfield says
What a great, great post! Love that you addressed social media which can become such an intrusive part of our lives and that you talked about the seasons of friendship. Some great advice 🙂
Lynn {A Taste of Country} says
Love this post and how much your friendships mean to you! Great girlfriends are such a blessing 🙂
Anonymous says
Just wondering – how did you and Sheaffer meet? And how often do you make it a point to get together with your friends? (in a large group vs one on one)
Sarah E @ theteacherswife.com says
Such a great post with some great tips on how to avoid drama. I think having a strong group of girlfriends is so important! Thank for sharing!
Katie Compton says
Wonderful post!! As an only child… my friends are my chosen siblings. I'm still BFFs with my 3 high school BFFs (we are all in our mid 30s) and I'm blessed to be able to see them monthly. I have also been blessed to make other friends through different seasons… coworkers, parents of my daughter's friends, husband's friends, etc. And I couldn't agree more about what you said about the importantance of being secure in your friendships…I'm sad for friends I know that struggle with this. I also think it's so important for our kids to see their parents being loyal friends…. we our the models for how they will treat their friends! Anyway… as always a wonderful post. 🙂
Katie @ Team Skelley says
I really very much liked this post.
I met my bestie in the first grade at Girl Scouts and all these years later (30 years, yikes!) we are still best friends. My best friend in college – who is actually a dude – and I are still friends 15 years after we graduated.
Facebook is a double-edged sword, it can be shallow and ridiculous but it also helps me keep up with childhood friends, previous work friends and friends in far-away places that I don't see often.
I think that friendships can really have a positive impact on our lives and it is so important to model good friendships to our kids so they can learn how to form bonds and connections. And it is just fun. 🙂
Slightly Askew Designs says
I wasn't a girls girl AT ALL until I met y'all 🙂 My parents have always said that I'm an "old soul" and in high school and even college I just didn't have tolerance for drama and so I avoided it… which usually meant avoiding the girls! That said, I count it one of my greatest blessings to have found the friendships I have now! Thanks for being an AMAZING friend, girly!!! 🙂
Shelby says
This was one of my favorite posts you have ever done!!! Seriously the best advice ever!! You all remind me so much of my group of friends, and it makes my heart so happy 🙂
Slightly Askew Designs says
Also….. pretty sure I'm your friend who posts too many pictures. hahahaha 🙂
cmcdonald says
Such a sweet post full of amazing girlfriend advice! Thanks for sharing!,
Leslie says
Hi Shay! Thank you for this post! I really appreciated your thoughts about how friendships have different seasons! I have been praying about a childhood friendship of mine that I want to be more genuine. Hopefully my prayers will be answered!
christa levin says
Gosh you are so super sweet! Your friends are SO lucky to have you:)) you make me smile:) xo
Anonymous says
Gosh you are so super sweet! Your friends are SO lucky to have you:)) you make me smile:) xo
Lora G says
Really great, insightful, and positive comments about friendship. Thank you!
Tammy says
Such a wonderful post ! My very best friend lives in Denver and she and I text almost every day. We met through a friend and to this day I'm feel so blessed to have such an amazing friendship with her still after 20+years.
You nailed it when you say be genuine. I think it's the most important.
That rice crispy treat looks amazing, thanks for sharing !!
Jessica White says
Can I move to Texas and be your friend? I am going thru a time right now that I don't have many "close" friends and I feel lonely. I have been working a LOT lately…and haven't had time to work on my friendships.
Liz/happymommy says
Such a great post! Loved all of your answers and how genuine you truly are. You and your friends are so blessed to have each other! I have also loved reading lots of their blogs and getting to know them better, you are all such a great group of women! I don't know where I would be in life without all my besties, love them to pieces and am so thankful for each and everyone of them every day!
Charity says
Awww! I love this! I actually just got home from my Ladies Bible study and I was thinking about how grateful I was to have such a loving group of women walking through life with me! (My Grams just passed away and they just covered me with love this morning)
MorganizewithMe says
This has so many good points in it. I love how you expressed the boundaries you use to maintain and foster good friendships. There is nothing better than a good friend who you can share with and always pick up right where you left off!
Tienna says
I just love this post!! I love that all of your posts are positive and upbeat, but still manage to be "real". And you've clearly mastered the art of friendship, so good for you!!
whitney says
You are so very blessed!
mommydontplay says
I love this! After having my baby, I noticed certain frienships changed and that's ok. Like you said, friendships go through seasons and just because you're not friends anymore; doesn't mean you can't support each other!
Maureen SIM says
Great post! I totally agree that a lot of my friends have come from church or other activities we do together!
Laurie S says
GREAT POST SHAY – I think this is one of your best! Like the 1st Anonymous commented, I needed to read this today. Very heart touching, thought provoking. I love how you nurture your friendships, and also your practical and mature outlook.
Your friends are blessed to have you! And you are a blessing to me!
Kelly Stamps says
I love this because friends are SOOOOO important to me. I have a ton of friends and I'm sooooo thankful for them. I agree with everything you wrote.
And I'm thankful for "blog friends" too! 🙂
Anonymous says
This is an area of my life that I really struggle. I've never been very good at making friends…I'm a pretty quiet, reserved person. But when I do, I am loyal and committed and cherish that friendship. And then I end up getting hurt because those "friends" don't keep their commitments, don't include me, etc and I end up lonely again. This has happened over and over again throughout my life.
I'm a SAHM with two small children in a smaller town. My church is small. I don't have many opportunities to go places, especially where there are other SAHM's…and even when I do, it's hard for me to connect…I'm just so quiet.
My husband and family always tell me to be the one to reach out and invite people over or out to do stuff. And I do. But then nobody shows up. Seriously. I've been burned so much that I just don't invite girlfriends over anymore. (I once threw a baby shower for a friend and NOBODY showed up. )
Anyway, all that to say that I would love to have a friend that I could consider a close, "best" friend…and she would feel the same way about me. I'll keep praying, I guess. (Sorry to write so much…I guess I don't have much of anyone to open up to about this…just came spilling out.)
Thank you for this post. It gives me some hope and some good tips for making and keeping friends.
Jaren says
Great post! I can tell you are a great friend and value friendship in your posts.
Anonymous says
Thank you for this great post today. I think adult women tend to forget how important friends are once they get married and have children. There's nothing like another woman's point of view when you're having a tough time or just need to laugh! Loved all the pictures…you look like a wonderful group of ladies…Lana
The Cantelmo Family says
Loved loved loved this post! I completely agree about friends and God has blessed me with amazing friendships throughout my life!
I have best friends that I may not talk to for awhile because we don't live close but when we talk we leave off right where we left off! What a blessing! Also to have friends that will drop everything to pray with you is priceless. I love being able to pray for friends and their kids and vice versa! Life how God intended right?
I never understood friends arguing, I just don't get that. The time I spend with friends include laughing, crying together, having fun, shopping, and being in community together. I don't think I have had a friend that I have argued with. I just don't want to live life like that!
Great advice great post!!!!
Anonymous says
Great post but I am having a hard time bc what was my bestfriend we stop talking . I am still having a hard time but I do believe our season was over. How do you move on
Aubs says
Love this!! All of it!! Such a great post!
As a military wife, I've struggled off and on with opening myself to friendship knowing that our time together will be short. But God has been faithful in giving me the strength to be open to friendship and He has blessed me in unbelievable ways through my girlfriends!! Like you said, I'd be lost without them!!
Hope you're having a great week!
{Hi Sugarplum!} says
I have the sudden urge to call my childhood girlfriends and tell them how much I love them! 🙂 Great post, and love that you have such a great network of support!
mel @ the larson lingo says
LOVE this post!!! All of it is So, so, so true. Do not gossip!!! Be a good friend!!! And, no drama! Ain't nobody got time for that! 🙂
P.S. We also made St. Patty's Lucky Charms Krispy's over the weekend. Ha! My recipe is a little bit different. I made them & will be posting them with a St. Patty's printable next week. Perfect little treat for my kids friends 🙂