Happy Wednesday!
It’s the February edition of LET’S LOOK!
If you don’t know what this is, once a month, Erika and I do a little link up where we “look” at different aspects of our lives (and then if you blog, you share and link up too!). It’s often a random little assortment of topics.
In January, we looked at…
…our coffee bar areas, and today, we’re looking at…
…our love languages 🙂 .
(Side note: if you missed our Q&A with Andrew and Shay yesterday, we briefly touched on this topic! You can watch the video HERE.)
So, years and years ago, Andrew and I read the official book on The Five Love Languages…
…if you’ve never read it before, you should!! I honestly still think about this book all the time, and we read it probably 15 years ago. I think it’s applicable for not just your mate, but for your kids, your parents, your friends…everyone that you love. In the book, the author says there are five love languages and you’re more inclined to some over the others, BUT you can’t just focus on your love language because you have to know how to understand your (insert person here) love language. For instance, my love language is words of affirmation but Andrew’s is quality time. If I want to truly show Andrew little ways that make him feel loved, I need to speak his language and not mine (and vice versa). It’s super interesting, and I highly recommend the book.
So, “official love languages” aside, there are little ways we show each other love, so I thought I’d share those today about each of us Shulls including the dogs. Ha!
When I sat down to think about my peeps, it was interesting to me to think about how I know there are specific ways my kids all respond/react to things the other kids aren’t into.
So, let’s start with Andrew and me…
Nothing makes me happier than when Andrew does all the little things. Here is a little sample of what makes me feel loved: when he brings me home a Starbucks during the day, when I get into my car and the gas tank is full, when I see him emptying the dishwasher (with zero prompting), when I mention things like “geez, I need to weed my vegetable garden” and the next day, he’s done it for me. It’s those little things (thoughtful things) that really stand out to me and make me feel loved. I’ve said for years that receiving flowers aren’t my jam (I’d rather receive a coffee!), but about two years ago, I commented that in all of the Nancy Meyers’ movies I love so much, the leading ladies always have fresh flowers on their kitchen counters. Well, that’s all I said but every single week since then, fresh flowers appear on my island 🙂 . Every single week. They’re not fancy (just grocery store flowers), but they’re seasonal and make me so happy and feel so loved. So, that’s my love language.
Now, I asked Andrew the same question and his answers were short and sweet (granted, I think he was on a ski lift when I asked him). He said he feels loved when I spend time with him, when he sees me taking care of our family, when I “talk him off the ledge” about things, when I’m really positive, and when I talk about the future with him.
The longer I parent, the more I realize that my kids have different love languages too.
Here is a little snippet about each of them…
Kensington’s love language is doing things for her. If I come home from the grocery store and leave a packet of gum on her desk, she is so thankful and grateful. She likes to be thought of during the day. If I stop by her room and grab her laundry for her, she will notice first thing when she gets home from school. Her weakness is sugar (where my other kids aren’t really interested in dessert), so if I make her something sweet to enjoy after dinner, she is over the moon. I would say that thoughtfulness is something that speaks to this girl’s heart.
Mr. Smith on the other hand, has an entirely different love language. Smith wants you to talk to him. Smith wants to go for a walk with you and talk. He wants to sit at the kitchen counter and talk. He wants to share about his day, what he’s reading, the latest movie he’s watched…Smith is very verbal, very chatty and talking is his thing. On Monday, the girls were at speech, and I needed to run an errand, so I asked Smith if he wanted to go too. He jumped at the chance to sit in the car with me and chat. Both of Smith’s grandpas are chatty too, and it delights my heart to see him go off and be chatty with his grandpas.
Now, for Ashby? Well, her love language is one on one time. Ashby loves to have your undivided attention. She doesn’t care if you’re playing a game, watching a movie, going shopping or grabbing a bite to eat, Ashby just wants your attention. Her different therapists all agree that she’s a very easy patient because she loves the one on one time she receives in all therapies and because of it, is so open to talk, to work on her stuff, to cooperate, to grow…it’s a great attribute.
And finally, Miss Madeley. Well, this girl wants all your snuggles. She will ask me first thing in the morning if we can snuggle after school. She’ll drop what she’s doing and snuggle at any time, any place. At a baseball game? She’ll snuggle. At church? She’ll snuggle. At a restaurant? She’ll snuggle. She loves to snuggle and right now, I would say that’s her biggest love language.
Now…all of you dog people out there know that even the dogs have their own love languages…
…this crazy crew right here has taught me a lot about love. Ha! They’re all so different and want different things. Poppy (who is almost 9) wants to be near me. If I get up and leave the room, she’s going with me. If I’m outside, she’ll come out. She wants nearness. Frenchie (who is 3) wants you single her out. She likes to get attention. She’ll get so excited if I pick her up and not the other dogs. She wants you to hold her, love on her, and shower her with praise. Yankee (who is 1) wants you to play with her. She wants you to throw a ball, chase her, take her on a walk. This dog lights up when you’re physical with her.
So, we are the Shulls and these are our love languages. What are yours??? What are things that make you feel loved? I want to know!! Please tell me in the comment section!!
Also, next month, we will be hosting Let’s Look on March 17th and the topic is…
…our perfect night in 🙂 .
If you blogged today, please link up below! See you guys tomorrow! xx
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog says
This is cute! The concept of love languages is so useful in fostering good relationships! ❤️✨
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Kristen Thompson says
Aww so sweet to be so in tuned to everyone’s individual love language! My husband and I are exactly opposite of you and Andrew! I love all the quality time and he’s all about the words of affirmation! I think my daughter is like Ashby and loves the one on one attention too…she’s only 2 though so it could just be part of her age but since we have a new baby at home, I try extra hard to give her some one on one time!!
Kristen Hardison says
Hey Shay! Are you sure yours is words of affirmation? The examples you have of what Andrew does that makes you happy sound more like acts of service to me? Maybe that’s because that is mine ❤️ Loved this post! It’s fun to read about how different we all are! I feel like this bkkk was the “Enneagram” book of the late 90s/early 2000s ☺️
Alison T. says
I was thinking the same thing. 🙂
Lindsay says
I thought the same as well. ?
Hilde says
I really like Gary Chapman’s book on this topic. It has helped me with my relationships with multiple people. From your description, it sounds like your love language is gifts and acts of service (flowers, coffee, filling up gas tank). I am wondering why you said it is words of affirmation? BTW – I have a needy dog too! 🙂
Randi jo rooks says
So sweet ! Great reminder to me to think about my people’s love languages. Thank you!! Have a blessed day ?
polly pover says
I wonder if there is a correlation between gender and love language? I also wonder if a pet’s love language mirrors that of it’s primary caretaker? Did the book explore these speculations?
Thanks for the recommendation of a good read!
Sheaffer Sims says
Mine is definitely acts of service!
Ash says
Highly recommend people read this book but also to put it into practice! Are you sure your love language is words of affirmation? Based upon what you described it sounds like your love language is acts of service and then gifts!
Mix and Match Mama says
I think it’s the one that manifests itself the most naturally in our marriage.
Alison S. says
Sounds like you might have switched to acts of service as your love language! I’ve read and loved the book as well, and I think my love language has changed since having kids.
Dana P says
Love the sweet weekly flowers thing! ?
My husband’s is probably physical touch and mine is just not! ? It’s not that I don’t like to be touched, I just literally don’t think about it. I have to give myself pep talks sometimes to remember to touch my people. Ha! Not babies and younger kids though, I’ve always been a very cuddly mama.
I have a hard time with the love languages thing, but I think mine is probably words of affirmation. I cry really easily though (hate it!), so maybe having those words of affirmation written down where I can read them and not become a blubbering mess is really how I would prefer to receive them. But maybe quality time when it comes to friendships…I need to read that book again!
Kay says
I’m the same way – just literally don’t think about touch. I need to figure out a way to be more “handsy” with my people.
Amy says
Sounds like your love language is actually acts of service (mine too!). Nothing makes me love my husband more than when he does things for me without my prompting! ❤️
Maggie Eterno says
I LOVE fresh flowers on the kitchen island. I buy them every week. They make me happy!
Rachel says
Gary Chapman also wrote a book specifically about children’s love languages, how to determine what they are, and even how to discipline based on their individual love languages. It’s a quick read, but super helpful!
Kc says
Shay it sounds like yours are more acts of service and gifts ?
Laci Murray says
I have the same love language as you-small things that make me feel loved! Example: one day I was venting that I could not find my creamer at the store and in a few days I open the fridge and there was one in there! Just simple acts of love and service. My kids are opposite as well. My son is quality time-my daughter is gifts (thoughtfulness).. So neat to learn how we all tic.
Shelley H says
So Gary Chapman who wrote the 5 Love Languages lives in my town and over the years, I have been able to hear him speak a number of times. His Love Language books for teens and children are good. I think you would really like them. Right before the pandemic, he spoke to a group of moms about his book DIY Building Families that Last. It was really good too and built on the Love Languages. Just thought I would share.
Colleen McTeague says
Mine is definitely gifts! It took me awhile to accept that because it seemed materialistic, but it’s not about the gift, it’s about the fact that they thought of me when I wasn’t around or something reminded them of me ?? you said yours was words of affirmation, but all the things you listed that make you feel loved fell somewhere between gifts and acts of service and I think that’s totally interesting and made me wonder if our love languages change over time! Thanks for sharing!!
Mix and Match Mama says
Yes!! I know a lot of “gifters”. That’s my mom’s actually! I know it often sounds materialistic, but my mom expresses herself in the same way and is such an amazing giver.
Molly McIntyre says
Shay, it sounds like your love language is acts of service! And Kensington’s, too.
Mix and Match Mama says
When I did the quiz, it was most certainly my number two!
Lauren Palmer says
My love language is thoughtfulness–If Brian thinks about me and is thoughtful, I feel loved. His love language is when I don’t spend too much money. True. Story. That is totally his love language.
Lori Keller says
I chuckled when you said Smith was “chatty” because that’s what you said about Andrew on your video yesterday. I guess there are a lot of chatty genes in this family! My son was a chatterbox too!
Mix and Match Mama says
With the men especially!
Elspeth says
I love this!!! I love to do things for others and for things to be done for me even if it’s soemthing small.
http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
Lauren says
It’s funny that you say your love language is words of affirmation but then you said the things that make you feel loved are actually acts of service! My love language is totally acts of service so I feel that!
Mix and Match Mama says
I think it’s because that’s a stronger one for Andrew (he’s not great with words of affirmation at all), and it’s my second love language.
Alice says
Plus Andrew said he liked giving gifts so it’s helpful that he can do that for you even if acts of service is your 2nd love language.
My first is acts of service and my 2nd is quality time.
Laura says
I Love that Smith loves to talk! I hope he stays like that especially in high school ?
Molly says
I love that! It really is interesting how differently people express and receive love! Great topic headed into Valentine’s Day. Your examples of receiving love sound more like acts of service, but it’s been awhile since I read the book, I probably should get a refresher!
Mix and Match Mama says
Yes, that’s a strong one for Andrew and my second love language, so it’s the one that manifests itself in our marriage the most often.
Marisa says
We read this years ago and it helps you to not exhaust yourself doing things for others that dont really matter to them. It also is neat to know you typically speak the language you want to receive. It can be transforming to really work at doing things for others that dont come naturally to you. Love it so much. You will love the enneagram if you dig deeper into it. It’s been so helpful for me to understand my kids and husband better.
Mix and Match Mama says
YES!!! You nailed it!
Chrissy says
Wouldn’t that mean your love language is acts of service?!
Mix and Match Mama says
That’s my second love language. My first is words of affirmation…but it’s Andrew’s “least likely to use” love language, so I appreciate service since it’s stronger for him.
Alison T. says
Shay- ahh yes! It did seem like a lot of yours were acts of service and after reading many of the comments celery I wasn’t alone in that thought. lol. But knowing that it’s not Andrew’s strongest way to show his love, your “runner up” language makes a lot more sense. I am the same! Words of Affirmation followed strongly by Acts of Service. My husband is not good at the words but responds better with actions. 🙂
Becky Batten says
I love this book. By the way you describe what makes you happy it sounds like Acts of Service might actually be one of your love languages. That is my husbands love language. He loves to have a coffee as a surprise or when I take in his dry cleaning in for him etc. My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. That book is so helpful. I recommend it too.
Talia says
Admittedly off topic, can you provide details of the rug in the photo of your adorable Madeley, please. It is lovely. Also, I think it is wonderful that you know your family’s love languages AND love them accordingly. So very sweet!
Mix and Match Mama says
It’s from Pottery Barn but I’m not sure if they still have it or not?
Donna Mason says
Oh my goodness, Andrew is an AMAZING husband. I have been with my husband for 34 years and he is everything to me. The things Andrew does for you are the most thoughtful gestures I have ever heard. A keeper for SURE Shay. Loved your video yesterday as well.
Evan says
I am like you. My love language is words of affirmation but my husband isn’t great at that. He’s much more likely to show me using acts of service (which is my second love language). I’ve adapted and realized that this is how he shows his love and it means almost as much as words to me. I think he does the acts of service because that’s his love language. After 18 years of marriage, I’m figuring this out and learning to do acts of service for him to show my love rather than just words and touch because those don’t mean as much to him. Recognizing these things only makes our relationship stronger. You’ve made me want to really think about my kids’ love languages too so I can show them love in the way that means the most to them.
Sandy Howard says
I’m so glad I read this post! This was a great reminder to me. I also read this book about 20-25 years ago and tend to forget how important love languages are. My husband’s language is also words of affirmation and mine is acts of service. Funny that I too remember telling my husband early on that I appreciated the flowers he bought but that I would much rather have a lasting gift. ? Have you read Personality Plus by Florence Littauer? This reminds me of her book which also taught me a lot about myself and my family.
Diane says
I love how you included your sweet pups! We are devastated to have lost our 11year old rescue Chiweenie suddenly to an aggressive spleen tumor. Our rescue Shar Peis still look for him, and I miss my quaranteam buddy. Hugs (and some tears) from Waco?.
Mix and Match Mama says
Ohhhh! I’m so sorry, Diane! I’m sending you so much love right now!!
Jennifer says
Well Shay! You’re just great! Thanks for sharing your gifts and talents through your blog. There’s some words of affirmation for you! Loved this topic!
Lynn says
Such a great concept to think about in all relationships. I like that you included your dogs’ love languages too because it’s so true! We have two dogs, one’s love language is physical touch – he wants all the snuggles and petting, will walk from one human to another at the dog park to get petted. And the other’s is treats! She knows exactly what time of day we usually give treats and doesn’t let us forget it, and is very attuned to anytime we are holding something that may be a treat for her!
Erika Slaughter says
Loved getting a peek into how you Shulls give and receive love best!!
Jes says
As a fellow “Words of Affirmation” girl along side of Smith, I can already tell he would do well in Sales. Personally, I made a transition into Sales a bit into my professional life and it was the perfect move for me… I love connecting genuinely with my clients. Can totally see him doing well in that career. Love seeing what your other kiddos are and cheering them all on!
Kathy says
My love language is acts of service, which means I love it when my husband does things for me—without me asking him to, or without hesitation when I ask him for help. My 2nd love language is gifts. I love receiving and giving. My husband’s primary love language is physical touch, and he wants frequent hugs & kisses. His 2nd love language is worlds of affirmation, and is really happy when I tell him I love him or how proud I am of him.
Our daughter’s love language is gifts and words of affirmation, so pretty much a combination of her parents. Our 2 year old goldendoodle, Whiskey, loves time/attention. He follows me or my husband around the house and always grabs a toy for us to play with him. Working from home has made our Whiskey very happy.
Nancy says
Oh thats all so sweet! We are so lucky to have such thought ful hubbies! Thanks for hosting!
Kacy M says
That was really sweet to read! My love language is quality time and gifts (me giving, not receiving).
julie says
Well. I just tried the almond butter almonds from TJ for the first time today, and can I make that my love language? So, bring me those. Then I’ll love you.
Nadine says
You said that your love language is words of affirmation, but then when you described what you like, it really is acts of service.
Amy says
This is one of my all time favorite books. My nephew spent a lot of time with us when he was a child and I read it initially so that I could connect with him and his needs. My love language is acts of service. I’m like you, Shay. If you unload the dishwasher for me… I will love you forever. My husband wants quality time. We don’t even have to be talking… just wants me to be there. Great book to suggest!
Stacey says
Smith is going to be a great husband one day! Many guys don’t know how to just sit and talk.
Tina says
Reading about Ashby and Madeley’s love languages, knowing they both spent so much time in an orphanage without those things, has me ???. So thankful those sweet girls are being so well loved now.???