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I'm Shay! I’m a cookbook author, lifestyle blogger, travel agency owner, wife and mama who loves making every day special for my family.

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Mix & Match Mama

Grab Bag Questions ·

Shay’s Random Grab Bag #8


Happy, happy Monday!

Today, I have the first SHAY’S RANDOM GRAB BAG of 2023!

Now, you know the drill…I pull some of your random questions and answer them all here in one little post.

~If you missed Grab Bag #1, I covered everything from Kensington’s daily g-free meals, to where Andrew buys his clothes, marriage advice and more!  Catch it HERE.

~If you missed Grab Bag #2, I cover how I handle crappy days, parenting tips, how I started my travel agency, how I pack my toiletries and how I organize my closet!  You can read that one HERE.

~In Grab Bag #3’s post, I shared how I plan vacations for my family, more book suggestions, house cleaning tips and more #OOTD.  You can catch that one HERE!

~In Grab Bag #4, I answered questions regarding my kids’ quirks, Pinterest, what I wear on a plane and more!  That post is HERE.

~In Grab Bag #5, I chatted all things technology and kids, food items I always have on hand, our home buying process, details from our trip to Mexico and my relationship with Jesus.  You can read that post HERE.

In Grab Bag #6, I answered questions about McKinney, fitness, faith and more!

And in Grab Bag #7, I cover my favorite Peloton classes, how to “travel with extended family” which designer items I like to invest in and more!

This time, when I randomly picked from your questions, here is what ended up in the grab bag…

Andrew and I have always had the same system, but the longer I’ve owned my travel agency and the older my kiddos have gotten, the number of trips I take each year has changed a bit.  Last year, was the most epic travel year of my entire life, and there is just no way to top that this year (goodness, last year, I went to Park City, London (twice!), Hawaii, Boston, Nantucket (four times!), Mexico, Spain, France, Monaco, Italy, Walt Disney World (twice!), and Germany for Oktoberfest.  I mean?  That simply cannot be topped in my opinion.  (You can catch recaps from all of those trips HERE by the way.)

I anticipate 2023 will be amazing, but I think I just had my ultimate year in travel 🙂 .

So, how do we decide?  Andrew and I always sit down at the end of the year/beginning of the next year and talk through our calendar/kids sports/holidays/events and bucket list destinations.  We then take that info and look at our budget to see what we can do.  We have our favorite spots that we like to repeat (Park City, Nantucket, Boston, Mexico) when we can.  Plus, for my business, it’s good for me to visit Walt Disney World as often as possible, so we try to factor that in too.  Basically, we have a running list of favorite places, a running list of bucket list favorites and a budget.

We have all of our trips planned out through Spring Break 2024 right now 🙂 .

I was clearly born to be a travel agent as I just love, love, love planning vacations…especially my own.

I’m trying to incorporate even more!   

Make sure you hop over to @mixandmatchmama and check out my Stories to see what I’m doing today, but I will do a complete Day in the Life later this week too!

Carefully.

Let’s be real, I hope we’re doing this right, but maybe we’re not?  It’s hard.

Teenagers are complicated.

Andrew and I *try* to stay calm and not be judgmental and let them talk and not tell them what to do or expect them to be more mature than their age…but certainly, sometimes I want to scream/lock them in their rooms/remove them from school and turn off the TV.

This world is CRAZY, and my kids tell me stories/say things/ask questions that make me question humanity, but I just try sooooo hard to be calm, let them talk and give them Biblically sound advice.  And I pray for them like crazy.

Andrew and I also try not to *fix* everything which is extremely hard for us because we want to fix everything.  If my kid is doing something/saying something/behaving poorly, we encourage better, but we also know that life offers up natural consequences and sometimes, that’s way more affective than me getting on to them or getting involved.

We are trying to raise humans that love Jesus and are responsible citizens in a world that is pretty much pointing them towards the opposite direction, so when big conversations happen, we *try* to stay quiet, listen and lovingly encourage them towards the Cross.

And pray, pray, pray, pray.

But Jesus!!!!

I’ve been there!

I love that you recognize you want friendship in your life and you’re seeking it.

There was a chapter in my life when I was first married where we moved three times in two different states over two years.  I changed jobs.  I changed jobs again.  And once more. I changed churches.  And then again.  And then once more.  If you look back at my prayer journal from that time period, I prayed almost daily for friendships.  I FELT SO ALONE.  I lived in a new town, knew no one, worked all day long with only one person…my husband and bonus, I was trying to get pregnant and couldn’t.  That time WAS TERRIBLE.  But I prayed.

My mother-in-law once told me “people who want friends are friendly”.  Wow.  Talk about wisdom.

It took a lot of time (and was hard, please don’t get me wrong!), but finally, I really started inserting myself into situations where I could possibly make friends.  I clearly wasn’t going to make them at work (hello, I just worked with my hubby!), so I joined a Monday night Bible study, I joined a gym and started going to the same classes after work, I asked people to lunch/coffee/my home, Andrew and I invited other couples over we met at church, I volunteered at church, and slowly, I started becoming more acquainted with more people and truly found the very best friends I could have ever asked for.  When I first became pregnant with Kensington, I met a group of ladies through a Tuesday night Bible study that truly changed my life.  They are the very best friends I could have ever asked for.  God blessed me richly and abundantly with not just one amazing friend, but a whole fabulous/unique group of them…but it took years and a lot of effort on my part.  I think that it’s easy to just sit back and wait for things to happen to us in life, but God wants us to act, to move…even though I didn’t meet the very best friends at those workout classes, I was getting in a good workout and that was beneficial to me.  It’s so much more about the journey than the destination.  If you’re looking for friendship, take the advice of my mother-in-law and be friendly.  Get out of your comfort zone and seek out experiences that lead to community that lead to friendship.

I’ll get off my soapbox now 😉 .

Oh I love my teen boy so much!

I’m learning how to make sure he and I get a lot of quality time together, and I’m a work in progress and certainly no expert, but right now, I’m just always trying to meet him where he is.

He loves getting breakfast at this one spot, so I make sure I take him (just us!) as often as I can for that one on one time.  He likes to be outside, so I go out there with him and bike with him, watch him shoot his bow and arrow, I’ll shoot baskets…whatever he’s doing out there, I’ll go and join or watch.  I’m also always trying to think of movies he might like that the girls wouldn’t care for, and I’ll ask him to watch them with me.

If he is interested in something, I ask questions and engage with him on the topic.

I’m just always looking for little ways to connect as often as possible.

Now, I happen to think I have one amazing boy, so it’s not super hard to enjoy his company, but those are my little tricks for getting in extra mom and Smith time.

I know!

I know.

I know.

I know.

The real reason I do not?

Because I’m lazy.

I don’t like to walk around the house in my shoes (ew, gross, shoes are so dirty), so I get dressed and then put them on at the last minute when I’m walking out the door.  I should really just put a mirror in my garage.  Bahaha!  “Here is today’s outfit and my lawnmower.”  I will try harder to be better with this.  I actually do wear shoes (not socks), but you don’t see them because they’re not added to that day’s look until I’m walking out the door.

I’ll try harder!

That wraps up today’s GRAB BAG!

Thank you (always!) for leaving me so many questions/topics to cover!  If you have any to add, head to the comment section and drop them there.

Happy, happy Monday!  I’ll see you tomorrow! xx

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Comments

  3. Nicole says

    Hey Shay! On your Q&A with Andrew, he said he has a good rotation of meals that he makes, and I know he’s said before he would love just the routine of eating the same meals. Just wondering what your go to suppers are that are on rotation?

  4. Jennifer S. says

    I love these – thank you! Does Kensington have any good book recommendations of some fav books she has read lately? I have a daughter around her age. Thanks for sharing!

  7. sandi says

    Spot on advice for those hard conversations with teens. My husband is the best at this, he can keep a neutral face and have zero reaction to whatever our teens blurt out. We have four kids (20, 18,18, 14) and the things they are facing today are nothing like I face in the 80’s. Add social media to that (our youngest does not have any social media) and they see all the things. BUT, if you want kids that talk to you the best reaction is no reaction. “_____ is messing around with drugs” Wow that’s tough, how do you feel about that? “_____ might be pregnant and I can’t even believe she would do that” Wow, that’s really a tough spot, how do you feel about that? Inside my head? that’s a different story… I’m screaming, calling moms, wringing my child’s friends neck, talking sense into them (in my head remember?) If that was my reaction when the statement is blurted out they would never come to me again.

    Recently one of my 18 year old daughters sent me a picture of her friend in another college several hours away. The way she was dressed, the way a boy had his hands all over her, the beer in her hand was disappointing to my daughter. Her words were so sad, mom, I don’t know what to feel about this and my response was that I didn’t either. Trust me, it’s taken a long time to get here and not blow up, but my kids don’t need that because they are just as confused as I am at some of the things they see. If I had the reaction I wanted to have she would not have felt comfortable showing me that photo.

    The family dinner table is so important… when the older ones were in high school and we had four kids in four different sports and music lessons, that does not make it easy. Dinner at 4:00 one night, a crock pot dinner out of the back of the car between activities, dinner at 8:00 the next night, it makes me tired to think about those days. But our toughest and best conversations were around the table. One night may be all silly talk and then next a tough relevant teen topic. Also, understand the need for a teen to retreat to their room for a little bit, but don’t let them stay there.

    Good advice also about making friends as adults. With only one left in high school, I am transitioning out of the automatic the moms of my kids friends are my friends phase. We live in an area where the local public schools are not well run so ours go to a private Christian school. With kids coming from several different cities, their friends do not necessarily live in our neighborhood. It is a little lonely but I know I need to reach out more especially before this last child at home leaves for college.

    Jumping down from my soapbox and that’s about all the vulnerability I can handle for a Monday. Thanks for a great post Shay!

    • Ashley says

      Sandi, thank you for your very beautiful comment. I’m not a commenter (I mean – I’ve been reading Shay’s blog since Smith was a baby and I’ve NEVER commented – not even once!) but your wisdom hit home so deeply that I wanted to be sure you knew how much you’re touching us out here in the big world. Our oldest is 13, and I’m just starting to get practice in keeping the communication open when really I just want to yell/fix/tell. I’ll be keeping your wisdom tucked away in my mind where it will improve my relationship with my kids for many years to come. Thank you for taking the time to share it on Shay’s blog. You brought tears to my eyes this morning – tears of gratitude and hope. Thank you.

    • Leslie S says

      Sandi,
      Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom in this comment. As a mom of 3 just hitting the teen years the things they deal with today are so different and it’s hard to remain neutral. Hearing your stories helps me to know it will bear fruit as they grow. Thank you so much for the encouragement!!

    • Sara says

      Need more advice from Sandi! Will take this tactic moving forward- I know I have a lousy poker face and my daughter’s expression shows I’ve let her know what I think before I even open my mouth, but I’m trying. Does Sandi have a blog- would she start one…please!!

    • Deena says

      Sandi, I went through a lot of moves while my kids were younger and I usually joined newcomer clubs each time. My sons are now grown and I still belong to one that doesn’t make you leave after a set time so it’s essentially a women’s club. I know several ladies who belong to Meetup groups and you may want to check them out where you live. There are usually ones that fit something you’re interested in.

  8. MelanieL says

    I always love a post when we get insight into raising teens…it is hard but it is so fun! Lol at your OOTD w/shoes and your lawnmower!! I hope everyone has a great day! 🙂

  9. Lisa says

    I love your response about making friends! And your mother-in-law has such wisdom.
    I now live in a town that is 30 miles from where I lived for over 25 years. It shouldn’t be so hard to make friends! But it is 😕

  10. Alison says

    Love all this! I agree that we cannot shelter our children. It does make me so sad and mad about the things that our babies have to see and go through. But, you’re so right to pray pray pray! Thanks for sharing, Shay!

  11. Darian says

    We always asked our teen, “do you want advice or encouragement” so that we could understand how they wanted us to communicate with them. This was so important for my husband to practice as he just wanted to fix things!

    Good job Mama!

  12. Laura says

    Same about the no shoes worn in my house…laughed out loud about the mirror in the garage…I guess you could get a green screen?? lol Actually, that does remind me that the new photo features on apple phones do a great job of making backgrounds blurry…but I guess the garage probably doesn’t have the best light! Oh well, I’m sure you’ll figure something out! 🙂

  13. Kay says

    I just screen shot your advice on teen talks-it was wonderful. Thank you for sharing! I have three myself, 13, 15, 16 and it’s really hard to stay calm. Someone told me about “WAIT” which means “Why am I talking?” Lol. I think it does pertain to conversations with teens a lot though. I too, want to solve things for them. And you’re so right that mainly what they need is to vent and bounce things off a trusted adult. They don’t need you to tell them what to do! (Or maybe they do? but if you do, they won’t listen).

    Love these grab bags post and I say leave the slippers on! That’s how I walk around 99% of the time too!

    • Mix and Match Mama says

      Agh! It’s so hard! I just want to give them all the advice and tell them what to do. I’m not great at keeping my mouth shut, but Jesus is helping me through this right now. xx

    • Amy Azza says

      Hi Kay, I am the mom af a 17 year old teenage girl and I struggle so much with all of this, your comment about WAIT really helped me, thank you for posting such great advice! I agree- if we tell them what to do they won’t do it.. but it is oh so hard. I think I have to give myself permission to let her fall. That is my biggest struggle. I want to solve everything and in many ways she is so grown up and doesn’t want my advice, she just needs to know I am there. Parenting teenagers is no joke.

  14. Leslie says

    I love everything you share. Lately I have been focused on travel. What would you recommend for work travel for a momma that is back working and traveling after 15 years? I have pieced some things together with your posts but wondering if there’s anything specific I should keep in mind when packing and traveling for work trips.

    • Mix and Match Mama says

      I think I would say to pack neutrals that layer well and also mix and match. One pair of black jeans can be dressed up or down and worn multiple days and still look great. I hope your future travels bring you great job in this new job!!

  15. Evan says

    My oldest is going to be 13 soon and I needed to hear this today. He’s starting to encounter more of these big kid situations and this is a great reminder to sit back and listen. Not try to solve everything for him or direct him on how to handle it. He needs to figure it out for himself.

    Sandi – Thank you for sharing your thoughts too. It is so valuable to use the experience of others to learn and adapt. This was something I really needed to hear/read right now.

    The world is so different now than when my husband and I were growing up. Our children are experiencing different challenges than we faced. It’s hard to know what you’re doing right.

    • AliJ. says

      I so agree about the teenage years and talking! My daughter is 14 and chose to go away to boarding school (yes at 14 but it is only an hour away and it was totally her choice and she’s very happy there). We have always had the sort of relationship where I made sure she knew she could always come talk to me. I didn’t have a relationship like that with my Mom but it was also a different time and my Mom was also the oldest Mom in my class. I’ve tried to make sure to meet her at her level and let her know she could always come back if she had more questions or concerns. And boy you hit the nail on the head about wanting to fix things! This past December my daughter had an issue with her roommate. I knew it was going to bad when she cried me from school and said she’d have to text me what the problem was with her roommate. As soon as I saw it, I wanted to fast track it to her school and pull her out or make the school move her to another dorm. I had to step back and let the dorm counselor and school take care of the situation. I also had many talks with her that thankfully I was prepared for and had to also forgive her roommate for her actions – that was the hardest part. But they are teenagers and they have to learn now from their mistakes because now so hopefully when they are adults, they do not repeat the mistakes.

  16. Anna says

    It is really hard to make friends as an adult. The BEST advice I got, which is so similar to what is here: If you want to have a good friend, be a good friend! If you wish someone was reaching out to just say hi and see how you’re doing, the people you know are also wishing for that so go first and check in on the people you’ve met. It is SO UNCOMFORTABLE (at least for me, and ultra-introvert) but it works 🙂

  17. Carolyn H says

    I love these grab bag posts and today’s was especially good! I love that some of the questions lend to more advice style answers (like an Ask Shay) – you have so much good wisdom/advice to share. Hope to hear even more of your perspective and insight on topics in 2023. So valuable! And then I loved the no shoes OOTD’s on a lighter note.

    I also feel like sometimes people forget that travel doesn’t just “happen”. You have to make the plan, you have to make the saving a priority. In my experience it rarely just happens to me that a travel opportunity falls in my lap, I have to choose a place, a time I’d like to go and then it takes off from there. It’s one of those things you have to take action to make happen.

  18. Serena W. says

    Great advice from your MIL and one that really got me thinking. Friendships is one area where I am really struggling and feel myself avoiding interaction because I feel like I have nothing in common with most of my friends these days. My husband and I do not have kids, we tried for almost 10 years and after many years of heartbreak it was just not meant to be for us.

    So, when I am around my friends or we are around our couple friends – everyone talks about their kids. I feel like I am the elephant in the room because I/we are the only people without kids in our circle. We don’t know anyone that doesn’t have a family. The older I get the more insecure I am about the fact that we don’t have a family. We have tried several church small groups in hopes of meeting people in the same season we are in, but that hasn’t been successful.

  19. Flor Gutierrez says

    Thank you so much for your thoughts on handling hard conversations with teens and one on one time with a teen boy. These were all great questions!

  20. Suzen says

    I’m with you about shoes being gross and dirty. I’m curious how you handle shoes in your home? Is there a no shoe policy with your family or is it just you that doesn’t wear them inside? Also, do you have concern when others are in your home with their shoes on? I’m a bit over the top and if someone has shoes on inside my house I immediately mop after they leave. It just grosses me out so much.

    • Mix and Match Mama says

      I would never ask a guest in my home to remove their shoes (unless I guess if they were visibly muddy), but my kids and hubby take their shoes off by the backdoor every time. Andrew is an even bigger stickler about shoes in the house than me. I’ve blogged about this before, but we put racks by the backdoor and that’s where all of the kids’ shoes go.