Happy Monday, friends!
It’s our fourth official BOOK CLUB!
So far this year, our book club has read and reviewed…
The Last Love Note by Emma Grey. If you’ve read the book and want to participate in that conversation, you can visit that post HERE to comment/review/be a part of that book.
The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon. If you’ve read the book and want to participate in that conversation, you can visit that post HERE to comment/review/be a part of that book.
The Heiress by Rachel Hawkins. If you’ve read the book and want to participate in that conversation, you can visit that post HERE to comment/review/be a part of that book.
Before we get to today’s book, let’s revisit the “rules” of Shay’s Book Club:
Here are the details:
1: On the 22nd of each month, I will share a BONUS blog post that is only about the book we read together that month. So, if it falls on a weekend, look for it that day, if it falls on a Tuesday, expect a food post, a normal lifestyle post AND third post just for the book review discussion.
2: I picked the 22nd because I want this post to come out BEFORE our normal monthly BOOK REVIEW POSTS. I will still share my normal monthly book reviews (where I average 4 to 6 books a month) at the end of each month. I will reference said “book of the month”, but I will not be reviewing it on that post, I will be linking back to the BOOK CLUB POST. Why? Because I want all of the content about the one specific book club book in one spot instead of spread out over multiple spots.
3: Each month at the end of the Book Club blog post, I will share what the book will be for the following month. This will give everyone one month to read this one particular book.
4: Let’s be real, I’m going to try to pick new/popular/relevant books every month, but I’m also going to pick books that speak to me. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to share them with me. I’m going to *try* and make the books different genres each month. I would love for us to read a variety of fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, chick lit, thrillers, etc this year. That’s the *goal*.
5: What are the rules of the book club? I know a lot of book clubs have rules and perhaps I’ll add some as we go, but basically, if you want to read along with us, we’d love to have you and on the 22nd we’ll dive a little deeper in the comment section here about that one particular book. Easy as that! That post is the one place where we’ll discuss the book so that all thoughts/opinions/questions/etc can be in one location.
6: In this blog post and in the comment section, WE WILL BE DISCUSSING SPOILERS. If you are interested in reading this book, you might not want to read below this line. In APRIL’S BOOK REVIEW next week, I will give a quick recap and let you know if I recommend the book or not, so if you haven’t read it, you might want to wait until that official BOOK REVIEW because there will be no spoilers and based on that, you can decide whether or not to read the book. Anything below this though will include spoilers as everyone commenting here has already read the book.
Make sense?
Here we go…
What did we read this month?
This…
The Many Lives of Mama Love by Lara Love Hardin
Whoa.
Okay.
There’s a lot to unpack here.
I’m trying to be judicious about which books I give a FIVE STAR rating (so far, only one!), but that doesn’t mean that if I don’t give a book a high rating that I didn’t like it. To me, three stars fall somewhere in the “middle”, and when this book was all said and done, I felt “in the middle” about it.
Why?
Because parts were extremely hard for me to read and parts were extremely inspiring and when it was all said and done, I felt like they kind of cancelled each other out.
Here are my thoughts:
-I had to continue to tell myself over and over and OVER again as I read this book to “show grace”. There were many times that I had to remind myself that grace is needed for those struggling with addiction and even though I was reading some truly sad stories (especially about her kids), I needed to show grace. Grace wins.
-This book was H-A-R-D for my mama heart, and at one point, I almost thought I had made a terrible mistake suggesting this as our book this month. In the end, I am so happy that I suggested it, I just wish I would have known to suggest it with a disclaimer of “this involves trauma and a lot of heartache, so buyer be aware”.
– As I read this memoir, my heart started to break a bit because I feel certain that there are probably women online right now reading this that are struggling with addiction. I hope, if that’s you, you read this that you are loved and this community truly wants you to get help. This author was “a normal mom” like so many of us who was ultimately afraid to ask for help, and that to me is utterly heartbreaking. This is happening in our own towns and our own communities to parents at our own kids’ schools and wow, the magnitude of that is very heavy.
-I am SO HAPPY this story ended well. I am happy for Lara, I’m happy for her ex-husband, current husband and especially her kids. I took a giant exhale though when I closed the last page of this book because (based on all the other pages), I knew at any moment, it could have taken another hard right.
-Her insights and opinions about the legal system/the hierarchy of the jail/the rehab system…all of it was eye opening and let’s be honest, disappointing, as she described it. Based on her stories, I’m not sure how anyone struggling with addiction who gets arrested ever gets rehabilitated especially if they don’t have the financial resources for their legal fees and/or housing/transportation/etc when they’re released. It seems like such a vicious circle with no off ramp.
-I appreciate the author’s vulnerability. This was raw, real and very gritty. For most of the book, I wanted to beat my head against my Kindle with frustration over her choices (none more than when she was sentenced and had sat in the courtroom all day long with all of that ‘stuff’ stuck up her!), but I am so thankful she got the help she needed and pulled herself out of it. I also very much respect her boss for allowing her to keep her job, trusting her with responsibilities and showing her SO MUCH GRACE.
I don’t know guys, I don’t have a lot more to say except this one was hard to read because it’s about real issues affecting real families and the “real” real of it all made for a heavy book. I, of course, can’t share personal stories, but like many of you, I know people who have become addicted to pain medicine and/or illegal substances, and her “many lives” were often hard to read.
This was a HEAVY memoir.
Okay, so far this year, we’ve read a chick lit, a heavy dose of fiction, a suspenseful book, and a memoir.
What’s next for our book club?
Darling Girls by Sally Hepworth
Yes, yes, yes! One of my VERY favorite authors (and humans!) has a brand new book coming out TOMORROW, and that’s what we’re going to read in May. Sally’s books never disappoint, and this newest one sounds like the perfect “May read” for this group. I feel very confident, it will give us a lot to chat about on May 22nd. You can preorder it today for delivery tomorrow. If this is your first Sally Hepworth book, you are in for a treat!
That’s it for our 4th Book Club! I can’t wait to discuss below! xx
Kristen Thompson says
I’d give this book 4 stars. It was very eye opening to me about our legal system and people with addiction problems. It was very upsetting and at times hard to read. In a way it felt sort of like American Dirt in how it changed my perspective on some things and taught me things I didn’t know about our jails and people convicted of crimes. My husband is an attorney and I asked him like 10,000 questions while reading this haha! When I started this I thought, “there is no way I am going to like this!” But when I was done I was very glad I read it!
Nicole says
I gave this book 4 stars because it’s very well written. The choices she made and the situations she put herself in made it very sad and difficult to read though. Her story was eye opening to what happens to people in jail and how no one has just a 1 year sentence. Everyone has a lifetime sentence because of parole and how a criminal record prevents people from getting jobs and housing. She was one of the lucky ones.
Amy says
I read this book in 2 days. Heartbreaking but yet hopeful for anyone struggling. Very eye opening about our legal system! Thanks Shay for all your recs! This has been so fun to do this year with you!
Amy Heinl says
Can’t wait to dig into May’sbook. Mine just came in the mail. I picked it in my book of the month club choice hoping you would pick it for May’s read. I didn’t read April’s choice. We lived similar trauma in dealing with my sisters addiction of more than 40 years. Fighting to get her help, fighting to get custody of her kids to protect them, dealing with so many incompetent people in legal and medical system; I knew it would be triggering for me. I am glad that you chose it andI hope it brings a spotlight on the need for comprehensive long term treatment. Throwing someone in jail without addiction and mental health services only results in a worse addiction many cases upon getting out. There are Romany causes at the root of addiction issues and until you get to the bottom of those and begin to treating heal those..you don’t stand a chance of turning things around.
Rebecca Rooney says
Darling Girls is a great read, I read it last month with my own book club. A few times k was worried it’d be a little traumatic (kids in foster families), but I really enjoyed it.
Becky says
This was a very different book for me to read. I would tell my husband bits abd he would say, “Why are you reading that??” I agree, after reading this I realized how truly difficult it is for someone to rehabilitate themselves with all the fees, $$, rules, court cases, etc. I felt angry in the middle, especially when Lara was in the hospital and DJ injected her with heroin through her IV. I was happy at the ending to see how Lara found happiness with Sam, and that DJ is doing well. I am excited for Darling Girls- I already have a copy from Book of the Month Club and haven’t read it yet.
Emilee says
My husband is a police officer, and my three youngest siblings are adopted out of foster care, so this perspective was interesting for me to read. I was so frustrated when she kept relapsing, and didn’t know why she couldn’t pull herself together for her children. I am so glad that this story had a happy ending, but it makes me think of the many stories that don’t. This was a heavy one for me! All in all, I’m glad I read it. Can’t wait to read Sally’s new book!
J says
People don’t CHOOSE to relapse, just like people don’t choose to have cancer. Addiction is a disease.
Kelly Marie Sites says
This book was eye opening for me, too. I was sad at how the justice system releases people and they really have no support to get to their parole meetings, drug testing, etc. It sets them up for failure, because many do not have resources or a ride or a way to make it all work. I think they may fall back into their past lives, since that seems easier. She persevered, and I love a good resilience story. She had grit, and refused to let it drag her back to her past choices.
Stephanie Gregory says
Okay, this book was HEAVY, especially for us mama’s to read. I thought it started off so strong – it immediately had my attention. I was rooting for her even when she was making some horrible choices. The second half of the book sort of fell flat for me. I am SO happy that she got help, that things turned out well for her. But I felt like it was rushed and so much was missing! Overall, this was a good book. I also gave it 3 stars.
Brittany says
This review is very similar to what I would say!
All in all it gave me insight into a part of this world I don’t know much about. It makes me wonder how do we change things – how do we make things better?
Carlin says
All. Of. This.
I was most disappointed in her when she was clean, got released, and then allowed her husband to shoot her up with heroine. I wanted to reach into the back and grab her by the shoulders!
Yes, the judicial system! I learned a lot about that, too. It seems to be set up for the haves and have nots. If you don’t have a great support system waiting on the outside, then you are doomed!
It is definitely an excellent book to read if you are learning about grace! Give grace!
Erika Slaughter says
This is a book I never would have grabbed on my own but am so glad I did! I was truly inspired by her drive and determination to finally make the right decisions for her and her children after years of addiction ruling her life. The hard parts of her journey made all the good and tough decisions extra sweeter. I’d give it 4.2!!
Kit says
Hi Shay!! THANK YOU for your book club this year! I’m just about done with Sally’s new book… one of my favorite authors that you introduced me to, and I’ve read almost all of her books!… I am absolutely loving this one. It’s a page turner for sure. I can’t wait to discuss next month! Have a wonderful week! 🩷
Jennifer Maynard says
Just to warn you, Sally Hepworth’s new book is nothing like her others and very graphic with some child abuse stuff. Just wanted to warn you while you read it.
Mix and Match Mama says
Thank you for the heads up!!
Ashley says
I agree. It was a hard read for me and not one of my favorites of hers.
Rayne Osborn says
I also thought it was not my favorite of hers due to the content.
Twila Fricthl says
This book was hard. It is difficult to read how addiction can take over ones life to where they hurt others and lose everything, especially their children. For her husband who was also addicted, proclaim to love and “take care” of her, and then put drugs in her IV at the hospital after an infection from using took her there was over the top for me. To think she thought she could trust people in prison only for them to turn on her was another stomache turn. This woman truly was on her own to heal herself and fulfill the difficult requirements following her incarceration. Her inner strength made her much stronger and less likely for relapse. Im glad this woman had a happy ending.
Jenna says
This book is not one I would typically pick up for myself, but I’m glad I read it. I enjoyed some of the stories from when she was in jail on G block and Blaine Street. At times it was hard to read. It really shed some light on the justice system and how hard it can be to get back on your feet after being incarcerated. I also teared up many times hearing about the darkness of addiction. When she spoke about the hopelessness, the shame, the guilt, all I kept thinking was, “someone please tell her about Jesus!”. I was hoping that would come at some point. All in all I am glad I read it, and looking forward to reading the next book!
Kay says
I just love this book club! I actually loved this month’s pick. I agree it was frustrating at times. I got especially frustrated when she didn’t stand up for herself by refusing drugs in jail, and when she wouldn’t leave a relationship that was clearly not good for her. But!, I really welcomed this chance to understand what it is like to be in her shoes. I myself haven’t struggled with addiction, but my sister in law has. So this book gave me an insight into what it felt like for my sister in law. And I think that is going to be so useful in talking to her moving forward. It’s interesting (and this is why I love book clubs) because overall I thought this book was so hopeful, that it wouldn’t occur to me to call it heavy. But when you called it heavy I thought, of course it is! So it seems like the author did a good job of getting all the truth out there but leaving us with some hope.
I’m excited for next month’s read as I’m going to Sally’s READING on May 4th in Providence!! I got a special copy of the book that you get at the event. Can’t wait for it all!
Jessica says
I had a completely different take, and it never occurred to me to characterize the book as heavy. However, you are right. It is at times, but since it was a memoir, it gave me hope that she recovered. For me, the book was unputdownable. I also agree that it very eye opening and insightful about the justice system and how flawed it is. I’m also rooting for her as she now has a platform to not only advocate for those punished by the justice system but also reformation of the justice system. I was in awe with her courage to write about her experiences. To make herself vulnerable. It showed how far she’d come to overcome her own insecurities. This book was a good reminder that addiction does not discriminate.
Katie T says
Yes…hard book. However, it was one I really enjoyed reading. It was eye-opening and made me so appreciate the grace and love God gives us! I felt it read more like a story than a memoir, which I liked.
Debbie says
This was a hard read for me because I have an adult child that struggles with addiction. I will say the author painted a great picture of an addict’s life and the judicial system. It is horrible and discouraging for those who get caught adding stress that causes them to use and not get the help that is needed. People come from all different backgrounds (christian / nonchristian, weathly / poor, educated / noneducated), and you just never know if you will inherit the gene that makes you an addict until it is too late. When it is all said and done. there is no amount of money or support that can make a person stop using ….. they have to want sobriety more than the life they are living. I enjoyed this book and feel it will have a lasting impact on me overall. I would give it a 4.5 star rating for the raw truth and vulnerability.
Laci says
I don’t usually read memoirs but I enjoyed the rawness of this one!
Stacy says
I found this book fascinating and couldn’t put it down! The fact that you literally have no idea of the struggles your neighbor or friend might be shouldering behind closed doors is one we often forget. The detailed explanation and illustration of incarceration and our legal/justice system was so enlightening, disturbing and heartbreaking. Her grit and determination to come back from all that had me cheering for her tenfold! Loved her boss that gave her a shot and defended her as well as the pairing of her with the young man who had been wrongfully imprisoned- and couldn’t have been happier that it had an Oprah and Gail tie in! It kind of reminded me of a Demon Cooperhead story from the female perspective, a real life version instead of fiction but much more concise! I loved it and have recommended to so many people. I was shocked that you only rated it a 3!
Candy says
Agreed I loved it, would have never read it, so glad I did!
Deb says
I almost stopped reading out of frustration with Lara and the legal system. I’m glad I kept on reading though! I now have a better understanding of addiction and darn if we don’t need to elect people who support prison reform. Thank you Shay for broadening my knowledge
Michelle says
I read this book so quickly! Once I started I couldn’t put it down. I didn’t find it hard to read, but I had to remind myself it was real and not fiction. It was so eye opening regarding incarceration and addiction, and it does tell me that something needs to change with the current system in order for more people to be rehabilitated. I am so glad to see she made it through to the other side, and love that her boss had grace. That’s all it takes sometimes to get through. And I really love that her children are working with her now, and that they were able to forgive everything that she went through and put them through.
AJ Robinson says
I didn’t love it… I found a lot of it uninteresting. I do appreciate the light she shone on the legal and prison system.
Lori Boyett says
As the mother of an addict I can tell you that every thing she said about our legal system is true. They do want or care if these people get clean because they MAKE MONEY OFF OF THEM! My son has done 3 different stents in prison and if he hadn’t had us to help him get back on his feet each time he’d probably be living in a ditch now or most likely dead. Everything from getting a drivers license reinstated to paying legal fees, somewhere to sleep, it’s all nearly impossible without help. Just the amount of money they charge for the commissary and phone calls is staggering, but the worst is that they know the drugs are coming in and do nothing to stop it. I know addiction is hard and some of the things she said about the desire for the drug being more powerful than anything gave me a little more perspective but ultimately, my son chose to do drugs the first time and he chose to go back to it each time he’s relapsed. We’ve been fighting this almost 15 years now and there are no easy answers, the only way to get truly clean is God. To me the best character in the book was her boss who showed her an amazing amount of grace.
I agree with 3 stars. It was ok but I’m just a little sick of the drug world so I don’t enjoy reading about it.
Candice says
I am so gosh darn proud of her for pulling through like a champ for her babies. I am glad she got her life together. And I’m so thankful for her boss who could have fired her but gave her a chance. I give this book a 4, for her bravery.
I’m usually not a memoir girl. But, this one made me want to read more.
I also too picked darling girls for my book of the month. So I’m glad I already have it.
Stephanie J says
I thought it was so fascinating, heartbreaking, and hopeful. I have a criminology degree, so I do love stuff like this. I convinced my two brothers, who are both county prosecutors, to read it because I would love to have their perspective as people who are part of the legal system. The grace her boss showed her was so inspiring; not many felons get an experience like she did. And I have to add that whether you liked the book or not, can we agree that she is a fantastic writer? It made me want to read the book she wrote as a ghost writer.
Erin Rivers says
I really and truly loved this book. It was heavy, yes, and it definitely made me sad. It was also so good and so so eye opening. I loved the way she wrote and told her story. I was in it with her from beginning to end. I don’t think I would have ever picked this book up on my own so I’m very thankful you chose this one for us.
Lucy says
I would have never picked this book. I prefer lighter, happier reading. However. I am so glad I read it. I was hooked from the first chapter. The insight into how jail life is was interesting to me. I was so nervous when she told about the crimes she committed and so worried about the kids for most of the book. Sometimes I was furious at Lara and DJ but in the end I was rooting for them. I was disappointed in how the legal system makes it almost impossible to succeed but I am relieved they both somehow beat the odds. I pray they continue to do so and that somehow their story will help someone else overcome.
Kim M Letteer says
I so appreciate Lara sharing her story. As a social worker for over 25 years I have seen many case similar to hers and often hear people say.. the systems can’t really be that bad. Kuddos to her for speaking up and sharing her story. I hope her first hand account will ultimatley lead to others to challenge the systems do that continuously hold people back. Also, super proud of her for overcoming her addictions. It’s not easy, it’s a disease that is a lifetime battle.
Becky says
I did not read the book but went througha nightmare a year ago with my Aunt’s 50 something daughter. Who has been mostly alcohol and pain med addiction. We spent a week trying to get her Baker Acted, put in rehab, all to fail because she faked a heart attack and went to ER and begged my Aunt to come get her. I was trying to be liason because my dear Aunt had asked for my help. I had worked to build up her strength to say no to her own daughter, with Mom guilt feelings, only to end up leaving not in a good place with my Aunt. She wound up taking her back in and to this day will not talk to me, go figure?? But I love my Aunt dearly and all I can do is pray for her and her daughter. I have struggled over the loss of our relationship but know it’s for the best until they both can get some professional help.
BTW, the system is horrible for addicted people. They allow them to leave rehab on their own, they can’t keep them there. They know every trick in the book to get around it and could care less about the people who love them. A person should not need a court order to commit them and once they squat in your house, paying nothing, you cannot get rid of them without going through a nightmare court battle. It’s horrible. But if it was my son, I would be in the same position of not being able to turn him away.
Lisa says
I am so glad I listened to this book on audible. The author narrated it herself so I loved listening to her tell her story. It is sad the challenges people face when trying to change their lives. This book is such a reminder to show grace to people. I loved it and could not stop listening.
Jennifer says
I actually loved this book. I’m really happy it was the book of the month because I don’t think I would’ve chosen it on my own.
I think the author was genuine in sharing her struggles and I definitely cheered at the end of the book. I’ve worked with and ministered to incarcerated women and women in recovery. There’s a very high percentage of women who stay in the cycle of addiction. On the other hand, there are those like Lara Love Hardin, who want to change their path.
The picture she effectively portrayed is a true description of the justice system. The claims are that they want to keep the recidivism rate low, but the odds are staked against anyone who wants to change, even before that person gets out of jail or prison.
I believe this story is an eye opener. It helps people who’ve never experienced addiction (themselves or with family members) understand the challenges of anyone actually wanting to change after incarceration and/or addiction. I’m also happy that this memoir provides proof that anyone can overcome these challenges
Dawn says
I would have never picked this book but so glad that I have read it. I was frustrated, sad, angry through the book. But, I’m glad she got her act together and pulled through.
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