Four months ago today, we got our Ashby.
This last month has been a really big one for our sweet girl! I feel like Ashby has made the most strides over the last 30 days. Her communication is improving, her sense of security is improving, her physical development is improving, her confidence is improving…we can really see her coming into her own.
The thing I’ve thought about the most over the last month is that Ashby doesn’t know that this is forever…and that just kills me. Ashby has never had forever. She’s never had the security of forever, and due to the fact that she’s two and we still have a slight language barrier, she doesn’t know it now.
One of these days, she’ll understand that this…this family that loves her so much…is forever. I want so badly for her to understand that. I want her to know that we’re not leaving or sending her away, that this life she has with us is forever. I’ve learned over the last four months how much we take forever for granted.
My older two kiddos came into this world assuming what they had was forever…never once doubting that security. But kids born into the world and raised in orphanages and foster homes like Ashby don’t know forever. She lived in an orphanage for two years and probably thought that was forever…and then she moved into a foster home for six months and probably thought that was forever, and then she was placed with these random people who spoke a new language, put on a plane and ended up in their house…and I hope she knows that this is forever.
We just love this little girl so much.
We had some big milestones this last month, so here we go…this is what’s been happening during month four…
Language: I think Ashby has improved the most over this last month with her language! Right now, she’s stringing 3, 4, sometimes 5 words together to make short sentences. Her new favorite thing is to claim things “my”…like when Andrew comes home, she starts shouting “my daddy, my daddy”. And it’s never Bowen…it’s “my Bo, my Bo!”. She gets excited and claims her people :). She’s also doing a good job of seeing something and then relating it to something else (like we’ll read a book about a dog and then she’ll start talking about our dog Poppy). Ashby can count to 10 and she’s trying to say her ABCs (she has the tune to the song down, but we’re working on the letters). And if you want to hear the sweetest rendition of Jesus Loves Me, then you should come to my house and have Ashby sing it to you. Overall, her communication and language still has a very long way to go, but it’s improving more and more each and every day.
Physical Development: We’ve noticed two things this month regarding her physical development. First, thanks to you sweet people, we have gotten control over her bloody noses. She was waking up every single morning with a massive bloody nose (and washing her sheets and pjs every single day was about to send me over the edge), but thanks to your advice, we really have it under control. Since putting in a humidifier, she’s only had one bloody nose (last Friday). My favorite part is that when Smith and I went into her room to get her and saw the bloody nose, Smith said, “I thought she wasn’t supposed to have bloody noses anymore now that we put a hypnotizer in her room”. How funny is that?! (Humidifier Smith, not hypnotizer…)
The second thing we’ve noticed is that due to the fact that she has a Vascular Malformation (which in her case is causing her right side to have more blood and therefore be larger), she falls a lot on that side. When she runs, she can’t use her right side very much and it weighs more, so it makes her fall down. We’ve had a couple of nasty spills outside which have left many boo-boos, so that’s something we’re going to continue to work on.
Sleeping: Woohoo! Ashby is sleeping in her own bed!! Two nights before Andrew left for his mission trip, I suggested that we try letting Ashby sleep in her bed again (assuming I would sleep with her). I was thinking it was good timing because he would be gone for 9 days, so I could sleep with her and (hopefully) by the time he came home, she would be sleeping okay. Well…I.was.wrong. We hadn’t asked her if she wanted to sleep in her bed since that one night back in month two, so we asked her and she got so excited! She was totally ready! She didn’t want us sleeping with her…she had her blankets, her Care Bear, her sound machine, said her prayers, we all lined up for kisses and she said night-night and went straight to sleep. The next morning, she was super, super proud and told everyone that she now sleeps “up” (meaning upstairs). She was ready. She’s been sleeping and napping in her room every day. I’m so proud of her :).
Food: Yup, still good on the food. She’s not a breakfast person and prefers to eat brunch instead…so, since we’re home most days, she typically eats around 10:00 and then has a hearty snack around 2:30 before dinner at 5:30. I always offer breakfast at 7:00 with the big kids but she almost always refuses. She has milk but doesn’t want to eat.
Attachment: She seems to be doing just fine in this department. She is still most attached to me, but she’s less worried when she sees me leave now. Last week, I had to run out one night for a second to grab something and she walked me to the backdoor and kissed me goodbye before running back to Andrew…that’s a huge improvement. Last month, she would have sobbed her eyes out while watching me leave.
Potty Training: We’re doing good…our biggest problem is that she still doesn’t always understand “hold it”. She’ll tell us in the car sometimes that she has to go and we’ll say “hold it” until we can quickly get her somewhere…and sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn’t. It’s a work in progress :).
This next month is big because Ashby has her MRI and we’ll really understand more about her specific Vascular Malformation…and then, we’ll get a game plan moving forward. The longer we have Ashby, the more we realize how much this malformation affects her life…and the more we want to take care of her. This is going to be a lifestyle for Ashby, something she’ll have to manage forever, so we want to make sure we can provide the best treatments, medications and therapies we can.
I am so blessed that God is allowing me to raise this precious girl. She is so sweet, so full of life, so loving, and so perfect for the Shulls. Our days might not always be easy, but they’re so full of love.
We’re having BIG fun in May…
Mother’s Day
Ashby’s baby dedication at church
Kensington’s Field Day at school
Smith has baseball games multiple times a week
Smith’s Pre-K graduation
Lots of swimming and patio living
…and it’s all just so much sweeter as a family of five.
And don’t forget, today is Meal Planning Monday! I have your first week in May covered with simple suppers your whole family will love!
One last thing…
…the winner of our $250 Nordstrom Gift Card Giveaway is…
Cami Vire Vieke!
Congratulations Cami!! You and your favorite mama will each receive one $250 Nordstrom gift card! Check your email for an email from me :).
xoxo
Narci says
Precious ashby!! You are so loved!! ❤️ So happy that she is doing so well. She was always meant to be a Shull!
Sarah Kuykendall says
I always love heating your Ashby updates and I'm so glad to hear she is doing so well!
Erika Slaughter says
Ashby Girl is doing great!!! So proud of that girl and you!!
Anonymous says
I love how she claims people! That's sooo cute! I also love hearing about your life – thank you 🙂
thebusybrunette says
You made me cry when you talked about how this is Ashby's "forever." She is so lucky to have such a loving, forever family, and you guys are so lucky to have a forever daughter/sister. I can't believe it's only been four months post-adoption… it seems like she's been with you all so much longer. I'm also so glad to hear that she's really been making strides and that the transition is getting easier. This is truly a blessing from God!
"The Busy Brunette"
http://thebusybrunette.blogspot.com/
Anonymous says
You are doing such a wonderful job with Ashby. She's so lucky and you should be so proud. Your family is beautiful:)
Melissa Goerlitz says
I loved reading the update on your Ashby, so sweet! I'm sure you've already considered this or it's been suggested to you, but just in case:), perhaps physical therapy at some point may help with her balance difficulties…
Tara G. says
So many blessings!
Sheaffer {Pinterest Told Me To} says
Seeing Ashby blossom right before my eyes has been so sweet. And not only has she done well during these first 4 months, so have y'all! I knew you and Andrew would be rock stars, but I've been so completely amazed at how wonderful K and S have been. Not that I wasn't expecting them to be great, but they have been ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. So proud of Ashby and your entire family! And by the way, I'm with Smith. I bet a hynotizer would totally do the trick.
Sarah Shaneyfelt says
I love reading these posts! Adoption is such a beautiful thing and I pray that Ashby knows that you are her forever home like heaven will be our forever home with our Father.
Angela Ellingson says
She is so sweet and fits right in. Praying for answers and even miracles for her vascular malformation.
Cheryl says
You are an amazing lady Shay Shull!
Jersey Love says
Ashby looks wonderful! I just love the update!! She has the sweetest little smile… You're a great mama!!
Kathy Olson says
I love hearing the updates on Ashby. You are doing a wonderful job!
Donella Dulworth says
I love reading about your family, and hope someday I can meet you and the kids. Ashby seems to be adjusting well.
Nicole Miller says
Ashby is just the cutest and most perfect addition to your family! Love seeing how happy she is and makes all of you! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Amy Lynn says
What a happy post! You five are all so blessed. It's awesome to read how great Ashby is doing and the love in your home just shines. The forever stuff is so true and got me emotional bc I've never thought if it that way, but you are so right! I wonder when that will sink in with her. it must just fill you with instant joy as you see her bond with you and acclimate. Thanks for the update…please keep writing more about Ashby and her journey. It is awesome to read!
Goodbyebreadandcheese says
I really enjoy readings these updates on your little girl. I'm a clinical social worker and have done a lot of attachment work over the years. It's nice to follow a story from the very beginning and to see this progress. Now the trick is for her to develop a secure attachment so even when she is able to understand you when you say you're forever, she believes it. You have clearly done your homework and she is lucky to have you and clearly you are lucky to have her! Best wishes!
Rebecca says
So sweet!
kkarr says
Ashby is adorable!! We have the Potty Potette, which is a travel potty with disposable liners, that we keep in the car just in case we can't get somewhere fast enough for our daughter. It's compact and unfolds easily and has saved me a couple cleanups, so it has been worth its slight ridiculousness. 🙂
I Like Ike says
The posts are my favorite. God is so good.
Aubrey says
Four cheers for four months! That sweet girl was definitely meant to be a Shull. Your words about forever brought on some big tears. I've been thinking about permanence a lot lately too. Even though my three ladies have experienced big changes in their lives lately, our family is their solid, reassuring constant. While she might feel some doubt now, I bet in one or two years' time she won't even remember not being your child. Hugs!
Laci Murray says
Ashby just radiates JOY!!! What a blessing your family is to that sweet little girl that now has a "forever".
Anonymous says
The first thing I did this morning was check your blog. I look forward to reading it every month on the fourth!! Ashby is a lucky little girl but the lucky ones are you family as well. I hope my journey goes as well as yours!! ???
Natalie Zambreski says
I LOVE these sweet Ashby updates! Her smile is killer! 🙂
Grace says
looks like you might be related to Erika & Tab as well as Andrea & Dave eventually!! ?? so glad to hear how ashby is improving!
Rebecca Jo says
I cant believe time is flying so fast since she became a member of the family! Am loving seeing her progress.
AmyRay says
So wonderful! All of it! But! How are Ashby's swimming lessons going?
Laura says
Oh, how I cried when you talked about how Ashby doesn't yet understand that "this is forever." Families are forever. Like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. God does that! And what an even greater joy to know that forever goes even farther into eternity once our children accept Christ as their Savior. We just recently got to experience "eternity," and all my prayers were answered! Thank you so much for sharing Ashby's journey with us!
Marty says
Your Ashby updates are some of my most favorite posts, because they testify to so many things…like, how God will put a thought or idea on someone's heart, and grow it through prayer; And, how, when we seek God's will, He will give discernment…and He will confirm it; And, the importance of perseverance…how just because you are doing what God calls you to do, doesn't mean it's gonna be easy; And the power of prayer…God uses it to strengthen us, and when we invite our "community" to pray along with us, it not only BRINGS us together with one mind…it BINDS us all together…and then we all feel like we share a little bit in how God works, because it makes us all like one big family; And, the value of every life. Every life is precious. My life has been blessed beyond measure by those who see beyond the "challenges" a child (or adult) may have. So many of us have prayed for your family.Thank you so much for keeping us up-to-date on Ashby's progress.She is just so precious! 🙂
Kelly @ The OK Momma says
Precious girl! She just seems like pure joy!
Question about those Native shoes – how old were your kids when you started them in them? I'm debating on whether or not to get them for my 16 month old – or if I can hold off for another year! They look like the perfect summer shoe!
Anonymous says
Please share a clip of Ashby singing Jesus Loves Me!!! I bet she is precious!!!
Stefenie Garcia says
Love to read about your family! Ashby is such a cutie as well and your other babies! God has truly blessed your family! ?
Darcy Vial says
What a doll! Fun update – and congratulations to the gift card winner!
Deena says
I just love reading about your journey with Ashby's adoption. Nice that you're not sugar coating it and letting is know some of the harder parts along with the good.
She makes me smile every time I see another pic. She just just looks so happy. I especially love the pics with Smith. It will be hard for her when he goes off to school. Looking forward to the next installment. 🙂
Kelsey Mann Peacock says
Sweet Ashby just keeps looking happier! It's so wonderful how safe & secure you all want her to feel in your family. Sweet, sweet family!
Kelsey
http://www.thepeacockroost.com
The Wheelchair Mommy says
Wow. That forever thing is punch in the gut. I know these kids bounce around so much but it never occurred to me that they would struggle so much with accepting forever when it finally came! ((HUGS))
Corner of Sass and Snark says
Love your Ashby updates. What a lucky girl she is to have the Shull family as her family. God bless.
Lindsay at Lindsay'sSweetWorld says
I enjoy reading your updates, and I'm so glad to see that Ashby is adapting well. What you guys are doing for her is an amazing, amazing thing, and I'm sure that all of the love she will give to you in return will be even more amazing. This world needs more people like y'all. <3
gracemountaindiaries says
Love this! Ashby is such an amazing little girl! Thank you for sharing all of this with us and reminding us what forever means and just how important it is! And how amazing is it that through Ashby you and your family have a new appreciation for forever! Ah, grace! ?
Mattie @ Northwest Native says
I love these posts! She is just so dang cute!
E says
I so know what you mean about praying that our kiddos understand the idea of "forever". Our daughter's situation was very similar to Ashby's–orphanage, foster home, and then forever home (at 2.5). I think she's finally beginning to understand that we are forever (she's been home now a year and 3 months and is 3.5), but it is also so hard b/c they don't have a good sense of time either. Each day that goes by helps solidify it more and more in their minds. Praise the Lord!
Christina says
Can you please share where you get your kids outfits? Like – I love the plaid shorts Smith is wearing with the orange tshirt! Where did you find those? Your kids are so sweet! May God Bless them always!
Anonymous says
I don't think you have ever posted a picture of this child without a beautiful smile on her face. Forever will come to her just like sleeping in her own bed came to her. Just keep showing her the love you all have for it and she will get it. You might also try a little vaseline or A&D ointment in her nose at night. One of my sons had the same problem but once we lubricated his nose, they stopped. He is now 37 and married so he is his wife's problem now.
Beautifully Seaside // Formerly Chic Coastal Living says
Ashby is the sweetest little girl and how blessed she is to have you as a mommy. XO
Erika says
Love love love these post-adoption posts! Seeing how big Ashby's smile is now compared to 4 months ago is heartwarming. She's a fun loving little girl and I can't wait to see how she grows 🙂
Jeanie says
These updates just fill my heart. Ashby couldn't have asked for a more perfect family for herself.
AmyJo says
I haven't had time to catch up on blogs lately but I always check in every now and then to catch these sweet updates! I love how well Ashby is doing and how sweet brother and sister are. You can see how proud everyone is in each picture. Love. Love. Love.
sarah mcclanahan says
I will always be able to remember how long y'all have had Ashby bc I emailed you in January talking about possibly adopting for my husband & I. Not to long after I emailed you I found out I was pregnant 🙂 I'm 4 months along 🙂 adoption is still in my mind for our future. I just love Ashby's updates!
Happy Hazel says
Such an adorable little angel! She shines so bright when she smiles and she's always smiling! <3 Thank you sharing beautiful moments. <3
Anonymous says
"Hardy snack", lol! The word is hearty 😉
Mix and Match Mama says
And this is why I shouldn't be watching Gilmore Girls while I blog ;). Correcting that now! Thank you!
Tracy says
Love everything about this post — especially that she's taking ownership of her friends & family. My daddy, my Bo — LOVE!
Erica M says
Re the nosebleeds, I have the same problem. Ashby probably has a vein really close to the skin in her nose that cracks easily in the same spot. I've had mine cauterized once (not a pleasant experience!) but it really helped for years. I'm to the point where I need to have it done again, but don't want to 😉
Megan says
So darn sweet!! I love that smile!
Anonymous says
Love Gilmore Girls : ) Love your blogs about Ashby. Such a sweet girl.
Jaren says
Such sweet sweet progress! She is just such a bright little light!
The Yarbrough's says
Hard to believe it's already been 4 months!! Wow. I remember when she didn't really smile. Now she's all smiles. So happy for your family.