Happy Wellness Wednesday!
Today, I not only have our weekly WELLNESS WEDNESDAY, but I am also sharing our little GUEST ROOM REFRESH too!
Two posts, one Hump Day 🙂 .
I decided to write today’s post based on the feedback I received after…
…the MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS post from two weeks ago. There were many comments, DMs, and emails based on that post but from the perspective of “how do I even make friends?”. I thought that was a great question and hopefully, as a group, we can share some ideas and encourage some new friendships.
Just so we’re clear, I’ve had many, many seasons where finding friendships has been really hard for me. If you looked back at my prayer journals, you would see “make friends” as a genuine prayer of mine. Sometimes, we can do everything “right” and still just not find our friends. I don’t want anyone to think “Well, geez, I’m doing all of these things and still don’t have friends. It must be me.”. I want to be your online friend that says sometimes you can do all the right things and still go through a season of loneliness. Please here me first and foremost say that.
Some very specific seasons where I felt lonely/like I needed to make friends were right after we got married and moved to Detroit. I had a brand new husband that I barely knew and zero friends. I came home from Detroit and moved to McKinney, TX were I knew exactly zero people. And then just a few years ago, I blogged here that one of my New Year’s resolutions was to make friends in my neighborhood because I was living by so many people and had zero relationships with any of them. I wasn’t going through a lonely season at the time (I had other friends in other areas), but I was going through a friendless season in my neighborhood.
So, what do I personally do when I want to make friends? I’m going to share a few of my ideas and then I hope you share yours too. I would love to encourage and support each other on how to make new friends.
In no particular order, here are SOME WAYS I MAKE NEW FRIENDS:
#1: CHURCH
I have always looked to church first for friends. I just personally can’t think of a better friendship foundation than similar values/relationship with the Lord. The thing is though, in my personal opinion, you can’t just go to church, sit there, not talk, and walk out if you’re trying to meet friends. You need to go, join a small group or a Bible study, volunteer, attend classes…you know, do things where you have the opportunity to actually get to know people and they get to know you. Andrew and I have attended four different churches in our 21 years of marriage, and I don’t have lifelong friends out of all four of them, but I did/do have “community” with people at all four which helped “fill my cup”. About 18 years ago, I did make lifelong friends via church, but it wasn’t necessarily the church, it was that we did life outside of church together. We met and fell in love with each other as besties because we took our friendship outside of the actual building. I am a big fan of finding community through church.
#2: BEING BOLD
I think you have to be bold to make friends. If I sat around and waited for everyone to ask me to do something, I would sit around a lot by myself. A lot of my friendships came from me being bold and putting myself out there and saying “Do you want to have coffee?”. Have I had some awkward coffees with lovely people that just didn’t turn out to be “my people”? Yes! Do I have some awesome friendships now because I was bold and asked? YES! I have a wonderful group of neighborhood friends now that I adore and who regularly do things together, but guess what? It started with me sending a group text to a bunch of neighbors about meeting for lunch which lead to more lunches and neighborhood socials and more friendships. I know it can be awkward but being bold is a great way to make new friends.
#3: LOOKING AROUND AT WHERE I’M SPENDING MY TIME
Sometimes you just have to stop and look around at where you are and make friends out of the situation. A great example of this is your kids’ teams/extracurricular events. If you’re spending every weekend with the same group of people, you might want to try and become friends with them. Andrew and I have made some amazing friends simply because we were all watching our boys play baseball together and then one thing lead to another and we’re having dinner together and then we’re sending each other Christmas cards and before you know it, real relationships came out of little league. Sometimes, these friendships have lasted me the sports season (which is totally fine!), but other times, it’s lasted many years beyond the field.
#4: WORKING OUT
I have always found a friendly little community around working out. When I had babies/toddlers, I took them to a Stroller Strides class four days a week so that I could be outside with my kiddos and get in a little workout too. Bonus was that I met some amazing women who I’m still friends with today. When my babies got bigger, I joined a gym with a great kids program where they played, and I took classes. Guess what? I made a little friend group in those classes too and even if we didn’t all hang out outside of class, we still enjoyed each other’s company several times a week in class. Now, I attend a hot yoga class weekly where I look forward to the conversation and interaction with the same little group of people. There are cycling groups, running groups…all sorts of “groups”. Another way I connect with friends (especially neighbors), I invite them to go for a walk with me. It’s free, we’re outside, we’re close to home, and we get to chat while we get some steps in. It’s an easy way to connect. Speaking of that…
#5: OUTSIDE
I met all of my neighbors on Nantucket not by ringing their doorbell but by being outside a lot and saying hello and stopping to chat. Andrew and I find that people are way more personable outdoors than indoors. We have met so many people at The Yard in McKinney or Cisco Brewery on Nantucket (both casual, outside places). I don’t know? I have just found that being in the yard or at the dog park or on the beach or dining on the patio creates a laid-back, casual atmosphere where it’s easier to chat and connect with new people.
#6: HOBBIES
If you’re really looking to connect with others, pursue a hobby. Take up tennis or knitting, gardening, bridge…whatever, just something that unites you with other people.
#7: COMMUNITY EVENTS
I am a big fan of a community event. Give me a parade, a festival, a farmer’s market…anything “community” makes my heart happy. There are a lot of weekends when I walk my dogs through this “old car show” event near my house. I have zero interest in old cars, but I like walking through it because of the jovial atmosphere. Sign me up for anything fun happening in my community.
So, these are just a few of my ideas for ways to get out there and make new friends. I am positive the comment section is going to be full of thoughts, tips and tricks for meeting new people especially from the women here who move around a lot (I know there are several military wives out there!).
Please comment and share and encourage others today. 🙂
Okay, don’t forget, today, I also have GUEST ROOM REFRESH too! Plus, it’s the last day to grab…
…SHAY’S SKIN ESSENTIALS BUNDLE! You can use code SHAY20 for 20% off sitewide too (excluding pre-discounted bundles).
I hope you all have the BEST Wednesday! I’ll see you back here tomorrow. xx
Elspeth Mizner says
So many great suggestions! You are right, it’s all about putting yourself out there. Happy Wednesday!
http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
Kelly says
At the age of 50, my closest friends are those that I met when I volunteered at my kiddos’ school activities. Now that we’re all empty-nesters, we love having extra time to spend with each other.
Alysa says
I love all of your ideas! I would also add work to the list, I’ve made some of my best friends in adulthood at work,
Mix and Match Mama says
Yes! I should have included that too. Excellent addition!
Rebecca Jo says
As an adult, it really is the hardest thing to do…. as woman we’re taking care of everyone else, its hard to find time to devote to taking care of yourself & finding a friend is the best thing you can do for yourself
Kari Miller says
Being BOLD is scary. I tell myself if someone rejects me when I step out in boldness to befriend them, they weren’t meant to be my friend anyway. I’ve made some of my very best friends by just introducing myself. Start small!
https://karimillerblog.com/wednesday-wellness-mini-mood-boosters/
Laci says
Yes to all of this! I always try to smile and be warm to new people I am meeting. Cost nothing to be kind!
Mary says
Exactly! Smile and put down your phone! You’ll be much more approachable!
Beth Valenta says
Definately work…my teacher peeps are some of my longest lasting friendhips, even when we have moved schools. My closest friends lived in my old neighborhood, and we all moved but have maintained our friendships, as well as our kids. All now in each other’s weddings! I think the best way I have kept my friends, is to be ok to pick and choose what I really want to do. Sometimes they all want to do something I don’t feel like doing, and I have learned that saying no at times can help friends to get each other and be flexible.
Carole says
I’m confused by this sentence – I had a brand new husband that I barely knew and zero friends. How long did you and Andrew date before getting married?
Mix and Match Mama says
We knew each other about 18 months before we got married but never lived in the same state until after our honeymoon…and then we moved to Detroit together. It was marriage boot camp 😉 .
Leasa Zeppa says
Another great way to meet friends is volunteering in your community. Choose a non profit that you love and want to invest time in. Usually you meet people who have a heart for that non profit too! Then you immediately have something in common to talk about and can build on that. Takes some of the awkwardness away since you immediately have one thing in common. Especially for women who are retired and empty nesters!
Shirley says
You never know when & where you’ll meet your new best friend. I also want to add that age doesn’t matter when it comes to friends. In my twenties, two of my best friends from work were my mom’s age/a bit older than that. I’m in my fifties now & my best friend is 12 years older. We have so much in common that the age difference doesn’t matter at all. Don’t discount finding a friend younger or older than you are!
Also, Shay – a very fascinating book recommendation for you is The Other Wes Moore by Wes Moore. It would be an excellent book club read, as it doesn’t leave your mind, like EVER, even after you’ve been finished with it for over a year (like me). It’s so thought-provoking & written wonderfully. After I gave it to my youngest son (27 years old) to read, he started volunteering with Boston Recovery Foundation, an organization that helps homeless people & encourages drug addicts to get into recovery programs. This book just makes you stop & THINK!!!
Mix and Match Mama says
Thank you so much for the rec! I just added it to my list!
Jeanette says
Fantastic suggestions!
Kara says
I love this so much, Shay. After reading your blog for years, I so badly wanted a friend group and network of women surrounding me. I prayed for this, and God answered in a BIG way. I now have 4 best friends that although I have not known them long (a few years now), they literally bring me so much JOY! I met them at church, and they are each fellow sports momma’s as well. They have lifted me up during some of my hardest times to date and we have made so many fun memories together! My heart is so full! Thank you for always sharing your life with us! <3
Mix and Match Mama says
This comment has made my heart so full! Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
Cris says
As an extreme introvert, that feeling of being at a relatively large church with no one to talk to is so uncomfortable that my instinct is to get out fast after the service is over! An experiment that I’ve tried a few times is to “busy” myself with something (finish writing my sermon notes, zipping up my pen and notebook in my Bible case, or even just shuffling through my purse) to slow myself down so that I’m not walking out with that first rush of people who are in a hurry. Sometimes this allows just enough time for an extrovert to find me😉 and start talking to me! Maybe even just taking the time to run to the restroom after the service would slow me down and put me deeper into the building to combat that “I’ve got to get out of here” feeling!
Diane Moore says
Excellent ideas. I think you are very open to letting people be who they are and enjoying their company without over analyzing.
Clearly I’m not since I think I just analyzed you 🤣🤪
Brooke says
As a way to be bold I would suggest talking about an event coming up and if they seem interested too say “would you want to go with us” or “we could meet up there”.
When my kids were younger making friends with parents of my kids friends or classmates was a great option. That way when you get together your kids have something to do as well. You could suggest a playdate while the parents sit and chat.
I know having ideas of what to suggest would help me.
Lynn T says
I love all of your suggestions. It is hard at this time in my life to find new friends, when a lot of my friends came from my kids’ activities and now with no kids at home, it is harder. Work is an easy one, I relate to the other teacher above that said those ladies are some of her best friends. I like the church idea too..I just wish I had more time to get involved in activities there that I can meet others. I’m going to work harder in my neighborhood..thats an easy one too. Ask about a walk or some time on the porch. Thanks for the suggestions!
Cher says
A great way to meet people in your area is to register on meetup.com. The site will ask you to check your various interests. The site will then connect you to groups you may be interested in that are located in your area. There are groups for those interested in socializing (lunches, dinners, movies), art, theatre, travel, cycling (and other outdoor activities), science fiction, computers, etc. There are groups that are for women, men, or both women and men, singles, widows, etc. The basic membership is free. Some groups may charge a minimal annual fee (typically $5 or $10 a year) to cover the cost of the organizer’s fee. If you are willing to start your own group, you can start one on the site. I highly recommend joining meetup.com.
Jess W says
When we moved into our neighborhood in 2017, there was a Bunco group that met monthly, so I joined them. Like you mentioned, I enjoyed all the ladies in the group, however not all of them were “my people”. But I did find a few that are my best friends today. And our husbands are best friends and we even started traveling together. The friendships were gradual and took time and effort on all sides, but it was so worth it!
Stacey says
Yes yes yes! These are excellent suggestions. A few years ago I moved to the country and really wanted friends nearby that meshed with my lifestyle. I would walk with my baby daughter outside all the time and one day met another mom who invited us over whenever. I was usually too shy to just go knock on her door and finally did and made a wonderful friend, who introduced me to more friends! Now I have women in my life that share my values, have kids the same age, are Christian too and live nearby. We walk to the tiny local library with the kids, go to the playground, hikes, family picnic, swim lessons, all the things! Feeling so blessed!
Becky Carl says
I was a preacher’s kid so never without friends at church and school. Then I adulted and worked at Delta where I made lifelong friends. I am now 69 and must say all of those work friends, although scattered, really are lifelong. Also, we have been rving a lot in past 15 yrs and made numerous friends, mostly in other states, but some of us still keep up. Now they are pretty much the friends I have since we’ve not had a church home for a while. We have traveled so much seeing scattered kids and grandkids, that it’s been hard to commit to Bible study groups which i love. We are now in search to try to plant but hard to find. At first, I was determined I needed to be close to our children but 1 is Ohio and 2 are VA and the 4th has 2 more yrs in AF and no telling where he will end up. I have prayed and know God will show us the path, but have had a revelation in past few days. My husband and I have built our lives around kids, grandkids. So we decided this needs to be our time to pay attention to us. So when we find our place, we will make even more friends and hopefully an awesome church. So your #1 is my number 1. Love you Shay!
Mix and Match Mama says
Wow, there is so much wisdom in this one comment. Thank you so much for sharing this, Becky. I am wishing you so much love as you step into this next chapter of “your time”. I am really so encouraged by your perspective on this season. xx