Hey, hey Wednesday!
It’s time for this month’s LET’S LOOK!
If you don’t know what LET’S LOOK is, once a month, Erika and I do a little link up where we “look” at different aspects of our lives (and then if you blog, you share and link up too!). We have been doing this little linky party for years now, and it’s always one of my favorite posts each month because most of the topics are YOUR suggestions!
Alrighty, just as a reminder, here’s what we “looked at” in 2026 (all your suggestions!)…
In January, we looked at THINGS WE OUTSOURCE WITHOUT REGRET.
In February, we looked at WAYS WE’VE TURNED INTO OUR PARENTS.
In March, we looked at FAVORITE FAMILY VACATIONS.
In April, we looked at the HARDEST THINGS WE’VE EVER DONE.
This month’s topic pairs perfectly with something I shared a few weeks ago. We already chatted about FINDING COMMUNITY, and now we are looking at MAKING COUPLE FRIENDS.
This topic makes me think of that old King of Queens episode when Doug and Carrie are desperately trying to make new couple friends. Anyone else know what I’m talking about? It’s a really funny AND very relatable.
Here’s the deal, Andrew and I LOVE our couple friends! I hope I’m able to share a few ways/ideas for adding more in to your life as well (and then I really hope you share your ideas with everyone too!).
Obviously it’s not a requirement to have “couple friends” and certainly it’s great to be friends with a variety (per my COMMUNITY post!), but since you asked specifically for us to discuss this, it tells me some of you desire these relationships but haven’t quite found them yet.
As you know, we met Tab and Erika in Sunday school one random day back in 2006ish, and they pretty instantly became our favorite people. Andrew and I each found a bestie that just happened to be married to each other’s bestie. I feel extremely blessed because that’s the ULTIMATE couple friend situation. In honor of this almost 20 year couple friendship, I’ve sprinkled pics throughout this post 🙂 .
Here are a few thoughts I have on MAKING COUPLE FRIENDS…
GROW WHERE YOU’RE PLANTED
In my opinion, it just makes the most sense to start right where you’re “planted”. In our 22 years of marriage, Andrew and I have made couple friends in a variety of (obvious!) places like our neighborhood, our kids’ schools, our kids’ sporting events, and church. We have always found that it’s easier to find friends when you’re all already spending time together AND you’re united by a common goal.
If you’re going to see these people several times a week at practice and at tournaments over the weekends, you might as well invite them to grab lunch in between games or head to dinner after or simply swap phone numbers so you can carpool and connect, etc.
BE OPEN MINDED
It feels easier/simpler to find my own friends than to have Andrew find friends for me. You know what I mean? Maybe it’s just me, but it’s kind of awkward, right? Well, some of my favorite friendships have been because either Andrew or myself met someone and then encouraged our spouse to meet their spouse. We’ve both had to become a little more open minded about these suggestions.
Did I cringe a bit when Andrew said “I know this guy at the gym. We should go have dinner with him and his wife.” Um, yes. Yes, I did. I don’t know this guy at the gym, why do I want to go hang out with him and his wife? But guess what? That was about 16 years ago, and that couple friendship became such a dear and sweet one to us. We absolutely LOVE this family.
This last June, I went to pick my kids up from art class on Nantucket and the woman who owns the studio stopped me because she thought I just “had to meet” this other couple who was in there picking up their girls too. She had made the connection that we lived in the same neighborhood, so she wanted to introduce us. I said hi and we made a bit of small talk. I went home and told Andrew about them and he seemed very “whatever” about the idea. Fast forward about 20 minutes and Andrew and I went to walk to the mailbox and said husband was also walking to the mailbox area and by the time we collected our mail and walked home, they were best friends. Bahaha! I mean, I’ve never seen a friendship form faster. Like ever. They have absolutely become some of our favorite friends…all because we were all four open minded at the little art studio.
CHANGE YOUR CRITERIA
I don’t know how else to phrase this, but I think it’s okay when you’re making “couple friends” to perhaps change your “normal” friend criteria. This couple doesn’t have to be your bestie for life. They can just be nice people you enjoy spending time with from time to time. Maybe your husband likes this guy from work and you think his wife is “fine” but not someone you want to hang out with 24/7. I think that’s okay. My guess is that over a meal, you’ll probably find more in common than you first thought, but it’s also okay to just have a fine dinner without the expectation that she’s your soulmate. I think our “couple friend” community can run the range of “nice acquaintance” to “please be a pallbearer at my funeral”. We don’t have to necessarily have amazing chemistry with everyone in order to spend a bit of time with them from time to time.
PUT IN THE EFFORT
We have truly found some of our favorite friends in our neighborhood and local community. For years and years, we went to the pool down the street from our neighborhood. We have a pool in our own backyard, but we realized that this pool was where everyone was hanging out. I can’t even count the friends we made at that pool over the 10+ years we visited. We packed bags and towels and sunscreen and all of our squirmy kiddos and made the trek to this pool for the soul purpose of community…and we found it. Anything worth having usually takes effort…and that includes finding other people in your neighborhood and community.
BE FLEXIBLE
The best part about couple friends? You get two for the price of one! The worst part about couple friends? You also get TWO SCHEDULES for the price of one. And that’s okay! They’re going to be flexible with your schedules, routines, lifestyle, commitments, and you should be flexible with theirs too. People don’t typically gravitate towards rigid, inflexible friendships…my advice is to be flexible.
And those are a few of my thoughts on finding couple friends 🙂 .
I certainly hope you share yours too!
Next time on Let’s Look, we are going to look at…
…WHAT I’M MAKING MORE TIME FOR (I love this topic too!).
Don’t forget, if you blogged along with us today, please make sure you link up below.
Have the best, best day, friends!
I’ll see you tomorrow. xx
Elspeth Mizner says
I love this topic! As someone who is getting married and moving soon, this offered great advice! Thank you! http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
Lauren says
Love this topic! It really resonates with conversations my husband and I have had about the topic too.
Have you done a blog post yet about traveling with other families? (This could be friends, but also traveling with relatives — parents, in-laws, siblings’ families, etc.) You likely have this routine down after doing it for so many years, but because my kids are younger, we’re in the earlier stages of becoming closer friends with families in our neighborhood or families at our childrens’ schools. There have been early conversations of taking a vacation together, and while the idea has so many pros, I know it can also be challenging to travel with other families who have different preferences, parenting styles, schedules, etc.
Mix and Match Mama says
I am jotting that topic down right now! Thank YOU, Lauren for the suggestion!
Randi Uhles says
Would love a post on this too!
Bren says
Fun story to share with you Shay, about couple friends, coming from someone who is in the stage of life where all of our kids are now grown adults. I recently was able to travel with the wife of our dear couple friends, her grown daughter and family. To say that multiple times a day I was overwhelmed with all the feelings is an understatement! Realizing how blessed we are to have made it to this stage of life, watching our families grow over the years and now getting to travel with my dear friend, her daughter and her sweet family? THE BEST. The memories we made are just priceless. If you had told 19-year-old me – that going over for supper that first night – would lead to this amazing part of life…it is hard to put into words! 😊 I could not be more thankful! As always, Shay, thank you for sharing!
Mix and Match Mama says
Ohhhhhh, I love this so much. Thank you for sharing, Bren!
Beth Valenta says
Our best couple friends were my friends before I got remarried. We connected over our common love for sports, travel, a good dinner, and of course the women lining it all up for different adventures. It has worked for the past 10 years, and for me 25 years of besties. I think the best advice is there is no pressure. If 3 of us want to do something, that is ok, if just the women go their way and then meet back with the guys later for a beverage…that works. If one couple wakes up on a trip at the crack of dawn and I want a little more sleep, go eat…go get the coffee, I won’t feel left out or hurt to have to do all things together…We will find you later.
Mix and Match Mama says
Great advice, Beth! xx
Allison says
The open-minded part really spoke to me. I would feel very “meh” as well if my husband came home saying we should eat out with his friend from the gym, ha! But you’re right, it’s worth giving it a try!
Paula Hobbs says
My husband and I are about 2 years away from the empty nester season. We recently started playing couples golf and started traveling more. I miss having all our little chicks at home, but I’m also very excited for our one on one time coming up. It’s truly bittersweet.
lee ann vicary says
Pallbearer is nothing I’m betting you all have plots next to each other. You all are each others kids extra parents and that way they can visit all of you together.
Susan P Fitzpatrick says
My husband and I have met couples in a very similar way that you and Andrew have. I absolutely agree with being open minded. My parents always had couple friends that were their age but some of their best friends were generations older than them. In most cases they met because they were next door neighbors. Older friends may have a different outlook on life and have “been there, done that” so they may have great advice to give.
Mix and Match Mama says
YES! I’m so glad you brought this up! Some of our dearest, dearest couple friends who we LOVE hanging out with regularly are 14 years older than us!
Kimberly Gray says
I love this topic! In my experience from being “coupled” with friends what I found is that you could meet someone who is easy to be around but in other circumstances you might not have been drawn to each other. AND more times than not some interesting conversation is shared / things learned because you are different people and the association is still enriching/ rewarding even if you know the person will never be your “drive the getaway car” friend
Jeanie says
So I have a flip side story. My bestie and I (we have been bestie’s for 35 years) would love our husbands to be besties too but they just don’t click at all. We have traveled together, attended church together, gone out together. At this point we have given up.
Kristin S says
I know couple friends are super important and challenging to find but might I also encourage couples to have single friends? I’m 55 and SNM (the worst phrase ever) and am SO GRATEFUL for my married friends where both husband and wife are my friends. It makes me feel like less of a weirdo.
When my friends kids were small, it was always so weird when a friend would say, “hey, my husband is out of town, want to come hang out?” I know it was to have company when a spouse was gone, but it made me feel so weird.
Now most of my peers are becoming grandparents so we are way beyond those early years, but I am beyond grateful for couple friends as a single woman. Especially as a single woman in the church where we are pretty much invisible.
Mix and Match Mama says
Thank YOU for sharing your heart and your perspective on this topic. Thank you, thank you, Kristin. xx
Kim Miller, Realtor says
Thanks for the great pointers on how to make couple friends. As a Realtor, I help
Families that are new to the area and one of their top goals is to meet couple friends to hang out with and get to know for instant community. Can’t wait to pass along these tips.
Brooke B says
Been married four years – I had prayed to the Lord for that we would find a couple with whom both of us could vibe – and the Lord answered. After a 2.5 year friendship, and watching them give birth to two precious babies, they are moving away from our area. We have wept. This post is such a valuable reminder that the Lord will answer again, for us locally, even as we celebrate that we now have lifelong friends with whom we will vacation and “life” together.
Mix and Match Mama says
Oh Brooke, He will, He will! Friendships are so sweet. I completely understand how heartbroken you are right now. xx
Heather says
Just had to say that I love the Lions gear! We’re debating going to the game in Munich this November! (Gotta go support Dan and the team!) Go Lions!
Kim C says
I do know which Doug and Carrie one you are referring too, and yes That episode is hilarious!
Mix and Match Mama says
I love when they’re at Home Depot trying to find friends, bahahahaha!