Shay's Ways: FINDING COMMUNITY

Happy Wednesday, friends.

It’s another WELLNESS WEDNESDAY/SHAY’S WAYS COMBO!

Today’s blog post topic has been on my list for such a long time because YOU LADIES have asked me about it many, many times.

Today, I’m going to share my “ways” to FINDING COMMUNITY 🙂 .

I think “community” can mean a lot of different things.

I think there are communities like this one…online, not in “real life”, but a group that allows you to feel connected to others, share ideas, encouragement, and motivation.

I think there are communities that are in person but less personal (like the people you see regularly at your favorite coffee shop or at the gym).

I think there are communities around hobbies or church or sports or school…you are a “community” because of a shared passion/interest.

I think there are communities around where you physically live (your neighbors).

I think there are communities that are deep and personal and intimate.

And many more in between.

I really love to be in community with others, but it hasn’t always come easily for me.

I keep all of my prayer journals, and I have this one that’s yellow and from when Andrew and I were first-ish married (maybe the first three years), and it’s filled with prayers as I was trying to find a community in McKinney. We moved here and didn’t know anyone. Just the two of us worked in an office together. It was a lot of Andrew and Shay which was great…but I also really wanted to feel a part of a female community in my new town. I wanted neighbors and friends and well, I struggled to find it.

Over the years, as I’ve gotten older and wiser (and prayed a lot!), I’ve realized that the only way for me to find community is to make a big old effort.

Now, I’m not saying that’s the only way (I’m positive there are more!), but it has been the only way that’s worked for me.

For me, finding community has always been a result of my effort…meaning, I didn’t just sit around hoping for it, I had to actively find out.

Here are a few of the ways/places I found community:

1: CHURCH

Because I grew up in church, this is always the first place I go when looking to find community. Church has always been step one for me. When Andrew and I moved to Detroit, we started looking for churches right away. When we moved to McKinney, we visited church that first Sunday. That being said, just because you go to church doesn’t mean you’ll instantly find community. There is certainly a reason people visit multiple churches before landing on the right one. It’s not “one size fits all”. Of course, you need to make sure more than anything that the doctrine being taught there aligns with your faith and values, but you also need to make sure it fosters community. I have found all types of community in church. I literally found my best friend at church (hi, Erika!), but I also found some really great acquaintances through Bible studies and volunteering too. These aren’t my besties, but they’re people I enjoy visiting with, seeing on occasion, people who reach out if I miss a week, etc. Andrew and I have connected with other couples, he has met guys that he enjoys snowboarding/skiing with…a whole smorgasbord of community at all “levels” is right there at church.

My best tip though is that you have to put in the work. I personally haven’t been able to just show up at church, sit in the back, not talk to anyone, leave after the message and find community. I’ve had to put in the work of going to small groups, ladies luncheons, Bible studies, meet women for coffee, volunteer, and consistently attend.

2: THE GYM

I have worked out in a variety of places/ways over the years, and it’s always helped me find a little community. I’ve shared this many times before, but when Kensington was six weeks old, I joined a stroller based workout class for moms and kiddos and goodness, those ladies became my tribe for YEARS. As a new mom, I learned how to be a mom by spending time with them each day. We would load up our kids in strollers, do squats and run sprints, and chat all about life during the entire class. I didn’t know any of these women when it started and now, over 17 years later, I am still dear friends with so many of them.

After my stroller days, I joined a gym with a great kids program and headed to class while my kids were entertained. In those classes, I met such a nice variety of people. From young professionals to grandmothers, those years were spent getting to know a whole new group of people that made me feel a part of something each time I visited.

Fast forward to today, and I have a little gym community at my yoga studio. We aren’t nearly as close as that stroller group, but it’s certainly been so nice meeting these new friends (a mix of men and women), chatting about our weekends together as we set up our space at 5:15 in the morning, asking each other about our travels and pets…it’s just nice to show up and know people.

I think the key to finding community at the gym is consistency (classes, time of day, days of the week) and being engaging with others. It’s easy to put your headphones on and tune everyone out, but if you’re looking for community, be open to saying hi and connecting with your fellow gym-goers. Andrew met one of his very very best friends about 15 years ago at the gym. It’s absolutely possible.

3: NEIGHBORS

A few years ago, I shared with you guys that one of my New Year’s resolutions was to make connections in my neighborhood. We had lived here for many years and yet I still didn’t feel like I had “friends”. Honestly, I shared this with you guys because I needed the accountability and motivation. The problem wasn’t that there weren’t any potential friends in my neighborhood…the problem was that I wasn’t making an effort. I was “neighborly” with many, but I didn’t have any real friends. My mother-in-law always says that “people who want friends are friendly”, so I made a big attempt to be more friendly.

I started by sending a text out to a bunch of women in my neighborhood and inviting them to lunch. What better way to get to know people than on the patio of a Mexican restaurant with chips and margaritas. At that lunch, I legit said that I wanted to have more friends in our neighborhood and guess what? They did too. Ha! There were about 6 of us there, and we decided to start making an effort. We started by making a group text and inviting other women we each knew to join. We named it FAB (Friends Around the Block). Our group text is up to 16 ladies right now…and we’re all very different but very excited to be a part of this little neighborhood thread. We now get together about once a quarter. We have a Christmas hot cocoa and caroling night each December. We’ve had wine nights and book nights and “let’s just get together and chat” nights. We have invited our husbands and families for some of it and kept it just us for other things. We have brought meals to each other after surgeries. We have shown up to business grand openings and open houses.

Here’s what I learned after going out on a limb and texting random neighbors about lunch…I wasn’t the only one sitting around in my neighborhood looking for community. I was super nervous and felt awkward reaching out, but there were so many of us who wanted to connect. How fun is that?

People who want friends are friendly.

That’s some solid wisdom from my mother-in-law 🙂 .

4: SCHOOL/SPORTS/KID THINGS

Oh goodness, how I’ve made some sweet, sweet communities out of “kids things”. These communities tend to have a shelf life (sometimes, it’s just one sports season), but sometimes, dear, dear friends come from these meetings. I know this particular “way” doesn’t apply to everyone here, but if you’re looking for community and have kids…lean into the parents of the children doing life with your kids. Even if these people don’t necessarily become “friends”, it’s always so nice to know that when you show up to be “copy mom” for the PTA each week, you’ve gotten to know the other “copy mom” in there with you. There is such a sweetness spending time with other people doing “mom life” around you.

5: WORK

I know many, many, many of you have found your community through work, and I think that’s awesome. I absolutely love nine ladies I get to work with every day…and I love so many of our supplier partners and clients too. We’re all working towards one goal while simultaneously getting to know each other. It’s special to have a community at and through work.

6: BEING LOYAL TO ESTABLISHMENTS

Okay this one is random, but holy cow, it makes me feel a part of a community. I find that I “make a community” by visiting the same establishments regularly. Over the years, I’ve noticed that when I always visit the same grocery store or coffee shop or restaurant or boutique, I find a little community. They know me, and I know them. We banter and chat and it’s always so pleasant to see each other. Instead of just being a random customer, I’m a regular. And instead of them just being someone behind the cash register, they are people I know things about (their pets, their grandkids, their vacation plans). I just love that. I don’t have their phone numbers. We are not really “friends”, but we are in community together and it feels really nice.

7: ONLINE

And of course, I think you can find community even when you’re not in person. I have certainly, certainly, certainly found community here. In fact, this community is one of my most special and most profound. As important as it is to interact with actual humans in person, it is absolutely possible and meaningful to connect with strangers online. I know I’ve certainly been blessed by it.

Those are just seven places/ways I’ve created community in my life.

When I look back at the times I didn’t feel connected to people, often it was because I wasn’t making an effort to connect. The only thing that helped me “find my people” during those seasons were me making an effort.

I could (and perhaps will!) chat about community more. On the heels of returning from Nantucket, I certainly feel like we’ve made a community up there too. I don’t think God intended for us to do life all alone, so if you are out there and feel that way, goodness, I hope all you take away from me today is a little encouragement to seek a group. Please, please, please online community share your favorite ways to connect with others. I would love if we could all encourage each other to find a bit of community in their lives.

Alrighty, don’t forget, I have so many other SHAY’S WAYS you can check out as well.

Just look:

25 Keys to a Peaceful Morning
22 Keys to making Fall Cozy
19 Key Fall Kitchen Essentials
18 Keys to Prepping for a Trip
14 Keys to Simplify BACK TO SCHOOL
21 Keys to Savoring Summer
21 Keys for Working at Home {Summer Edition}
25 Keys to Outdoor Summer Entertaining
25 Keys to Maintaining our Yard
17 Keys to my Holiday Prep
11 Keys to a Cozy Winter
9 Keys to Returning from a Trip
12 Keys to Leaving Your Kiddos When You Travel
13 Keys to Meal Planning
8 Keys to Creating Daily Routines You Love
21 Keys to Elevating the Everyday
13 Keys to Managing Jet Lag
9 Keys to a Cozy Halloween Night
19 Keys to Hosting Festive & Easy Holiday Parties
12 Keys to Adding Activity into the Everyday
17 Keys to Working From Home
9 Easy Afternoon Energizers
14 Simple Luxuries
8 Keys to Finding a Gym
21 Ways I Hygge
12 Ways for a Happier Day
7 Keys to Reducing/Avoiding Motion Sickness
8 Ways to Add “Vacation” to the Everyday
10 Keys to Getting Ready to Workout
8 Ways I Stay Healthy When I Travel
7 Ways to Make the Holidays Fun for Teens
9 THINGS NOT TO DO AT THE GYM