Happy Wednesday, friends!
First and foremost, I want to thank all of you who are reading this that have served our country. There is absolutely no way that I can properly recognize you enough. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you to the spouses, children, and parents of those who have served. I know this is a commitment and sacrifice for the entire family.
Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to those who have served.
Since it’s the second Wednesday of the month, it means it’s time for this month’s LET’S LOOK!
If you don’t know what LET’S LOOK is, once a month, Erika and I do a little link up where we “look” at different aspects of our lives (and then if you blog, you share and link up too!). We have been doing this little linky party for years now, and it’s always one of my favorite posts each month because most of the topics are YOUR suggestions!
This fall, Erika has semi-retired from posting on her blog, so I’m going to tackle this topic alone 😉 .
Just as a reminder, here’s what we have “looked at” in 2026 (all your suggestions!)…
In January, we looked at THINGS WE OUTSOURCE WITHOUT REGRET.
In February, we looked at WAYS WE’VE TURNED INTO OUR PARENTS.
In March, we looked at FAVORITE FAMILY VACATIONS.
In April, we looked at the HARDEST THINGS WE’VE EVER DONE.
In May, we looked at MAKING COUPLE FRIENDS.
In June, we looked at WHAT I’M MAKING MORE TIME FOR.
In July, we looked at OUR SUMMER SELVES (HOW IT’S DIFFERENT)
In August, we looked at THINGS WE MISS.
In September, we looked at THE FREE THINGS THAT BRING US JOY.
In October, we looked at THINGS WE’VE OUTGROWN.
And today, we’re looking at WAYS WE SHOW UP FOR OTHERS.
You guys picked a great topic for the month of November 🙂 .
I’m going to share a few of the ways I’ve learned/witnessed “showing up for others” and then I certainly, certainly hope you contribute too.
“Showing up for others” runs a wide gamut. I have a few thoughts for when you show up to the little things and then a few when you show up to the tragic things. We can show up to both, but there is a HUGE difference in showing up to celebrate someone’s accomplishment and showing up when someone has lost a loved one. I’m going to try and touch on both a bit.
Spoiler alert: I don’t know about you, but I have learned the most about “how to show up” by watching it play out in real time.
I’ve shared this story many many times before…
…but I’m going to share it again. The evening my grandfather died, I was 17 years old and about to start my senior year in high school. We were all there with him in the hospital when he passed and when it was time to leave, I drove to my grandparents’ house. This was 27 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I sat on one of my grandmother’s couches in the living room kind of numb and in a daze and just watched her friends swoop in. My grandmother’s best friends were her “garden club” friends. She had been besties with this same group of ladies for decades (and still is today!). I sat there as they just walked in and got to work. They were making food, cleaning, taking out the trash, telling their husbands to “do this and do that” and just HANDLING THINGS. I specifically remember one of the women asking where Darlene (my grandmother) kept the coffee and Carol (the lady pictured above) said don’t ask her, I’ll send Ken (Carol’s husband) to buy coffee. I had known these ladies my entire life but sitting there and watching them be there for my grandmother on her darkest day was mesmerizing to me.
Clearly it made an impact on my life because I still think about it almost thirty years later.
I not only wanted friends like this, but I wanted to be a friend like this.
These ladies SHOWED UP.
There are so many takeaways from that specific memory, but let’s start with…
#1: HANDLE IT
I think sometimes “being there for others” can mean you just need to step in and “handle it”. I know there is a very wide spectrum of “showing up for others”. Sometimes, we show up for an event in their lives that is significant but joyous and happy…and other times, we are “being there” because something is devastating. If it’s the latter, I think that’s the time we show up and just start handling things. We aren’t asking the person too many questions. We are just gettin’ stuff done. We look around, take inventory, and get to work.
#2: DON’T HAVE EXPECTATIONS
I personally think this is easier said than done, but if you’re showing up for others, you really can’t have expectations. If something tragic has happened, they might be in a space where they just can’t show appreciation or say thank you or return the favor or even be overtly friendly. I think it’s okay to relieve them of any expectations on their part. On the flip side, I also think if you do something nice like show up to celebrate someone’s achievement (maybe you go to their retirement party or kid’s baseball game), and they can’t/don’t make time for you, you have to let that go too. Managing our own expectations around how something “should” playout helps make the experience positive regardless of how it actually plays out.
#3: FEED THEM
I’m a big fan of showing up for others with food. Whether it’s showing up on a hard day (an illness) or a great day (a new baby), a meal or loaf of bread or even store bought cookies is nice to have in hand.
#4: BE SPECIFIC
When one of my besties was dying of cancer, someone else I knew who had been the recipient in a similar situation, said “don’t ask her/her husband/her parents if you can do anything” be much more specific. Instead of saying “can I bring you anything”, we should say things like “I am going to Target. I’m going to grab you paper towels and paper plates and bottled water, and drop it by. What else can I get you at Target to drop off?”.
You guys, that changed things.
It was actually quite shocking to me how much more we were able to help when we reframed the question and made it more specific and direct. Often, the response back would be something like “Actually, we have enough bottled water, but can you please grab some more Tide while you’re there for our laundry?”.
When they have so much on their plate already, it’s easier for them to say “I don’t need anything” to a generic question (Can I bring you anything?) when they actually do need things. If you start the conversation with “I’m going to A and plan on buying you these things and bringing them to you” they’re much more likely to give you real things they need. And I know we all really want to help, so this is win, win.
#5: GIVE SPACE
On the flip side, I also think it’s okay to show up for others by giving them space. I think the key though is to give them space and not hold it against them later on.
#6: DON’T FORGET ABOUT THEM
I think it’s easy to have people top of mind right after the tragedy happens. After a while though, our life goes on and yet their pain/hurt/sadness/situation does not. Don’t forget about people. Check in on them days, weeks, months, even years later.
On the flip side of this one though, I think if you know someone is doing something awesome or their kid has a big accomplishment coming up, don’t forget about them either. I always love when friends remember little details about my family and reach out later to ask how it went/is going. One little text really can mean so much. It always feels so nice to be remembered.
#7: SEND NOTES
I know it’s 2026, but how much does it mean to you to receive an actual handwritten note in the mail? I always appreciate the time and effort someone went to when I receive a card. I mean, goodness, they had to locate an actual stamp. Crazy?! Being there for others can simply be sending a note in the mail. I think it’s a little thing that goes a long way.
#8: LET THEM LEAD
Everyone is different…let them talk, let them not talk. Let them cry. Let them laugh. Let them be angry. Let them lead.
My dad has worn a lot of hats in his lifetime, but one of them was hospital chaplain and another was Bible teacher and also fill in pulpit pastor and…growing up, he must have said to us a million times, when people have great loss, be quiet, listen and just say you’re sorry. Period. Don’t try to make it better or fix it right then.
#9: PRAY FOR THEM
Pray, pray, pray. I am such a believer in prayer. Prayer changes situations. Prayer heals. Prayer gives peace. Prayer works.
I love the book of Nehemiah for many reasons, but one of them is that Nehemiah both prayed AND he “did”. Prayer + Action is always a really solid combination, but sometimes situations are out of our control/realm and we can’t “do”…so we pray. Pray, pray, pray for others.
#10: JUST SHOW UP
Be there. Go to the funeral. Go to the concert. Go to their front door. Go to the event. Go, go, go. Is there any better way to “be there for someone” than just showing up?
And those are ten ways I try to “show up” for others.
Next month…
…we are looking at NAVIGATING BUSY SEASONS WITHOUT BURNOUT!
Alrighty, of course I would love to know how YOU show up for others. Please, please comment and share!
Don’t forget, if you blogged along with us today, please make sure you link up below.
Have the best Wednesday, friends!
I will see you back here tomorrow. xx
Elspeth Mizner says
So many great ideas! I always try to check in on friends for a just because, doesn’t have to be a reason, but to show you are there and you care!
http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
Ashley says
Love this topic and your thoughts…don’t love the new pop-up ads that appear and have to be closed every so often as you scroll down the page. 🙁
Mix and Match Mama says
I haven’t installed any new ads…hmmm…
Kelly Hooper says
This post is beautiful! It brought me to tears reading about the kindness of your grandmother’s friends. Thank you for the amazing ways to show up for others❤️
Mix and Match Mama says
She has the absolute most amazing group of friends. I love them dearly.
Grace says
The post is beautiful, I agree. The memory that you carry with you just speaks so much all these years later. Thank you for sharing this post.
Krista says
Love everything about this very special post.
Nicole says
Thank you, Shay for this. I think to add to the “let them lead” to also include that this is now about you. People want to feel like they can connect and decide to share their own stories to empathize. When you show up because someone is going through something, just sit, listen, hold their hand and have this moment be about them.
Sheaffer says
You are really great at showing up for people. First, I always know that you’re praying. ALWAYS. This year you and Erika showed up for me by dropping off a sweet note, a gift card for some meals, and a beautiful mum! And do you remember the year my dad was sick and you dropped off pumpkins for my front porch?!? I was so busy at the hospital I hadn’t even thought about pumpkins, and you couldn’t stand it. 🙂 And I totally agree about the “being specific” tip being a game changer. JUST DO SOMETHING. Even if it’s something little. DO IT. It means so much. I
Mix and Match Mama says
YOU are really great at showing up for people. I have almost 20 years of evidence, friend. xx
Kay says
I don’t have any additional tips, but just wanted to thank you for this post today. My neighbor lost her husband to ALS and these tips to support her are more appreciated than you know! As a friend, sometimes it’s hard to know what is needed and you feel like nothing you do could be enough. So just having a plan as you outlined above helps tremendously. xo
Mix and Match Mama says
Goodness, I am so sorry for her loss. So very sorry.
Bonnie says
Rain checks are the way I like to tell my friends/family. Cash in on it a few weeks after the chaos has died down.
And don’t forget to hold a young mom’s babies at a church potluck or luncheon! They desperately want a hot meal without interruptions!! 😊
SS says
Shay,
I have been the receiver and giver of different forms of showing up. Each time it touches my heart that someone thought of me or my family. The one thing I have received and been a giver of is if someone is going through a rough time (illness or death in family) is bringing something for breakfast. I love that people bring meals, but the one that was the Ah ha moment was getting breakfast food instead of more lunch/dinner meals…those are fantastic, but opening the fridge having some OJ or some cereal to eat quick was so thoughtful. I usually make like a banana bread coffee cake ..a sweet treat at night or breakfast.
On your showing up ..last week we attended a service at our local Nat’l cemetery for 14 unclaimed veterans…talk about showing up. The surrounding communities showed up for these men who didn’t have family or loved ones and bid them farewell/thank them for their service showing up. It was quite something that we will be trying to show up for more of them. Thanks you veterans and their families and those serving now!
Mix and Match Mama says
Thank you so much for sharing, friend. xx
Susan P Fitzpatrick says
I love this topic. Yes, show up for others even if they may not always show up for you. You never know what is going on in someone’s life behind the scenes.
Jennifer Maynard says
Any tips on how to navigate when you show up for people and then no one shows up for you? I have been dealing with that lately through a hard time and has left me very weary.
Mix and Match Mama says
I’m so sorry you’ve been experiencing that. That’s really, really hard. I know this isn’t easy and I’d be lying if I said I do this all the time, but I think we have to be the best we can be regardless of what others are. I need to be the best friend/spouse/parent/child/sibling/church member/neighbor/etc regardless of how they want to behave. I’m only responsible for being the best version of myself.
Bethany says
My husband recently went through a battle with Acute Myeloid Leukemia, he was in the hospital for over a 100 days in a years time I had a Senior in HS and an 8th grader to take care of while working full time. My village showed up in so many ways and the ones I remember most were specific. One friend paid for my house to be cleaned every other week for months, she picked the cleaner, the day and all I did was leave a key, another came and did yard maintenance another came and picked up laundry including bedding and returned it washed and folded. One took down and stored all of my Holiday decor. I will never forget these acts of kindness, they just saw what I needed and did it.
Mix and Match Mama says
Sending your sweet family so much love. So so much love!
Debbie Dunbar says
Great suggestions! I love the reminder not to forget about them because the loss or pain does not just stop all of the sudden. It goes on and on. Send the cards, text them that you are praying, ask how they are, just let them know that you know they are hurting and that you are thinking and praying for them. When my best friend’s husband was murdered years ago, she shut herself away and would not answer the phone or the door. It was hard to not feel slighted, but I knew that that was just how she was dealing with the pain and loss! I would leave messages and pray! Finally she started responding. The main thing was that she knew I was there and that I was respecting her needs! Sometimes, we just feel that the only thing we can do is pray, when actually, that is the BEST thing we can do! Pray to the God of all comfort!
Mix and Match Mama says
Thank you for sharing, Debbie. That’s absolutely tragic for your friend.
Patty says
With a husband who was active duty for 20+ years, we’ve lived in a lot places. The day we moved into a home in Alabama, a cooler filled with cold drinks showed up in our garage along with a bag of cups, napkins, and goodies. No note. Just an quiet little delivery. It wasn’t until days later that we figured out it came from a neighbor across the street. And on moving day in Utah, about 14 LDS neighbors showed up and unloaded our pod even though they knew we had our own church friends available if we needed them. We’ve been blessed with amazing neighbors in so many places who knew what we needed even before we did!
Mix and Match Mama says
Wow! This is an incredible example of showing up for others. Please tell your husband THANK YOU for serving our country. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
sandi says
No one and I mean, NO ONE shows up like the elder church ladies! Blessing the table of the ones left behind after a funeral with casseroles and cleaning… it is a lost art. Great post!
Mix and Match Mama says
AMEN!
Bailey Morris says
I learned a big lesson in this recently. Our friend was going through a tough week, and multiple of our other friends texted “Let us know what you need!!” and “Do you need anything?” in the group chat. She politely declined. I texted her separately and sent her a menu from a local take-and-bake spot and said “Tell me what looks good.” And then I got what she asked for AND added cookies – duh! She sent back a lot of teary-happy-thank you emojies and I think she felt super loved.
Who doesn’t want dinner brought to them? But who wants to say “hey, can you cook me dinner?” NO ONE!! “Tell me what looks yummy from this list.” “I’m scheduling Walmart delivery for you – what are 5 necessities you could use right now?”
“I’m going to get ice cream from that Ben and Jerry’s by your house. What’s your favorite flavor?”
I don’t think I’ve historically been great at doing this, so it felt like a great lesson and a new go-to practical way I can show up for a friend.
Mix and Match Mama says
This is a wonderful example, Bailey! Thank YOU so much for sharing. It’s the small reframe that really can make a big difference.
Sheila C says
Such a fantastic post, thanks, Shay.