Tomorrow is the 8th anniversary of being a forever family with our sweet girl.
Eight amazing years.
This is Madeley James.
She is nine, almost ten, years old.
She loves savory food and not sweet.
She loves snuggles and cuddles.
She loves to draw.
She loves to take an afternoon shower and put her pjs on.
She loves a Shirley Temple.
She is extremely funny (especially for her age).
She gets along well with everyone.
She is the life of the party anytime she enters a room.
She loves it when her brother picks her up.
She loves playing outside with one of her sisters.
She loves listening to Taylor Swift with the other.
She is a human being.
A person.
She has feelings and passions.
She wants affection and attention.
She wants a future.
It absolutely breaks my heart to think of all of the Madeleys in China right now who have their own unique passions and interests. They have proclivities to certain things. They want cuddles. They want love. They want affection and attention. They want a forever family. They want a future.
The news out of China last week halting international adoptions has broken my already fragile heart. These kids are real kids. They are real human beings that need homes.
When I look back on my life, one of the things I will be the most proud of and blessed by is that I know our family’s story has played a role in so many kids finding forever homes. I get your emails. I see your messages. I receive the holiday cards. I see their precious faces. It is so humbling to know that we have been a small part in many of you bringing kids home from around the world and becoming forever families with children that didn’t have one.
This calling on my life also comes with a burden of responsibility because I would never want to discourage anyone from pursuing adoption. As easily as I could influence forever families, I could discourage someone from adopting which would mean one less forever family for a child. I don’t take this lightly which is why I’ve been extremely hesitant to say what I’m about to say…but…
…we officially began the adoption process for the third time on May 20, 2018 and well, clearly, we have not been able to adopt again. I do not have the emotional bandwidth to share our story today, but I’m sharing this to say that Andrew and I have great empathy for those of you waiting to adopt right now and for those of you whose adoptions have been halted in China. We have spent years trying to adopt and due to certain governments, we have had to pray and make peace with the fact that God has closed the door on adoption for us. We didn’t just decide on our own though, our hearts were ripped a part from what we thought was our next chapter and the grief coupled with the peace from the Lord helped us (and our sweet kids who were equally as devastated) pick up the pieces and move on.
I share this today, one day before our sweet Madeley’s Gotcha Day, because from the bottom of my heart, I DO THINK ADOPTION IS BEAUTIFUL and wonderful and amazing and if you’re in the trenches right now either domestically or internationally, I AM PRAYING FOR YOU. I do not want to be discouraging, but I also simply cannot gloss over the pain that this Gotcha Day will bring for so many of you mamas out there who will never get that Gotcha Day with the child you have been dreaming about, seeing pictures and videos of, financially supporting, and praying for. I see you. I hurt with you. My heart is very broken for you.
Madeley James Shull, I have felt extremely blessed to be your mama every single day since September 11, 2016…but today more than ever, I am even more thankful. As Kensington once said “Madeley is the best of us.”. We might have been trying for years to add a finishing touch to our family, but I am so incredibly grateful God knew in advance our needs over our wants and desires and blessed us this sweet girl to be the fourth and final chapter.
We love our Mades.
We are praying for so many of you out there today. Adoption is amazing. Adoption is AMAZING. I am rooting for you all. I am praying you all get your Gotcha Days too. xx Shay
Amy Heinl says
Happy Gotcha Day sweet Madely. I cant imagine another child that radiates such pure joy than she does and I can’t imagine her not being a Shull family member. Have fun celebrating today
Katie says
Thank you for sharing so honestly and shining light on the highs and lows of adoption. You are an encouragement to so many, and I have no doubt your story will continue to impact others. Prayers of celebration and healing for your family 💗
Kristen Thompson says
💔 my heart breaks for you and every family struggling through this right now, but such a bittersweet post also celebrating the beautiful journey of making Madeley part of your family. I began following you when you were going through the adoption process with Ashby and my husband and I have both had adoption on our hearts while we walked through some infertility. I was so sad this week as I know many were about the news from china. I’m so happy so many families like yours have been blessed by adoption though!
Beth Knecht says
Oh Shay, dreaming and hoping and praying for a child in so many different capacities can be so heartbreaking. I’m sorry to hear of this closed door, but so happy to see the light you are shedding on adoption!
Elspeth says
Adoption is incredible! Thank you for sharing your story with us, including the good and bad! Praying for your family too!
Happy Gotcha Day!
http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
Kelsey Duray says
Yes! This. We began our international adoption journey in 2020 during covid because our 2nd and last biological child turned 1 in March 2020, so we were ready to keep adding on! The Lord lead us to Haiti where we were dossier registered. I emailed you about this and you were so helpful and encouraging!! But similarly, we weren’t matched before Haiti shut down adoptions. We are now fostering the sweetest 1 year old boy and taking it day by day. There is so much joy and grief, blessing and struggle. But I cannot imagine if we had not started this twisty-road journey. It is shaping our family and our hearts forever. Thanks for sharing, Shay. 💕
Karleigh Johnson says
Shay, my heart breaks for you. You are such an example of coming to peace with difficult decisions/realities, something I really need to work on myself. I hope and pray for continued peace for you and your family as well as the many, many others out there.
Laura says
Your family & the Slaughters were the first thing I thought of when I read the news. Thinking of you guys <3
Jami Romano says
Chills. This is so profound. God bless your family and your always kind heart. 🩷
Erika Opperman says
Thank you for sharing, Shay. Your authenticity is so refreshing and opens the door for so many to be the same way! Praying for your family today🤍
Grace says
I am so sorry to hear that news and that your family was not able to see this particular dream fulfilled. Maybe someday the Lord will open another door for a child in another part of the world to find their forever family with the Shulls. Adoption has been on my heart since I was a teenager, and I have followed your family’s adoption journeys for years. Thank you for sharing. I hope some day they will open back up, and the same for other countries too. I also pray we will all have the wisdom and grace to say yes to His calling to care for the fatherless. Their Heavenly Father sees them and knows them and loves them.
Natalie Alvarado says
She is absolutely precious! What a gift from God that you have her. 🩷
Beth Valenta says
Sending prayers out to all of those making hard choices or being made to have so much difficulty. Your family is clearly a blessing for both of those sweet girls.
Marla says
Shay, my heart breaks for you yet somehow my admiration grows. I did not think that was possible but you continue to amaze me with your strength, your love, your willingness to share with all of us but mostly,your relatiinship with God.
I see you Shay. I feel your pain and I pray. I also pray for all the families who are in similar situations. I especially pray for all the children who are alone, being deprived of their forever family , while someone is waiting and yearning for them to be placed in their arms, their hearts and their homes. May God bless each of you and keep you while giving you what you need to deal with so many insurmountable emotions. HE sees you! HE has you.
Let us never forget the children and let us never give up ř know you are loved.
Tiffany says
Yes! I second all of this. My heart breaks for you and my admiration grows too (so well said, Marla!). I’m praying for you and your family and so many others like yours.
Mary Arredondo says
Praying for you and all the families today!
Allison says
Happy Gotcha Day to Madeley, she is PRECIOUS!!
Callie says
My heart hurts for you this morning.
Molly says
I am so very sorry to hear your devastating news. You are a beautiful family! May God bless you and happy gotcha day!!!!!!!
Kay says
Oh, Shay! My heart breaks for you. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to sit with the truth that you couldn’t get the ending your whole family had hoped and planned for. Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
Melissa Terry says
Oh Shay…my heart is breaking for you this morning along with the many other families who are in your situation. We are one of the families you mentioned-having been encouraged by your story and your grace. Even though adoption broke our hearts in many ways, our 4 year old daughter is a testament to the miracle it is as well. Thank you for sharing your heart. Praying comfort for y’all today.
Robin says
What a beautiful post. I am so sorry for the pain of the door that closed. I was brought to tears over your moving words. Happy early gotcha day to Miss Madely. ❤️
Kelly Bowles says
I am so very sorry and I am praying for the Shull hearts.
Katherine says
I’m so sorry to hear that your desire/ability to adopt a 3rd child wasn’t successful. Your family is beautiful and blessed with Marley and Ashby, for sure! Happy Gotcha Day!
Faith says
Thank you for sharing your beautiful Mades and her story with us. I know many families who have adopted and their stories always amaze me.
I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out a 3rd time. Thank you for also being real and honest.
Happy gotcha day!
Katherine says
I’m so sorry to hear that your desire/ability to adopt a 3rd child wasn’t successful. Your family is beautiful and blessed with Madeley and Ashby, for sure! Happy Gotcha Day!
Sunny says
your passion and care is truly coming through the page today. Thinking of you and I hope your fragile heart can get some much needed healing.
Tara S says
Oh Shay! I am so sorry for the impact on your family with governments restrictions and regulations and their lack of care for the kiddos who won’t receive the families who are ready for them. Yes, adoption is a blessing, and yes you helped me see that I could be strong enough to endure the path to China as well and I am forever thankful for God’s hand in leading me across your recipe side to your family side of the blog (when they weren’t combined I don’t think) while you were IN China getting Ashby!! When you went to get Madeley I was still waiting for my kiddo and I was just so hopeful!
I am so happy for your celebrations around this forever family day!!! I send you big hugs for the sadness with all of the loss you also experienced and the kiddos experience as well.
Thankful you are finding peace with the Lords help!
Mary says
Hi Shay, Love your post – My Katie (now 18 years) was adopted 17 years ago from Guatemala (another country that has closed their doors to adoption) we got Katie home right before they closed their adoptions. I thank God everyday and her bio mom for allowing me to be her mom! I tell Katie all the time- “You didn’t grow in my tummy but in my heart way before I even knew you”
thank you for you post!
Karen says
I’m so sorry y’all are feeling the weight of the closure as well. We’re one of the families that have been matched with letter of acceptance and waiting these 4 years. Although we had been preparing ourselves, Wednesday’s news hit hard. Praying for you guys as you process through this. Praying thise kiddos get loving, forever homes in their home country.
sandi says
No words, Shay for the pain your family has felt with this news. Our neighbors of 17 years have adopted twice from China. Their girls are now 21 and 16, the age of our oldest and youngest. She has spoken recently of the heartbreak of this news coming out of China having seen and lived the adoption process twice… knowing all of the children that would love a forever home. Praising God for the caboose that completes your family and is the best of each of you. Happy Gotcha Day!
Bonnie M. says
Heart breaking the number of kids out there needing to be adopted. So glad Marley is with your family. She sounds like a special girl.
Brooke says
It is amazing that you attempted to adopt for a third time. Prayers for your hearts and everyone else’s adoption journey. Special prayers for the kids needing to be adopted and their caregivers.
Jennifer Gray says
Prayers for so many are needed – but a special one for your sweet family today. 🥰😢
Mary says
I’m praying for all the children that this change has affected. It’s heartbreaking.
God always has a reason and will guide us through it. Love 💕
Dawn Scheurich says
I’m so sorry and my heart aches for you and Andrew and the kids…
Julie says
Every time you talk about adoption I’m a blubbery mess. Your story is beautiful! God is using you guys in Mighty ways. 💛
JC says
In May 2018 we met our daughter in China. I googled everything in 2016 looking for info on international adoption and found this blog. While adoption isn’t roses for everyone involved, it was encouraging to read someone’s first hand experience here. I pray for the sick and poor of heart left behind in the orphanage and peace for her biological family. Thanks for writing this blog.
Debbie says
Thank you for sharing your adoption journey with us. When I was struggling to become an older first time mom, I briefly thought about international adoption. I was eventually able to carry a child to term and made peace with having an only child. However, your journey really inspired me to look around me to find people I could encourage who were adopting here or outside the country. Everyone can play a part in giving a child a forever family, whether it is through giving financially, supporting emotionally, or through adoption.
Katie Hahn says
Thank you for being vulnerable. You have inspired me and many others in so many ways. Praying for your hearts and the hearts of everyone affected. Happy almost Gotcha Day Madeley!
Melissa says
I’m so sorry, Shay. I’m praying for your family and all of the families and children this has impacted. So heartbreaking.
Sarah Shaneyfelt says
I was shocked when I heard the news about China. Praying for China’s president to change his mind and allow the waiting children to go home to their forever familes. I think you do a great job of talking about adoption. While it REALLY is a beautiful thing, it can also be very hard (for a myriad of reasons) and you have to grieve a failed adoption like you grieve losing a child–this was us, too! Still thankful that your obedience to the Lord in your call to adopt led us to ours!
Lizzie says
Her smiles are contagious. What a cutie! Hugs and prayers to you, Shay.
Kelsee says
Thank you for being open to share your adoption journey and your beautiful girls with us. Happy Gotcha Day to Madeley.
Jill says
Thank you Shay for sharing about how your family wanted and tried to adopt a third time. I’m deeply sorry it became so painful and I’m praying God comfort you each like only He can. I too am praying for the grieving families. Much Love to you all.
Amy says
Happy Gotcha Day Madely!! Shay, I am heartbroken to read this and I am lifting you all up in prayer.
Kati Wallace says
We, too, were in process. Last Thursday was such a ‘the world feels extra dark’ day. Like you, we have a sweet girl from China. We’ve stood in the rooms filled with quiet children in cribs waiting. I cannot make it make sense. I honestly have to put it away from my mind bc it’s so devastating…these are children:( I completely get your heart break. Praying with you💗
Heather says
My heart aches for all of the children who are rendered homeless and family less now.
Praising God that Ashby and Mades didn’t have to suffer with the same fate.
Joanna Borowy says
You are so heartfelt and genuine in your posts that I can just feel your pain, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that but your response and how this is God’s will be encouraging to others and really just shows what true faith you all have. We really don’t ever know the workings that go on but as you know, God has His perfect plan in place.
Alison says
Happy Gotcha Day, to Miss Mades! My birthday twin and fellow adoptee. 🥰 Albeit the fourth and final chapter, I can tell shes’s a beautiful addition to your family’s story. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. The Shull family is so well-loved!
Stephanie Snyder says
Praying for your family and the devastation around what could have been, while celebrating the joy of Madeleine and the beauty of an adoption gone right. Praying for all the children in China, the USA, and around the world who do not have forever homes due to whatever circumstances put them in such a tragic situation. Praying for peace, hope, and God’s arms wrapped tightly around everyone in need as they await a family to join.
Genelle says
Oh Shay, wow. Thank you for sharing. This makes me think of Psalm 56:8… He is so closely aquatinted with our sorrows. How joyful and painful your family’s story is. Praise God for His hand in all of it!
Cathy Perez says
Madeley is such a sweet girl! All your children are special gifts from God! Bless your heart!
Jen says
So happy Mades is part of your family! 🙂 So sorry about your desire for a 3rd adoption coming to a close with the China program. You inspired our family to pursue international adoption. We have been waiting since 2018 for a diff country. We ended up deciding to switch countries because of how slow and non-existent the matches were becoming. I am happy to say we have been matched with 2 boys from Thailand and hope to bring them home in 2025. It’s been a long road and I hate to say how frustrating the process has been. We were open to many special needs, older children, then increased to sibling groups and still weren’t getting a match. There are so many children that need homes and it seems to be getting more difficult each day. Praying for you all.
Rahel says
This is a beautiful testimony- thank you for sharing (the good and the sad). Each time I see a picture of Madeley – it brings a smile. Her joy is contagious (even in a picture)!
Robyn Beers says
I just cannot imagine how families are feeling that have started the adoption process and then to have it suddenly HALTED. My dearest friend and her husband adopted a child from Russia many years and were in the final phase of being able to bring him home when international adoptions were halted…I can only imagine how it felt to have a son in their arms on two different visits and then to never see him again when they were already scheduled for their third and final visit to Russia to bring him home – forever. My heart breaks for anyone in this position.
My life has been profoundly changed by her three daughters, all adopted from different countries, and by her son who I never got to meet in person.
Something has to change – everyone wants to be loved by a forever family.
Karlee says
I am so thankful for you and Andrew, who were open to adopting two precious girls and providing a forever home for them. Thank you for sharing this inspiring story. You’ve been a blessing and inspiration to so many people.
Roya Bushong says
I love this and hurt for this all at the same time. Prayers for all the families that are waiting and hoping and having faith.
Kristy says
I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and there are tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing your heartache with us. You share all your joy and we love it. When you share your heartache, it gives me a bigger picture of all the joy you share. You obviously fight for joy in your life, it oozes out of you. Consider yourself hugged even though I’ve never met you.
Kristin says
It is heartbreaking to think of everyone who suffers because of political decisions. If only we could all agree to at least continue to do what is best for children, and could place them in homes with loving families.
Debbie Dunbar says
I always wondered if you and Andrew would adopt again. Now I know that you planned and tried to. I am so sorry that didn’t work out. I can only imagine the sorrow that brought. Your perspective regarding adoption and even not being able to adopt this last time is great though and is a wonderful testimony. 🙂
Donna Mason says
Oh Shay, my heart is breaking right now. Madely is truly such an incredible and special blessing and she brings a huge smile to my heart every time I see her. You can see how your love and devotion has shaped her entire life and she exudes JOY AND HAPPINESS from within because of your love.
I have watched your family literally grow up over the years. You and Andrew are the most giving and loving parents
to your family in all ways possible. You are both just absolutely incredible human beings. I am sending you a huge hug across the miles to ease some of the immense pain I know you are going through right now.
Dana K says
As an adoptive mama myself (and an adoptee), I guess there was a reason I didn’t get to read today’s post before work like I usually do. I would have had to go pull myself together all over again. 🙁
It’s so tough to not complete an adoption (we thought 2 others were “the one”), but then to know we got an AMAZING kid (that 3 other families passed on for whatever reason). He always has His plan.
Audrey Laughlin says
We registered with CARA last week to adopt from India. We have two bio kids, ages 5 and 3. My husband and I have been so inspired by your story as well as my sister’s, who adopted my precious niece and nephew from Russia 12 years ago, which is also closed now.. leaving so many families heartbroken. Sending prayers around the world today.
Miya says
Happy gotcha day to Madely, you and your family! What a complex week it’s been with this ruling for the adoption community. As a Chinese adoptee, I too have felt the gratitude, sadness, and many other mixed emotions. Thank you for sharing your family’s experiences with us! What a special community to be a part of.
NKD says
To all reading this post, if you adopted, THANK YOU! If you want to adopt, THANK YOU. I was adopted. I realize there’s a very real chance I could not be here today because I was born in the 1950s. The pregnancy was hidden, the birth was hidden, my bio mother’s post partum emotions were hidden or ignored. BUT SHE WAS STRONG ENOUGH AND LOVED ME ENOUGH to give me a life where two loving parents could take care of me well! I was born in America and adopted by Americans. But for me, adoption is adoption. We cannot control what China chooses to do, but we can adopt from our own state, our own country or another country. We can pray for the Chinese children who don’t have families, but God knew when they were born how they would or would not have a family. God knows; trust Him, and ask Him what country you should focus on now.
Thank you for reading my comment.
K.K. says
Just back from an incredible mission trip in the heart of the Peruvian jungle, and what an important post to come back to!! Praying for those kids who need and want parents who aren’t there!! Praying for you specifically. And celebrating Madeley!!
Deb says
My heart breaks for you, your family, and the child you had hoped to have join your family. I wish all of you peace.
Hope says
Thank you for sharing your adoption journey. I’m sorry to hear that your journey to adopt from China has ended but you you have beautiful daughters who are so lucky to have become part of your family.
Sheaffer says
WE LOVE YOU, MADELEY!!!
Diane Moore says
Thank you for sharing all this 💕
Madeley is such an adorable, appealing child. I’m happy for your whole family.
And your kindness and empathy for others is always appreciated.
Amanda says
Thanks for sharing Shay. We also followed the adoption path only to be met with heartbreak and unanswered prayers. We spent A lot of money and our dossier was excepted in Haiti in 2017 we never received a match. Our family continued to grow up and we continued to pay the yearly fees. Our dossier may or may not have been destroyed in the attacks by rebels. We have ceased paying the yearly fees as we have no idea as the country is so unstable and our children have begun graduating the family we envisioned and prayed for can not be.
Courtney says
I’m so sorry to hear about the 3rd adoption. My heart dropped when I got the email from our agency about China. Also, thank you for sharing your family’s adoption journey the last 10 years. Because of you, adoption got placed on my heart and our daughter has been home with us from India for almost 5 years.
Beck says
Love your heart. Thank you for sharing
whitney says
My youngest LOVES and afternoon shower. She wants to get in the minute she gets home from school and get straight into those PJs.
Patty says
While we were in the air on a long anticipated trip to Maui just over a week ago, we received a message saying “momma, please call me when you land…it’s important.” I called her when we arrived in Maui only to be told about China halting adoptions to Americans. My daughter and her husband began the process of adopting a sweet boy when he was five. He’s now 11 and thinks he has parents in America waiting for him. Our hearts are broken, especially after hearing Spanish speaking countries will still be allowed to adopt their Chinese children. Will he be told the truth, or will he be told his parents gave up on him? They had everything in order and were just waiting for travel approval. I don’t know what’s ahead for them, but I DO know God has a plan. It’s hard to trust when we hurt, but we will. We’re thankful he’s in a really good orphanage, and we’ll still pray for him as if he’s still ours. Maybe we’ll somehow get to meet him someday.
Tera Knepp says
Happy Gotcha Day to Madeley! So sorry for your pain. We too relate. We have 6 daughters, including 3 from China. We wanted to add 2 brothers but were waiting on our oldest to turn 18 due to the “no more than 6 minors in the home” rule that China has. She turned 18 in 2022 but by then, we could see the end coming. We too had to resign to the fact that our family is complete & trusting His plans are better than ours. So hard to think of all the ones left waiting. 💔
Christine says
What a beautiful, sweet girl you have! Thank you for honesty and sharing your adoption experiences. We’ve adopted from China, too, and we are just heartbroken about all the waiting children and families that will not be together.
My heart goes out to you with the 3rd adoption you started. I know it must be so tough. You have such a beautiful family and heart. I will pray for you all. Hugs!