Happy THURSDAY, friends!
If you’re in the baking mood, today, I’m sharing MINI PUMPKIN PIES WITH A SUGAR COOKIE CRUST (they’re so easy!), so make sure you pop over and check out that post!
Plus, it’s another edition of…
I love Shay’s Ways because I share my ideas and then you ladies all share yours too…and together, we get a whole bunch of great ideas.
And today’s topic in particular is one where I would LOVE the extra feedback.
A sweet blog reader (hi Megan!) suggested we discuss WAYS TO MAKE THE HOLIDAYS FUN FOR TEENS AND TWEENS.
Well, this post is right up my alley because I love the holidays, and I live almost exclusively with teens and tweens.
As you probably know by now, I’ve spent a lot of energy over the last 17 years as a mama trying to make that day, that season, that holiday FUN. I love to make the ordinary special and the special EXTRA SPECIAL.
Here’s the deal though, it was a heck of a lot easier to do this when they were…
…little.
Our family created many traditions when they were younger, and as they’ve gotten older, we’ve easily been able to keep some, we’ve had to tweak others, and honestly, we’ve had to downright remove a few. They’re older, schedules are busier, time is more precious, and honestly, some things just aren’t as magical when you’re not five.
So, here are my little WAYS TO MAKE THE HOLIDAYS FUN FOR TEENS AND TWEENS but please know, we’re still very much a work in progress. I’ll share mine, and then please, please share yours too!
#1: BE OPEN TO INCLUDING OTHER PEOPLE
I’ve shared before that I have said many things in life that I’ve later “changed my mind about” and how we “do” the holidays is filled with said things. I used to think that all of these Shull traditions would remain traditions just the six of us did together until they were old and married. The truth is though that over the years, we have included their friends in some of our favorite holiday traditions and guess what? We had just as much fun. Honestly, maybe even more fun because bringing a new person into an “old” tradition breathes a fresh new life into things. They’re super excited to be doing said thing which makes you even more excited to be doing said thing and before you know it, this tradition has only become more fun. My teens and tweens have fun sharing some of our traditions with their friends…so I try to lean into that instead of saying “no, this is just for us”.
#2: ASK THEM, LISTEN TO THEM, LEAN IN
Talking to teens and tweens is such delicate dance. You have to get the timing right (not first thing in the morning), you have to gauge their mood (a skill all in its own), you have to monitor your own enthusiasm (you can’t be too hyper about it)…but when I hit that moment (so often in the car) when my teens and tweens are being extra chatty, this is when I float ideas out there. I ask them and then really listen to their responses. If they seem “blah” about something then I honestly try and just let it go. If they’re blah about it now, imagine how blah they’ll be about it in the moment. If they’re energetic about it, I make sure to include it on our calendar that year. Basically, I try to read the room and plan accordingly.
#3: LITTLE THINGS MEAN MORE THAN I THINK
I’ve realized that a lot of the “little” things mean more to my kids than I think. I typically realize this after I’ve not done it.
I have two examples…
Last year, I switched out all of the girls’ sheets for their Christmas sheets but put Smith’s plain white sheets back on his bed. I mean, he’s a big high school boy who didn’t seem to care about those details. A few days later he asked me where his Christmas sheets were. Internally I was thinking “Oh my gosh, he still loves his Christmas sheets, yay, go me! My heart is full!”…but I acted cool and said something to the effect of “Oh yeah, I’m putting yours on next”. He missed his sheets. I never would have thought that had I not put them on.
The second example is that last year, my youngest was in the 4th grade so I thought “Oh praise the Lord, I no longer have to move that silly elf around my house. I am so relieved!”. A few days into December and my 16 year old daughter was like “Hey, how come our elf hasn’t visited this year?”. I looked at her like “Are you insane?! Who wants to deal with that this year?!”, but I think I muttered “Um, excuse me?” and she said she likes waking up and looking to see if she can find it before school. I pulled the elf back out.
I guess my point here is sometimes with teens and tweens, you have to “not” do something to see if you “should” still be doing something. If they don’t mention it…
#4: KNOW WHEN TO STOP
For years and years, we took our four kids to get their photos taken with Santa which sounds like a sweet experience but honestly, you have to get online weeks in advance, make a reservation, put kids in festive clothing, drag hubby along and drive to a far off destination (like a mall) on a busy weekday to wait in line for your reservation time for this $80 photo of your kids. When COVID happened, we didn’t go visit Santa and my kids never asked. The next year, they didn’t ask. It’s 2025, and they’ve never asked. I learned then that certain traditions have expiration dates, and you need to know when to stop.
#5: HELP THEM WITH THE MAGIC
I don’t know about you, but my teens and tweens are busy busy people. I have been trying to lean into making the magic easier for them in this season. The three girls were all excited to put their little trees in their room, but I put Smith’s up for him. He thanked me for having it up (he wanted it up), but that kid is in a season of life where he never would have gotten around to doing it himself. Even though it’s a “tradition” to put it up yourself, I did it for him this year.
#6: JUST BECAUSE YOU SKIP IT ONE YEAR DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO SKIP IT ANOTHER YEAR
Is this a safe space? Can I share a little secret with you? I love this holiday/seasonal stuff so much that I *can* be one of those moms who, when a tradition doesn’t happen/go the “right” way one year, can say stupid things like “Well fine, we just won’t ever look at lights again since you guys are too busy”. I mean, hello Drama Mama. Just because we don’t get around to/they weren’t in the right mood for/we didn’t do_ this year DOES NOT mean we can’t try again the next year.
#7: BE FLEXIBLE
You guys read my blog every day. You all know me well. You know I am so easy going and flexible. Right?
Wrong.
I’m learning to be flexible though about these tradition things.
For instance, back in the day when they were little, we would eat dinner together around the table, and then, we’d all cuddle up and watch a Christmas movie together. That was our evening. Okay, we don’t really have those evenings often any more. We have less time and more things pulling them away after dinner. So, I’ve been trying to get creative.
For example, you know we have a silly Lowe tradition of starting the Christmas season with the movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. (I know, I know, I know…the movie is older than my dad…but this is a time honored tradition that all Lowes partake in…) This week, what we did was start the movie when we started dinner (something we typically do not do). We didn’t even sit at the table, we all made our plates and then sat around so that we could see the TV and started the movie. They ate and just kept sitting there, and we got in about half the movie until one of them had to get up and do homework. So guess what we did two days later? The same thing and finished the movie. I was flexible about dinner and the movie, and we salvaged a tradition 😉 .
Another example is that my kids still love Jammy Cocoa Christmas but not all of them want to wear “jammies”. Fine, that’s totally fine. If I can get all of my peeps in one car to go to Starbucks and look at lights, I do not care if it’s at 5:30 PM, and we’re all in our regular clothes or at 10:30 PM and we’re staying up way past our bedtime. I’m just trying to be flexible.
#8: YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR LITTLE FAMILY FIRST
It’s okay to put your little family first. As amazing as they might be, some traditions with extended family and/or friends need to take a backseat during the holiday season if your calendars are too full and/or your kids not interested. It’s okay to retire some amazing traditions to make more space for your family this time of the year.
#9: MAKE NEW TRADITIONS FOR THIS STAGE OF LIFE
There’s no time like the present to make a new tradition to fit this stage of life. I love any time I get to spend with my kiddos, so if that means creating a new random tradition to include in our holiday fun, then so be it.
And those are some of the ways I try to MAKE THE HOLIDAYS FUN FOR TEENS AND TWEENS.
Of course, I would LOVE to know what you do too!! Please, please, please comment and share! This teen and tween life is hard. We need each other!
Don’t forget, I have so many other SHAY’S WAYS you can check out as well.
Just look:
25 Keys to a Peaceful Morning
22 Keys to making Fall Cozy
19 Key Fall Kitchen Essentials
18 Keys to Prepping for a Trip
14 Keys to Simplify BACK TO SCHOOL
21 Keys to Savoring Summer
21 Keys for Working at Home {Summer Edition}
25 Keys to Outdoor Summer Entertaining
25 Keys to Maintaining our Yard
17 Keys to my Holiday Prep
11 Keys to a Cozy Winter
9 Keys to Returning from a Trip
12 Keys to Leaving Your Kiddos When You Travel
13 Keys to Meal Planning
8 Keys to Creating Daily Routines You Love
21 Keys to Elevating the Everyday
13 Keys to Managing Jet Lag
9 Keys to a Cozy Halloween Night
19 Keys to Hosting Festive & Easy Holiday Parties
12 Keys to Adding Activity into the Everyday
17 Keys to Working From Home
9 Easy Afternoon Energizers
14 Simple Luxuries
8 Keys to Finding a Gym
21 Ways I Hygge
12 Ways for a Happier Day
7 Keys to Reducing/Avoiding Motion Sickness
8 Ways to Add “Vacation” to the Everyday
10 Keys to Getting Ready to Workout
8 Ways I Stay Healthy When I Travel
That wraps up today. I hope you all have the BEST Thursday! I’ll see you tomorrow. xx
Susan Jeffries says
Our daughter is an adult now and doesn’t live in the same state. She also travels for work and has performed in Christmas shows the past 3 years. This year she will be over seas performing. We put our tree up Oct 31 (while she is home) and fit in as many fun holiday experiences as we could! We also took a little weekend trip together and gave her some gifts she will use when she is traveling. It’s different and sometimes very difficult for her to be away. But she is living her dream and God always provides for us and makes it ok. Enjoy this season with your family!
Mix and Match Mama says
I LOVE your perspective!! You are such an inspiring mama, Susan! xx
Elspeth Mizner says
These are such good reminders not just about the holidays but life in general!! I love your Shay’s ways posts!
http://www.elspethsdaybyday.com
Eileen McCullough says
I love this , , , I’m in the same season of life and needed to read this today because we’re dealing with the same things in our house. I actually asked my girls (17, 14, and 12) which traditions they still love, which they don’t really like or want to do any more, and what ideas they have for things they want to start doing. It was so interesting! I learned only 1 likes having an advent calendar (the other 2 don’t care). I used to wrap Christmas books for them to open and read – 1 still wants the books, just not wrapped. They all still love the tradition of having their gifts wrapped in their own wrapping paper. They like the elf but want turns being in charge of it. I’m so glad I asked them because it didn’t make sense for me to be spending money/time/effort to do things. when it’s not important to them.
I’ve also learned to be flexible (hard for me!) and let things go or adjust . . . maybe we can drive around and look at lights, but only for 20 min, not 2 hours. Or sometimes I say I’m going to go out and do this seasonal activity and whoever wants to come, comes and who doesn’t, doesn’t. It’s okay for me to still do the things I want to do even if others don’t want to. It doesn’t all have to be the entire family every time. I’d rather have happy kids with me than kids who don’t want to be there. It’s hard seeing them grow up and changing our traditions and letting things go, but we have so little time together now that I’d rather spend that time doing something we all enjoy.
Natasha says
When our kids were smaller we used to go look at a certain light display in our city with our best friends. We might still do that but it’s getting harder to coordinate with all of us. These past few years we’ve started baking cookies (just the girls!) together and it’s so much fun because our daughters are older. This year my best friend is making us matching Christmas aprons to bake in and I can’t wait! Just because a tradition has to change doesn’t mean it can’t be fun too!
Jess says
Do you still send out Christmas cards? If so, do you think you will continue to do it when the kids are off to college? My son’s a senior and it hit me, should this be my last year? Love this post! It’s ok to let go of some traditions and let changes happen and with that sometimes new traditions form letting old ones go.
Mix and Match Mama says
Well geez, I hadn’t thought about that, but now you have me thinking. Hmmm…maybe I won’t? I don’t know? I do send them now, but you’re making a valid point…will I when they’re in college? I don’t know?
Denise M says
Hi! Just curious why the kids going off to college would change sending Christmas cards? Our son is a college freshman so I am wondering if I could/would change sending cards this year 🙂
Happy holidays!
Jenny says
Just one tiny perspective – I think whatever you choose would be totally fine! – my friend’s mom sent out Christmas cards every single year and still does and her children are 40 and 43 with their own children!! It’s actually adorable. Some years she gets a family picture with all the kids and grandkids together and some years she just has separate pictures of each little family on the card, but I absolutely love receiving her card. And she did, during those college years, somehow always send Christmas cards with the whole family, pretty special.
Kelly says
My kids have all graduated from college and I still send out Christmas cards with their pictures. We don’t all live in the same city, so I have had to learn to take their Christmas card picture when we are all together, sometimes from the Christmas before. And some years, if I haven’t gotten it together or not everyone likes the group photo, I have used individual pics of each of them on the card. Now, learn from my mistake. One year I included my son’s girlfriend on the card. They were really living together and she just seemed like one of the family. Now they’re engaged (yay!). But the next year, one of my girls had a significant other and I wasn’t planning on including them on the card because it was fairly new/ didn’t seem right or like a long term relationship. My daughter got really upset and there was some serious drama on our family vacation. Kinda made me want to quit the Christmas card tradition, if I’m completely honest. So my suggestion is if you’re going to keep doing it, don’t include GFs and BFs until they’re married.
M says
From my own childhood – if you’ve got kids with a wide age range, involve the teens in making the magic for the young ones. With a 10-year spread in my family, I LOVED helping with things like wrapping gifts for my youngest siblings, hiding stuff in my own closet, helping build things Christmas Eve, reading them my old Christmas picture books or watching kids’ shows together (since I was old enough that it was now nostalgic for me!) and things like being in charge of the Elf if that had been a trend at that time!
Mandie Howard says
This was such a helpful post! I’m right behind you with my kiddos and they will all be teens/tweens before I know it! Thanks!
Jamie Henry says
But how do you make everything flexible and then not ruin the fun for your youngest? I have a 17, 14, and 6 year old. The 6 year old still needs the magic. We have conversations constantly about not being selfish and ruining his experiences. I find myself not wanting my bigs in tow for things because they are joy killers for the little one. How do you handle this for madely?
Mix and Match Mama says
That’s a balance, but what I’ve personally realized is that my younger two are feeding off of my energy. If I’m excited about these “new” traditions, then they are too. Sometimes, we do things without the big kids (even if it’s just Andrew, Mades and me), and that’s special/fun too. I just really try hard to stay upbeat.
Laura Fuller says
Keeping the magic alive for busy teenagers and young adults is oh so hard. And oh so worth it. After a separation last year, I’m having brunch instead of dinner this year. All I want is an hour with the four of them together in my new home.
Diane Moore says
I don’t have teens, but this post gave the grandmother a shot of holiday cheer!
Rhonda Graves says
As another Grandmother this post is so good for us to read too. We have to change and adapt our extended family expectations and traditions as families grow and change. Everything Shay said is true for Grandmothers too.
Diane Moore says
Yes, this blog helps me so often. Thanks for adding your grandmotherly perspective.
Faith says
As a mama of four littles and three of them being boys, I am going to try and remember that sometimes not doing something and pulling back helps give space for their input, and then it is crucial to listen to said feedback without getting defensive. Sharing the sheets story is such a great example of that. Read the room and adjust accordingly! Love that advice!
Kathleen says
“You can’t be too hyper about it”…I feel this so deeply!! 😉 I loved this post.
Mix and Match Mama says
They are repulsed by a hyper mama…
Kim says
100% true and never understood it when I was in the teen season of life! Have to so cool, casual Mom lol
Megan Saltmarsh says
Aww! Thank you Shay! These are great tips!
Kara says
I love this post.. it is so insightful for this mama whose kids are getting older! It’s hard finding the balance b/t keeping traditions and starting new ones as they “age out” of things! I love the thought of accepting an old tradition in any form, even if it is not exactly like it was in the past (I am not great at this!)
Anna says
Shay, thank you so much for sharing this. We are at that same stage of life and I realized we may need to let go of a few things after I had to work to squeeze in a trip to the pumpkin patch and then my kids didn’t really care lol. These are great tips.
Karleigh Johnson says
As always, this is great advice Shay! I have had to learn how to say “no” during the holidays, in order to protect my peace and to protect the very sacred time with my own little family. I love, love, love this time of year but I can’t be in 20 places at once and I want to actually slow down and *enjoy* the moments with my people. I’m not going to lie — My babies are 4 and 8 months old, and You talking about your kids sometimes not wanting to go or do some of these traditions breaks my heart and makes me terrified lol. But I know it’s all the more reason to soak it up NOW!
Paige E says
OMGosh this is such a great post! We have been going through ALL of this and trying to find our way. I think its the mama who this hits hardest. I especially love the mention of playing it cool and not being super enthusiastic. I have two boys and best way to have them to pump the breaks is if I’m super excited. I’ve had to let go of a lot but also try to keep small pieces or to adjust things so we don’t totally lose our family traditions. I also think the letting go off extended family events is very important but has been challenging. Grandma is still a little sore that I don’t drag my teen/young adult boys to go caroling. My guys were miserable. Its just not their thing. We have to be respectful of the people they are becoming too. 🙂 I remember getting super overwhelmed with everything I was trying to make happen about a decade ago and we had a family discussion where I asked what was their 3 favorite things we do around the holidays. So I let everything else go and we did just those 3 things without fail and had a blast. It may be time to do that again! Wonderful topic Shay! This teen stuff is tough stuff.
Callie says
I’m such a holiday sap. This post almost brought me to tears when I read that Smith wanted his Christmas sheets. I’m always looking for ways to make the holiday season magical for my toddlers and holiday sheets was on the plan this year. I pray my kiddos still enjoy my holiday traditions when they are teens and beyond!
Bren says
Same, Callie. 🥲
Three grown adult children here and each year I have been surprised at what traditions they want to continue, what others they are “ho-hum” about. Fun to see things through their eyes and what traditions are meaningful to them.
Nearly 30 years ago my beloved stepmom made our first baby a calendar with a little bear you move each day up till December 24th. The kids are all out of the house and stopped moving that bear long ago when the teen years were so busy. But my husband? He loves moving that bear and so even though it’s just the two of us…the tradition continues and the kids enjoy seeing it when they are home.
Love your holiday posts, Shay – as always, thanks for sharing!
Melissa Terry says
YES to all of this! As a mama of 4 ranging in age from almost 21-5, this has been on my heart and mind for years. Learning to let go of the traditions that are no longer working and focusing on the ones they really want year after year has been a work in progress, but it’s helped so much. Another thing I’ve had to learn is it’s ok for not all 6 of us to be at all the things. That one was the hardest for me, but if we waited for the biggest to be home from college to see Santa it wouldn’t happen. He’s good with me sending him the pictures and littlest doesn’t miss out on the magic. There’s joy in every season indeed!
Amanda Wilson says
It for sure took me until teen #3 to not get hurt feelings when they didn’t want the traditions anymore. I think for me patience and asking first before I book stuff. And lots of reminders… hey don’t forget next weekend you wanted to go to the Christmas market….should we get lunch first? Then they aren’t making other plans that sound better to them and breaking our mama hearts lol. See how I asked in a roundabout way….with a tiny bribe of lunch….lol
Also anything I want to do with them I usuaLly lead with let’s get Starbucks or a dirty soda and go to ……………….. that often works.
Sarah M. says
These are some good reminders, especially that if you don’t do something one year doesn’t mean it can’t make a return the following year. It’s like we just need a grab bag of traditions and we can do a few each year, not every single one.
I love that Smith was looking forward to his Christmas sheets.
I remember when I was in university we would sit around the cafeteria and each of us would talk about what our families would do at Christmas. I’m sure most of those things that remained as memories for me and that I shared with my friends weren’t even things my mom consciously thought about planning. I always wonder what things will live on in my kids’ memories, it will be something I’m not even thinking about now probably.
SS says
Oh Shay…. It is hard to let go of some traditions or modify them….but it is sweet when something little is skipped and it meant so much by the olders and even pre teeners.
We throw in a few days right around Xmas. Our traditions have changed some because our oldest has his own house and has worked retail. But we do keep some of “our traditions” just ours because well they aren’t married and as you say keep your little family first.
One that youngest and I did last year was get some command hooks and light up they hallway from the ceiling. I love lights and oh my gosh we love this new tradition so much! We start hanging them in October….Halloween lights and go until we “spring forward” changing the lights each month. Who knew hanging lights from the ceiling would bring us so much joy. I was like man why didn’t I do this a long time ago…but fun because it is something we started together….fyi the olders are a little jealous. 😆
Snow is coming to our neck of the woods this weekend .. eeek!!!
Becky G. says
These are great suggestions! As a mom of 13 and 15 year old boys I love reading what other teen moms are doing. I could not wait for that dumb elf to go away… they haven’t missed him. Our Santa photos were something that I held onto longer than they did, but we had the same Santa for 10 years (minus COVID) so when we walked up a few years ago and saw a different Santa, then saw how bad the picture was, we all laughed and said we wouldn’t go back. A few things my boys hold onto – making christmas cookies. The cut outs, the mess, all of it! We go see a holiday play downtown, and as much as I don’t think they love the play they love the venue, fancy dinner and walking around seeing the holiday displays. We go see a professional hockey game (Detroit Red Wings) and they love it! For whatever reason, that’s a holiday tradition.
Thanks for the comment on putting Smith’s tree up for him. My oldest didn’t put his tree up last year, but wanted to. I may offer to put it up for him this year.
Christine R. says
The Elf, sigh. My boys are 20 & 21 and I get texts from college asking about the Elf. Bonus – I don’t “actually” have to move it around until they are home, which is super close to Christmas (win-win!!). They still love our Christmas traditions!
Amanda Fitzpatrick says
You are the reason my family and I do Jammie Cocoa Christmas. My kids still love it (my son is 22,lol). We also have a wild Griswold type house in our town (look up the turner christmas house in lexington ky) it is always where we end our jammie cocoa christmas night. I hope y’all have the best Christmas Season.
Stacy says
Thank you for this!
Tabitha says
I still have littles over here and love going back to old posts about your sweet holiday traditions, but I loved this post so much as well. It’s fun to look ahead at how those older years can still be special too. Thanks so much for sharing, Shay! You’ve given me so many fun ideas as a Mama 🙂
Paula Hobbs says
I can’t agree with you more on all of these!! Our kids are 25, 23, 20 and 15…I just embrace every moment that one of them walks through the door. I don’t stress about set days, times, etc. for holidays. If we do it that Saturday before, great. If we do it the day after, wonderful. As long as mama has her kiddos at home, that’s all that matters! Time is a thief!!! Cherish every single moment.
Lori says
Great tips! I get my kids an ornament each year. But now that I have a freshman in college, I’m not going to get her an ornament. She asked for a Christmas phone case instead. Sure! Also, I wasn’t going to get my middle any Christmas jammies but I changed my mind and I am delighted in her joy. So pivoting and being flexible is important.
Debbie Alsip says
I really enjoyed reading this post. Nothing to add but emphasis to your good points. Holidays and traditions are more fun for everyone when we are flexible according to the season we are in. I think this flexibility becomes even more important as our kids move from teens to adults. My only child is 18 and a freshman in college. My husband and I have to remind each other that she is an adult with her own life, too.
Krista F. says
This is such good advice for those of us in this stage of life! Thank you!!
Laci says
Exactly right! I have a 20 and 17 year old and so many times I have to “read the room”…
Jill says
Some of these were exactly what I needed to hear! Drama Mama made me lol! Thanks for sharing!
Valerie says
Thanks for this post Shay! I don’t have kids, and as I was reading, so many of these were landing for me, including: Helping them with the magic, Listening and leaning in, and being flexible. Holidays can get so busy that I may think I don’t care about something and my husband will still do it. Once he’s done it, it means so much to me and I am so grateful that he put the time and energy into it. 🙂 We spend a lot of our Holiday time with either my family or my husbands parents and at Christmas that means his parents are at our house for 1-2 weeks or we are at my parents for a week. Listening and flexibility come in very handy, especially as we all get older and often want add new traditions or make old ones simpler. It just makes our time together so much more enjoyable and able to focus on what we’re really celebrating. I love the Holidays and all the time with family so much that I don’t want to miss a moment with them because something didn’t go the way one of us thought it should. 🙂 The moments are too precious!
Kristy says
You put words to things that sometimes evolve and happen. I don’t always thing through what or why we’re doing some things and then I read your blog and it clicks. Oh yeah, totally, we do that or have tweaked that too.
Alyssa J says
This post is so good and has the makings of a book that would make author Sally Clarkson proud!
Mix and Match Mama says
Gosh, I love me some Sally Clarkson!
Susy Watts says
This might be your wisest blog post ever!
Mix and Match Mama says
Well goodness, thank you. xx
Nicole says
Oh my word, so perfectly timed because this week when I surprised my 13 year old with new Christmas pjs, she said something like – “I’m getting a little too old for Jammy Cocoa Christmas” and I flipped. 🤣😜 No, no you are not! Don’t wear pjs? Fine! Gosh, us mamas working so hard to create that holiday magic and then having to navigate doing too much! I’m glad we’re in it together 😇
Paige says
I love this post and so agree with your thoughts! We used to go downtown and see the lights at the zoo every year. I loved that tradition. And, then one year when we went downtown to do our overnight in the city and see them, no one wanted to go. Instead, we decided to get coffee and hot chocolate at the new Starbucks reserve on Michigan avenue. We walked and looked at all the lights on the Mag Mile. Everyone was happy and we were still seeing lights, so it was a win for all!
Susie says
Are your high schoolers dating? How are you navigating that?
Mix and Match Mama says
So far, it’s been a joy to navigate. That might change, but so far, so good.
Faith Kapp says
I think it’s hard on moms as they get older and traditions change. This will be our first year that we will not all be together on Christmas Day but we will celebrate the week after that’s OK, like you said we have to be flexible.
My oldest has made it known that I’m not allowed to stray from how I have always decorated. She wants everything out just like she remembers as a child. She is very big on traditions.
Even when they were all in college, we had fun with our elf. He may not move every day, but it was fun to see what ideas they came up with and we would randomly hide him to see who could find him first.
I love that Smith wanted his Christmas Sheets!
Kay says
SHAY! This post is absolute perfection. (Did you write it for ME!? :). I have three teens-15, 18, 19 and every single word you wrote is SPOT ON.
The biggest tip I learned this year is for college kids! My oldest is at college, and he came home for ONE NIGHT over a fall weekend for the occasion of my 50th birthday. On Sunday he had to leave for a 5pm train, but we had THE best impromptu fall fun all morning-afternoon. My son asked if we could go for a fall foliage drive (as he misses the leaves being at school in NYC). We took a drive around windy New England roads, took in the leaves, and then stopped at our most favorite farm stand. We didn’t have time to do apple or pumpkin picking as we usually do. BUT, we took a short walk around the pumpkin patch, stopped at the farm’s store for a cider donut ice cream sandwich, and my son picked out a small pumpkin from the store to bring back to his college dorm. It wasn’t the hours long tradition of going to the farm all day! But it was DELIGHTFUL, and we got all the fall feels and bonding in a few hours. It was magical.
Mix and Match Mama says
Oh Kay, your comment made my heart so full. That time with your son sounds just perfect. I hope to have those impromptu moments too. Thank YOU for sharing!
Debbie Schultz says
I had a tradition with my oldest daughter’s 4 boys. Her bday is Dec. 12, and I would come over to babysit while her and hubby went out to enjoy her bday. I would make up rice krispie treat batches (1 red, 1 green), and pour the batch in the middle of the table, grease all their little hands, and let them make any shape they wanted. When they got older, I missed 1 year, and my daughter wrote a post that she had to make the treats, and the boys were a little disappointed that Mimi wasn’t there, and she didn’t quite make it as ‘special’ as their Mimi. But I was happy that even though they were teenagers they still wanted to make their treats! 🙂
Mix and Match Mama says
My heart was full just reading this! xx
Alexis Meacham says
As one of mine is entering tween years, this post brought tears to my eyes about how yours still wanted the Elf and little things. The traditions still being joy and nostalgia to them! <3
Sara says
I’m laughing just thinking about how cool you were trying to seem after Smith asked about his sheets. That would totally be me! Jumping up and down inside but trying to remain cool and collected. haha! I didn’t buy gingerbread houses last year because neither of my boys seemed very excited about it. No one said a word until Christmas Eve when my oldest suddenly realized we hadn’t done them. You better believe I’ll be buying those gingerbread houses this year!! 🙂 Great post with so much good advice. Thanks!
Mix and Match Mama says
It’s such a delicate dance trying to keep emotions level for those teens. Ha!
Kelli Moss says
I resonate with this post so much with 14,16,17 year old boys. This is such a delicate dance. Turns out, my boys are way more sentimental about our traditions than I thought! This is such a transitional season that I feel like I have things figured out one minute only to be caught off guard the next. Goofy I know, but I keep thinking of Britney Spears, “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman” in this season of parenting. 😅🥹 Ultimately, my kids want the magic and I’m here for it with so few holiday seasons left with all 5 of us under one roof!
Diana says
I loved reading this! Thank you for sharing! My kids are now entering the tween stage, so I am trying to be more flexible and adaptable with our holiday traditions. It is hard not having cute little ones anymore, but I will keep bring the holiday magic and family fun hopefully when they are full on teenagers they will still want the elf and Christmas jammies haha 🙂
K.K. says
I’m the one that loves to hang onto a tradition more than I should. I blame it on being an Aggie where traditions are king… ha! This is such a good reminder to not hold on too tight, but let the traditions change and breathe!! I love it!
Arika says
One thing I realized meant so much to my kids when they were younger was buying gifts for other people. When they were little and had no concept of money I would take them to the dollar store and told them they could pick ANYTHING in the whole entire store. Free reign, so exciting! It was pretty sweet and hilarious to see what they picked out for each member of the family, and also really fun 1-1 time to spend with each kid. It takes some time during a really busy season, but I learned they cared about that more than things that I thought they woudl care about (frosting cookies, looking at lights, etc). And sometimes those little things were the gift receipient’s favorite memory too.
Erika Slaughter says
I talked to my kids last year about their favorite things. Lots of things that I THOUGHT were special weren’t a big deal to them so I LET THOSE GO!
Kristin says
The themes I am seeing are listening and flexibility. Those two things can make our lives so much easier. It’s so smart of you to really listen to your kids and be willing to change what’s important to you for the good of the whole family.
Sara says
Hi! I just wanted to thank you (from a mom of a teen and tween) for this post and also for the great tradition of Jammie Cocoa Christmas! My family has done this for over 10 years and our kids look forward to it every Christmas season! 🙂
Mix and Match Mama says
My heart is just SO FULL! Thank you!
MelanieL says
You know I love a Shay Way and let me tell you, you’re wise beyond your years on this subject/post!! I mean I’m not that far ahead of you (21 & 19) but dang you really know your stuff! This is also why I was in the attic digging Christmas slippers out of my daughter’s bin 2 weeks ago after she mentioned “I packed my Christmas slippers away with my decorations last year but I really wish I had them for my birthday trip to Chicago”. I surprised her with said slippers last year for this occasion (first weekend in Nov) thus apparently a tradition was born. Awe, I couldn’t get in that attic fast enough…and she was totally surprised! 🙂
Mix and Match Mama says
You are way too generous with your words, Melanie. Thank you. xx
Deb says
This is a great post – love your flexibility to go with the flow as the kids get older and your idea to find new traditions that fit the ages.
Katie Compton says
Oh Shay… this got me all in my feels. Our traditions were tweaked as our daughter entered her teen years, but like Smith and his sheets I was surprised (while totally playing it cool!) at the ones that we kept. Everyone loves Christmas magic no matter the age, right? Now that she is off to college more traditions will be changing, and instead of being sad I’m excited to see how she will take some and make them her own at school! For instance… I have taken her to our local performance of The Nutcracker since she was in kindergarten (I named her Clara for a reason!). This will be the first time in 13 years we won’t be together for the show. So instead… I’m taking my bestie (who is a boy-only mom!) and she said she has the the orignal soundtrack to listen to while she studies for finals! Also, we used to also get our first Starbucks holiday drink together… but neither of us can wait until Thanksgiving break so I sent her a gift card and we’ll pick ours up tomorrow and virtually cheers. She also took her mini-tree to put up in her dorm room, along with her Elf with big plans for college style shennigans with her dorm mates. Ha!
All that to say… traditions can flexible and still bring so much joy! Christmas magic is all around us in all sorts of ways. 🙂
Lisa D says
I was so bummed when my 3 children did not want to go out looking at Christmas lights. I loved that tradition so much. But my husband and I did it anyway just the two of us and had a lovely tine. Years later, my now adult kids have their own children and they are making their own family traditions. I love hearing about the special things they all do for Christmas! It’s a joy to think back on the memories we had, it’s a joy to make new memories. It’s a special season and I’m okay with slowing down and doing just a few special events that are meaningful to my husband and me.
Tina says
Your post has inspired me to send a group text to my 4 kids (2 of which still live at home) with a list of the things we do (or try to anyway) at Christmas and see what is important to them. I can’t wait to see what they’d like to keep and what they are ready to let go.
Elizabeth H Valenta says
Such a timely post! I am very traditional repeat events. My family always does Christmas Eve, we always do same food, etc. As my daughter got older, married, home…I have learned that it’s perfectly fine to switch it up. I am loosing my reins and doing Thanksgiving at her inlaws, and we are going to Washington/Dallas game on Christmas Day. What? I would never have left my home, but we were like let’s get on the train and GO! I am thrilled for continued memories wherever they are.
Charlsi says
Shay, I feel like you wrote this directly for me! Thank you!!! Having everyone enjoy what we’re doing is priceless and much more successful than pushing a previous tradition that doesn’t fit as well anymore!
Kathy says
My kids are now adults with two still at home and going to school and my daughter out on her own now. We have had to shift a lot of traditions and like you I put the ‘feelers’ out there to see what they might still be interested in doing. Now when my daughter comes home for Christmas, we do a traditional brunch as a family at a heritage park that is all decorated to look like a Victorian Christmas village. After the brunch, we browse around the little ‘old fashioned’ shops. We have been going to this park since the kids were little, however the tradition has evolved-they no longer want to go on the sleigh ride (I would love to still do it!) and they no longer participate in the craft activities that are offered, but they still love going there. This has become one of our favourite traditions. My boys still help decorate our tree every year and all three of the kids insist that the elf still come out. We just all take turns switching him around and then having the others try to guess where we hid him. When my two older kids were teens and no longer believed in the ‘elf magic’ my daughter took over the job of doing all the elf things for our youngest-who is quite a bit younger than the other two, and she was so creative with the BEST ideas and I was off the hook! That was a big win win for all of us!
Joelle Park says
I have a two-year-old daughter with her own agenda, so some of the traditions I’ve tried to instill or carry forward from my life before her haven’t gone to plan (trying to get a toddler into a car seat that does not want to go into a car seat should be an Olympic sport). As someone who is also not totally easygoing and flexible naturally, one thing that saved me was a tip from @busytoddler on Instagram: when it comes to traditions, talk about them as something you LIKE to do during the holidays as opposed to something you HAVE to do. That little shift has made it so much easier for me to let go!
Mix and Match Mama says
Well, I LOVE THIS!! What a great perspective, Joelle!
Maria says
So true! They want the littlest of things! My young adult son has to have the Freeform 25 days to Christmas holiday movie countdown posted on the fridge every year. He said it’s just not Christmas without it! Should anyone need it it’s at the bottom of this link: https://www.freeform.com/news/8e058db0-9e60-46e1-9488-0c26687d29a7/category/3444024
I also just learned that TGI Fridays is holding Elf-days every Friday with a tie-in to TBS holiday movie night. Watch a movie, elf themed food, games and holiday decor. I’m going to try and get my kids to this. I think teens and young adults would enjoy this.
https://tgifridays.com/fridays-for-the-holidays/
Becky Carl says
Shay, I have always been amazed at the perspective you have raising your children. You always seem to recognize and know and adjust to changes in such a graceful way.
Now I need some help from y’all from my perspective which is a 70 yr old Mama with 2 boys now 47 and 41, who have never married and no children. It’s been fierce in this Mama’s heart for 20 yrs watching them seem to be perfectly happy with their choices (believe me when I say there have been tons of girls floating in and out of my house at Christmas only for the relationship to end in January after I have spent some money on making their Christmas happy too!)
It’s even more complicated having 2 stepson who are married with kids. I feel so good about them because they at least have family. But my 2 guys who are single, I feel like I always need them with me at holidays. I can’t imagine them having Christmas dinner, doing family things at Christmas. But one is military in Tampa and the other in Richmond VA! And the stepson are in Dayton OH and Virginia Beach. But they like to have their family Christmas at home rather than figuring out which grandparents to go to. Which I totally understand and so glad they do that. My guys seem to have plenty of friends but their friends go away to their families at Christmas. My guys would rather just stay home by themselves than spend the money or take off time from work to come visit.
My husband and I travel a ton going between the 4 places to spend time with all of them. Because we are retired and can do that easier than them. I have accepted this over the years but holidays this time of year are very hard to me. My husband and I are fine alone at holidays but it drives me crazy thinking about our 2 single bachelor’s. The main reason I have prayed fervently for them to find a soul mate so they are not alone. But Ive noticed in this generation that they seem to not mind being alone the more time that goes by. I have talked to my boys about these feelings and of course they say we don’t need all that stuff anymore because we are grown men. I can only give them money at Christmas instead of all the wrapped presents that I Love. But no matter what I do or say, they always remind me they are grown now. So I have changed a lot in these years to not feel as upset when they choose to do life everyday on their own and holidays are not important to them anymore. It’s taken me over 20 years to back off and let them live their lives, which they are supposed to, but these 2 single guys with no one is tough.
You’ll never be prepared for what’s coming in the adult children years. I know your families are close to each other in distance. But I would love any input and wisdom for my perspective in this life journey.
BTW, all 4 of our children are very successful and have built beautiful lives which I am so thankful for, and I talk about Jesus to them even as adults whether they want to listen or not.
So with most of your readers, I would love to hear how they feel being adult children at this time in life. I have a friend that says let them live their lives and stay back, you’ve had your time with them.
Mix and Match Mama says
Oh Becky, thank YOU for sharing this. I just know other mamas with kiddos who are older are going to have a lot of wisdom for not just you but all of us. Just reading your comment showed your heart. What a wonderful mama to your boys you clearly are. It shows in these words. xx
Sarah Shaneyfelt says
I’m just now catching up on my blog reading this week, and I love this post! This is something I’ve got to tuck away for later because I guess I’ve never thought about traditions becoming harder the older they get. But it makes so much sense with new busier schedules! I am going to cherish this season of life as much as I can (even when it gets chaotic lol)!
MeetTheShaneyfelts
Linda says
So funny you mentioned Elf on the Shelf, as my kids got older, they wanted to take over the elf hiding for the younger kids. A relief for me, not to have that to worry about. I enjoy the mischief the elf gets into when they are “setting the scene” and look forward to finding her each day.